What have i done!

Ok where to start! My 14 year old has just said that she hates australia and wants to go back to the UK which was a huge shock! We have been here 6 months and i thought she was the happiest out of us all! She has said that school is a waste of time as she does no work, her friends smoke weed, wag and drink and according to her so does the majority of students! She says her grades are also slipping! I find she is starting to use inappropriate language which she says she has to in order to fit in! She is happy enough going to school and she gets upset when i mention private schooling. I dont like the changes i see in her and when i mentioned this she got upset and told me she wanted to go home and didnt want to tell us as we all liked it here! Just dont know what to do! Has anyone else experienced this?

Sorry to hear this I had a similar experience with my 16 year old.Maybe you need to find a better school which you are thinking about.Hopefully someone with better exoerience of this will come along with better advice than I can give.

14 is a difficult age with hormones all over the place. Our daughter (13) is prone to just lash out when provoked and it is hard to take what they say literally sometimes. I imagine that saying she wants to return to the UK would be guaranteed to make you sit up and take notice.

If I knew there was any truth in her comments I would certainly look to pull her from that school, which is what I imagine that you voiced. Perhaps she was fabricating but couldn't backtrack after she had said it. She alludes to having friends she has at school (which is a positive given she has only been there 6 months). Maybe worth speaking to the Head to help allay concerns.

Being the mum of three boys I can guess she is lashing out because something else deep down is bothering her. Is she being bullied but doesn't want to tell you? Unfortunately with social media bullying doesn't just stop at the school gate but they get it from the Internet as well. Like GGGS as said it could also be hormone related.

Also the novelty of being a new student and the attention may have worn off now and she as realised life here is still the same.

If the school is bad I would be looking to move her. I've found the church schools to be really good with stamping out bullying etc.

Any advice helps thanks you! Yes exactly what i thought! I know what she is saying about school and the students is true as my 12 year old son has confirmed this however he is doing fine! I will be speaking to here head of year to confirm here concearns 2! I have met her friends and they appear a nice bunch of girls but my sin as also confirmed some of them smoke weed! I know she would probably be in the same situation in the UK but feels they would be doing this at school! Overall she also says she hates australia as her life us no different and infact worse as she misses everyone! We have had no big dilemas with her just when i mentioned the way she was speaking ( bad language) this all unravelled and she got really upset! Just in shock because i have been so oblivious to this as she appeared happy!

Any advice helps thanks you! Yes exactly what i thought! I know what she is saying about school and the students is true as my 12 year old son has confirmed this however he is doing fine! I will be speaking to here head of year to confirm here concearns 2! I have met her friends and they appear a nice bunch of girls but my sin as also confirmed some of them smoke weed! I know she would probably be in the same situation in the UK but feels they would be doing this at school! Overall she also says she hates australia as her life us no different and infact worse as she misses everyone! We have had no big dilemas with her just when i mentioned the way she was speaking ( bad language) this all unravelled and she got really upset! Just in shock because i have been so oblivious to this as she appeared happy!

Just watch that she isn't trying to guilt trip you as well for her unwanted behaviour. From what you have found out I would most certainly be removing her from that school.

I agree re- the school if that's concerning. You may want to consider visiting a school psychologist (or referral to one who works with teens), for her to discuss the issues - it may be as others have said a reactionary statement but may also be rooted in her dislike for the friendship group she's ended up with. If she's not being stretched then chose a school which will stretch her.

I agree with Pom Queen.My son had these bad experiences in state high and in the end stopped going.I know there are some great state schools but if you can afford it go private. Then again my daughter thrived in state primary school and had a great time.

Unfortunately social media didnt help my son wanting to return to the UK as he was always talking to friends in the UK and said he was going back when he could.

Thanks all it good to hear from those who have been in this circumstance as being my eldest teenagers are a whole new parenting level! I have considered all of the above and sure agree with many! Thanks again knew emigrating at her age would be difficult but this was a very unexpected blow! She is refusing to even consider private schooling amd i know as a mother we have the ultimate say but when your child is attending school with no issues (meaning she goes happily) i dont want to have problems with her attending private school! Thanks all will keep you updated! First stop is head of year!

Thanks all it good to hear from those who have been in this circumstance as being my eldest teenagers are a whole new parenting level! I have considered all of the above and sure agree with many! Thanks again knew emigrating at her age would be difficult but this was a very unexpected blow! She is refusing to even consider private schooling amd i know as a mother we have the ultimate say but when your child is attending school with no issues (meaning she goes happily) i dont want to have problems with her attending private school! Thanks all will keep you updated! First stop is head of year!

Does it have to be private Loulou ... are there other state schools in your area?

Big hugs from the mum of a 13 year old!

There is probably a bit of 'culture shock' going on for both of you - I struggled with what is considered acceptable language (I didn't realise quite how uptight I was until I lived in Australia!). At 5 my son started saying 'damn it' and I would pick him up on it until I helped out in his classroom one day and found the kids all said it and the teacher didn't bat an eyelid - I realised that we had chosen to bring our child up in Australia and had to accept Australian culture is different.

She no doubt has many conflicting feelings - at 14 she would have anyway and add a move into the mix is going to make it even harder for her. What she says on one day is probably going to be very different to what she's says the next.

That said there probably are some genuine concerns about school - the education system is a bit different and at 14 there isn't the same pressure that there is in the UK (I see that as a huge positive) as there are not exams at 15/16. I found my sons school much better at developing confident, independent learners and now we're back in the UK his head teacher here agrees, actually asked to meet with me to discuss the education he had in Australia as he was so impressