Advice on returning to the UK

Can I ask for advice and also whether anyone considering a move back to the UK is feeling scared and undecided too?

We've been here 6 years - it was never meant to be permanent and in that time Ive always missed the UK and as the years have passed we've missed extended family more than anything- we have 4 children so returning home for a holiday hasn't been an option due to cost but also self preservation too as I'm not sure I could cope with how unsettled it would make me on my return to Oz - to be positive though it's a beautiful country, we've made lovely friends etc but the bottom line is it's just too far away from home - just after Christmas my husband applied for and has been offered a job in London which means the possibility of going home is now a reality but we're both so scared about making the wrong decision in case we end up regretting it and despite being Australian citizens we're trying not to leave with the attitude that we can always return. If we were deciding as a couple we could probably make the decision but we're so worried about how the children will settle into a new life with new schools etc that we're changing our minds every 2 minutes - our eldest is 10 and our youngest is 3). Does anyone else feel this way and can someone please tell me if their move back has been a success with young children?

Also, can anyone recommend a good place to live in the Uk within a commutable driving distance of London but which also offers facilities etc for a young family to settle in (our family are in Oxford)

Hi and welcome to the forum.

There are many of us who have returned and can offer advice and tips.

There are loads of options for places to settle, but it depends on budget. When we returned, we went to Windsor which is an easy commute into London and a lovely town.

Though it depends as well on where in London. It is such a big place that east to west can be a long commute.

Oxford is itself within the commuter belt for London if working in north London.

As for kids, I would say there at the easiest age to move. They are still in primary and adapt pretty easy.

I don;t think anyone can tell you that your making the right move, only you can know. Many return and live happily ever after, some do end up returning to Aus. The advantage you have is the children are at a good age to move, the older they are the more they seem to struggle. Kids adapt , your eldest adapted when moving here i presume? so it will be no different doing it in reverse. If you have a job opportuinity you are a step ahead of most and if you know you cant live out your life here happily ,go for it. I know you say you dont want to say 'we can always come back' but it is a bonus for you all and should lift a bit of the pressure off you.

Work out your finances with the new income versus cost of living and rent and if it's doable and what deep down you really want ,give it a shot.

Lots of luck with everything

Cal x

The children will be fine. Reports from returnees are generally that the schools have been great at helping kids catch up and settle in. If the parents are happy the kids will be too. You won't be burning any bridges so though you don't think you will move back, you are free to do so if that's what works best for you all.

I never had any doubts that returning was the right thing but that didn't stop the 'what if' worries - we had migrated permanently to Australia equally certain it was the right thing to do so if I was wrong then how could I be 100% sure I was right on the decision to return.

We returned with a 10 year old and it was an incredibly easy transition for him but that doesn't necessarily mean it is for all children. He was only 5 when we moved to Perth & he never accepted it as 'home' even though we did. That's probably why returning was so easy for him - he was adamant that as soon as he was old enough he was returning anyway.

We had visited 3 times in the 5 years we were away & he had kept in touch with friends so that helped I am sure, he was enrolled in a school before we came back & his new teacher arranged for all his new class mates to write a letter to him which was lovely and helped take away some anxiety. I saw a change in him once he knew which school he'd be going to but that was only possible because it was an independent school.

In the end I think all children do adapt and I truly believe my son has benefitted from living in two different cultures - his teacher commented recently that 'he has general knowledge beyond his years' and I think it is a lot to do with that.

Well done on securing a job from over here! That gives you a focus, and at least you have a general direction in which you are heading. Still scary though, particularly with kids!

We're moving back this year, after eight years here, and I am scared too. We never viewed our move as permanent particularly, but we have been happy here in the main so it is a big leap to move back. It's just that as time goes on the cons have started to outweigh the pros. I am certain that it is the right thing to do, but I found it easier to move over this way. When we migrated to Sydney OH had a 457 and therefore a job, so it was easy to work out where he could reasonably commute from and find somewhere nice to live. However, moving back we really only have vague plans and OH probably won't have a job to go to. We will spend a couple of months or so job hunting and then house and school hunting, but the unknowns are really daunting! I keep asking myself if it would just be easier to stay here, despite that fact that OH, the kids and I all want to move back!

I'm sure it will all work out for the best, it usually does. And if it doesn't we'll move on again. As a friend said to me recently, we are not trees. If we are not happy we can move!

Anywhere that is easily commutable to London will attract a price premium. Your best bet is to look at the train lines and how quickly they'll get you into the centre. Where your husband has his job will determine which line will suit you best, so if he's working near Paddington it would be good to live to the West of London so he could use that line and walk to work. Similarly, near Kings Cross, look to the north, Victoria, to the south or south east. I used to work a 10 minute walk from Waterloo and now I would choose somewhere like Southampton or Eastleigh which is only an hour an an express train. Doing this can minimise your use of the Underground and consequent extra time and cost.

If you want to live in the London metropolitan area itself, consider which tube lines will get your husband to work most expeditiously, then consider which areas along that line will suit your budget and school requirements.

I knew someone who basically mapped out travel times and average house cost to chose an area!

Make sure there is public transport close by, where I live there are many small villages that do not have any public transport anywhere near as they are so rural or semi rural...it is a great safety net even if you have your own car.

Hello

I am not experienced in these matters but I am really good at stuffing up. My late husband and I returned to the UK in 2004 to see to my Dad my mum had passed in 2002 and I was feeling really bad at not being there for her being an only one and didn't want to make that mistake with my Dad hubby managed to secure a job with Jaguar and all went well. Then Dad decided he really didn't need us anymore and thing's got difficult so we started to look to come back home. We got a job in Albury but it only lasted a few months as they went bust so we came back to Victoria. Then in late 2008 Dad got sick and we were offered a job in Gloucester, but he would have to do the usual meet and greet with the company so we stayed with friends up North well the meet and greet went way past the 2 week promised and we were kindly asked to move on were we were staying. We decided to stay in a Motel down there till we got the start date during this time we also had our little dog it was a nightmare plus our furniture was still in storage since 2007. Well they changed there mind and decided to reshape the company from inside and hubby wouldn't be needed (not a dam thing you can do). So to cut a very very long story short we booked a plane and the pet had to do a months quarantine again but we came back. My Dad passed in 2009 and my husband in 2014 I want to go back home I am in my late 60 but like you am worried about Pensions. What I would say to you on advise is make sure the job offer is signed and sealed we have had both experiences when it is good thing,s are great but if it goes wrong for what ever reason well it is a shocker. We later on made friends with the people we stayed with but even friends do have a stay by date yes we were wrong to stay longer than we thought but the UK is a big place when you have nowhere to go. I do wish you all well. xx

Hello

 

I am not experienced in these matters but I am really good at stuffing up. My late husband and I returned to the UK in 2004 to see to my Dad my mum had passed in 2002 and I was feeling really bad at not being there for her being an only one and didn't want to make that mistake with my Dad hubby managed to secure a job with Jaguar and all went well. Then Dad decided he really didn't need us anymore and thing's got difficult so we started to look to come back home. We got a job in Albury but it only lasted a few months as they went bust so we came back to Victoria. Then in late 2008 Dad got sick and we were offered a job in Gloucester, but he would have to do the usual meet and greet with the company so we stayed with friends up North well the meet and greet went way past the 2 week promised and we were kindly asked to move on were we were staying. We decided to stay in a Motel down there till we got the start date during this time we also had our little dog it was a nightmare plus our furniture was still in storage since 2007. Well they changed there mind and decided to reshape the company from inside and hubby wouldn't be needed (not a dam thing you can do). So to cut a very very long story short we booked a plane and the pet had to do a months quarantine again but we came back. My Dad passed in 2009 and my husband in 2014 I want to go back home I am in my late 60 but like you am worried about Pensions. What I would say to you on advise is make sure the job offer is signed and sealed we have had both experiences when it is good thing,s are great but if it goes wrong for what ever reason well it is a shocker. We later on made friends with the people we stayed with but even friends do have a stay by date yes we were wrong to stay longer than we thought but the UK is a big place when you have nowhere to go. I do wish you all well. xx

One of the best reality posts for months...thanks pommyshelia,hope everything turns out well.

Thank you for that I do appreciate it now do you no a good LABOTOMIST to sort me out :laugh:

Can I ask for advice and also whether anyone considering a move back to the UK is feeling scared and undecided too?

 

We've been here 6 years - it was never meant to be permanent and in that time Ive always missed the UK and as the years have passed we've missed extended family more than anything- we have 4 children so returning home for a holiday hasn't been an option due to cost but also self preservation too as I'm not sure I could cope with how unsettled it would make me on my return to Oz - to be positive though it's a beautiful country, we've made lovely friends etc but the bottom line is it's just too far away from home - just after Christmas my husband applied for and has been offered a job in London which means the possibility of going home is now a reality but we're both so scared about making the wrong decision in case we end up regretting it and despite being Australian citizens we're trying not to leave with the attitude that we can always return. If we were deciding as a couple we could probably make the decision but we're so worried about how the children will settle into a new life with new schools etc that we're changing our minds every 2 minutes - our eldest is 10 and our youngest is 3). Does anyone else feel this way and can someone please tell me if their move back has been a success with young children?

 

Also, can anyone recommend a good place to live in the Uk within a commutable driving distance of London but which also offers facilities etc for a young family to settle in (our family are in Oxford)

I’d say 99% of us who are thinking about returning home with kids are feeling scared and undecided. When we started questioning where we wanted to be, Australia or UK, that's when we should have gone back, in our case 2008 and I have regretted not going ever since. Our kids were still young, 10 & 7, plenty of time to make new friends in a new school in Britain and grow up with their cousins of the same age but we were asking ourselves the same as you, how will they settle in the UK after living in this beautiful country. How could they possibly be happy in cold, dreary Britain? That fact is, people's experiences have shown they will be fine and the younger they are, the quicker they adapt and settle. If you leave it even a couple more years when your oldest is 12, it could make it more stressful for them, then you'll worry whether you should wait until they've finished school. If there is ever a right time to move countries, I'd say it's when your kids are at the age they are now.

It's easy to say "you can always come back" as many people do. That's fine, if you've got plenty of money to waste and enjoy the stress of moving countries but in reality you can. Now you have citizenship, you can come back, but more importantly your children have the choice one day in the future to come back or even live in New Zealand.

If you are not happy now, trust me, speaking from experience you will be unhappier in 5 or 10 years time when you realise how much you and your kids have missed out with their family in the UK. Then you may feel guilt and regret for not doing it sooner, like I do.

Our kids are 19 and 16 and I am still questioning whether it is right to return now after having lived overseas for 15 years but I feel it's important they reconnect with their extended family in the UK while they are still young enough. They are happy to go. My wife and I have promised there will always be money set aside for a ticket back to Australia if they need to return, short or long term. We have family here so they have somewhere to stay if they want.

What pushed us to make the move now was I able to return to my firm in London. The fact that your Husband has a job to go to is a big hurdle overcome. I think if you let this opportunity slide by you may regret it.

Good luck with whatever you decide.

I am about to move back and am having lots of last minute doubts which I think is very common. This is my second move back to the UK after my second stint in Aus - I am somewhat of a yoyo! However it has taught me 2 things

i)Wherever I am I will miss something from Aus or the UK. I call it "Neither Here nor There" syndrome after the Bill Bryson book which summed it up perfectly. We are fortunate to have experienced living in both countries but neither is perfect so you will always miss something.

ii) A decision does not have to be permanent and the financial aspects of living here vs. there change as well as the exchange rate can change rapidly. When I moved out a $ was 33p, after the GFC it got up to 65p when I started looking into this move a year ago it was 48p . Then BREXIT happened and the iron Ore price shot up again and now it is 61p so I will now be buying a much nicer house in the UK than I had planned In 3- 4 years time I expect the $ will be much stronger so as a citizen I can always come back again - as could you. So my advice for what it's worth is do whats best for you right now and if it doesn't work out it won't be the end of the world.

I think it is natural to feel a little afraid when facing the unknown. I expect like us you everyone felt a little of this before moving to Australia. You are still relatively young and therefore able to cope with the challenges more easily.

We are in our mid 60s and contemplating whether we should return to the UK. We came here to be with family but circumstances changed. We feel like this is not home and are struggling with the weather, especially at the moment and worried about the exchange rate. However, we are apprehensive about the fact that we will have to start again if we go back to the UK and have no friends or family left there and not sure if we will be able to cope with the winters. It will break my heart to leave my only grandchildren here. But we miss the British way of life and walking in the countryside. However, the thought of having to deal with the stress of packing everything up, move and start again is fairly daunting at our age.

I am about to move back and am having lots of last minute doubts which I think is very common. This is my second move back to the UK after my second stint in Aus - I am somewhat of a yoyo! However it has taught me 2 things

 

i)Wherever I am I will miss something from Aus or the UK. I call it "Neither Here nor There" syndrome after the Bill Bryson book which summed it up perfectly. We are fortunate to have experienced living in both countries but neither is perfect so you will always miss something.

 

ii) A decision does not have to be permanent and the financial aspects of living here vs. there change as well as the exchange rate can change rapidly. When I moved out a $ was 33p, after the GFC it got up to 65p when I started looking into this move a year ago it was 48p . Then BREXIT happened and the iron Ore price shot up again and now it is 61p so I will now be buying a much nicer house in the UK than I had planned In 3- 4 years time I expect the $ will be much stronger so as a citizen I can always come back again - as could you. So my advice for what it's worth is do whats best for you right now and if it doesn't work out it won't be the end of the world.

'Neither Here nor There' syndrome! Love it! I love the way that Bill Bryson speaks fondly but with criticism of both countries. He can point out the faults in both places, whilst pointing out the treasures in both, and obviously enjoys living in both, with a dash of exasperation at times! I love Australia and I love the UK. I guess it is just about what tips the balance of pros and cons at particular life stages.

I would say that we were drawn to Australia, and now we're being drawn back to the UK. We weren't pushed, and we weren't looking for something better, just something different. The UK is our next adventure, and I'm hoping that the part of the UK we choose can live up to Australia, because those are some big boots to fill!

Hello

Thank heavens all the thing's I am worried about I thought I must be a little waky. First the packing easy the people come pack up have a chat with you deliver unpack you just put thing's were you would like them to go. Honestly that is the no hassle bit. We have done it 3 times every time the same. I am renting so getting the leave date and the mover date this time I will be solo as my husband passed away 2014 so he did all that and to be honest no problems me doing it well that is a worry also I have a little dog we have done that a few times also but now I am solo. Finding somewhere to live no family friends all over the place last time I saw them 1989 we have already done the staying with friends and in one of my last posts we overdid our stay date so that went badly. When you have nobody were do you pick the UK is huge beautiful far better places to live than the North but the North is familiar I had an email from an Estate Agent yesterday saying it would be hard for me with the dog but we have rented 3 times over the years with no problems so have thing's changed since 2009? when we were last there. Money say you have $40.000 that is going to be halved maybe less no Bank Account over there, and then the Pension you read a lot of stuff and I have been doing this for well over a year the best I have come up with is if you came before 2001 we should be able to keep some of our pension that is the Aussy one but is that right? I am in my last 60 next year I will be 70 and to be honest I think that will be to late even though I am well. If hubby were here we would be off but having nobody to talk thing's through is hard. I do hope you manage to get to where you want to be and settle. Take care. xx

Hello

Thank heavens all the thing's I am worried about I thought I must be a little waky. First the packing easy the people come pack up have a chat with you deliver unpack you just put thing's were you would like them to go. Honestly that is the no hassle bit. We have done it 3 times every time the same. I am renting so getting the leave date and the mover date this time I will be solo as my husband passed away 2014 so he did all that and to be honest no problems me doing it well that is a worry also I have a little dog we have done that a few times also but now I am solo. Finding somewhere to live no family friends all over the place last time I saw them 1989 we have already done the staying with friends and in one of my last posts we overdid our stay date so that went badly. When you have nobody were do you pick the UK is huge beautiful far better places to live than the North but the North is familiar I had an email from an Estate Agent yesterday saying it would be hard for me with the dog but we have rented 3 times over the years with no problems so have thing's changed since 2009? when we were last there. Money say you have $40.000 that is going to be halved maybe less no Bank Account over there, and then the Pension you read a lot of stuff and I have been doing this for well over a year the best I have come up with is if you came before 2001 we should be able to keep some of our pension that is the Aussy one but is that right? I am in my last 60 next year I will be 70 and to be honest I think that will be to late even though I am well. If hubby were here we would be off but having nobody to talk thing's through is hard. I do hope you manage to get to where you want to be and settle. Take care. xx

Sorry can't offer an opinion in most aspects but don't worry about finding a dog friendly rental. It really isn't that difficult. True you don't have the full pick of the houses available but there are plenty that state pets accepted. Esp with only 1 dog. I had 3 and still found no real issues. Haven't even had to pay extra bond although you could offer.

Hi Pommysheila

If I may say so you are very brave contemplating a return alone. If we were a couple of decades younger we would not hesitate as we would still have the stamina (and time!) to come back again if it didn't work out, although it's an expensive business.

'the best I have come up with is if you came before 2001 we should be able to keep some of our pension that is the Aussy one but is that right?'

As I understand it, you get a proportion of your Oz pension pro rata depending on how many years you have worked in Oz. We don't have that problem at the moment as our pensions all come from the UK, hence the worry about the exchange rate. We are not entitled to an Oz pension for several years yet, but doubt if we ever will be as they keep changing the rules! We would certainly be better off financially in the UK a price we were prepared to pay to be with family. Our UK pensions were frozen the minute we set foot on Australian soil. Luckily we do have some other private pensions.

Hi Pommysheila

Like you I am going back on my own having lost my husband and I am also wondering where to settle. It partly depends on whether I get a job and where that is. I go round in circles trying to work out which to sort out first, job or house. You are so right about it being hard having no one to talk to. What made you decide to go back?

Hello

Thank heavens all the thing's I am worried about I thought I must be a little waky. First the packing easy the people come pack up have a chat with you deliver unpack you just put thing's were you would like them to go. Honestly that is the no hassle bit. We have done it 3 times every time the same. I am renting so getting the leave date and the mover date this time I will be solo as my husband passed away 2014 so he did all that and to be honest no problems me doing it well that is a worry also I have a little dog we have done that a few times also but now I am solo. Finding somewhere to live no family friends all over the place last time I saw them 1989 we have already done the staying with friends and in one of my last posts we overdid our stay date so that went badly. When you have nobody were do you pick the UK is huge beautiful far better places to live than the North but the North is familiar I had an email from an Estate Agent yesterday saying it would be hard for me with the dog but we have rented 3 times over the years with no problems so have thing's changed since 2009? when we were last there. Money say you have $40.000 that is going to be halved maybe less no Bank Account over there, and then the Pension you read a lot of stuff and I have been doing this for well over a year the best I have come up with is if you came before 2001 we should be able to keep some of our pension that is the Aussy one but is that right? I am in my last 60 next year I will be 70 and to be honest I think that will be to late even though I am well. If hubby were here we would be off but having nobody to talk thing's through is hard. I do hope you manage to get to where you want to be and settle. Take care. xx

The dog will not be an issue. We moved back last year to Windsor which is one of the hardest places in the country to get a rental with a dog and we had a choice of places. We only had two weeks to find a place and it wasn't an issue. We even had an air BnB with no problems with the dog.

Hi ScottieGirl

Honestly I am not sure I have done this so many times in the past it is all I seem to think about. I came in 1989 and till 2004 I was staying then I went to see how my Dad was doing as my mum had passed in 2002 and I wasn't there for that and I felt bad. That was it the ponging began and never stopped there would always be a reason to come back to Australia and one to go back to the UK. Then hubby passed and I was on my own I have said on this site before my son who was one of the reason I would come back has fallen out with me again. My husband in 2014 was getting close to a transplant and I asked if we could stay with them for a short time whilst he recovered as we would have to travel up to Melbourne 4 times a week. His fiancée didn't like that idea and so they fell out but when hubby got sick I contacted him to say he should come and see him which he did. Then he passed and for a few weeks thing's were okay between us. Then in 2015 he took offence at a calendar I had bought and threw it at me one thing led to another and that Christmas I was on my own and 2016 so I thought do I want to spend another and here we are. Course there is more to it than this but I would have to keep writing to you for years and really people want advise not my history that is for the Doctors :laugh: Anyway I will be 69 in May so already on both pensions not really rich I have people I can talk to but you shut your door and that is it. Not sure if you are my age you say you will be looking for work. How do we make a decision as this will be the last finally the money runs out.

You know Sheila, in your position I wouldn't do it. Too big a move. I would look at living in a retirement village in Australia where you wouldn't have too much to do and there is a ready made social life through the village. They vary in cost a lot but some are very reasonable and near public transport and shops. I wouldn't be staying with anyone or beholden to anyone because, as you know, the relationship can go sour after you have stayed more than a few days.

Pommyshelia I am 15 years younger than you so pensions are not a consideration yet. Only you know whether you will be financially better offer here or in the UK but in terms of starting again and finding friends you can do that in either country, there are plenty of widows, widowers and late life divorcees in both. You just have to talk about sport more over here!

I do not think you should worry at the ages your children are, my parents took me to live in Africa at 11 and I never worried as long as they were there. The worry for me and my brother who was born in Africa came when my Mum became for some reason homesick and made us think that all things other than UK sucked. So its nothing to do with the children its all about you and how you feel. If you do not like the return to UK and are vocal about it then the children will worry just like we did. My mum was ok in Africa it was when my Dad decided that we should move to New Zealand that the rot set in. Then his brother moved to Aus and he moved her to Aus, fortunately for me I was grown up and independent by then but my poor brother was not and it has affected him badly and even though he is now in his fifties its been horrible for him. Mum doted on him returned to the UK, took him and then returned and the upshot of this post is that you as parents have to be happy, if you are not then your children will know and be very very unhappy and this way it ruins lives, not mine but my brothers who is 13 years younger than me. He yearns for the extended family he was denied.

Also, can anyone recommend a good place to live in the Uk within a commutable driving distance of London but which also offers facilities etc for a young family to settle in (our family are in Oxford)

I would suggest looking at a map of the Elizabeth Line cross rail that will be opening in 2018/19 (see link). Search for a home near this line (e.g. Reading) and it will be brilliant for commuting as you won't have to change from a mainline station to the underground.https://tfl.gov.uk/travel-information/improvements-and-projects/elizabeth-line. Crossrail 2 is also planned http://crossrail2.co.uk/ for SW England and Surrey.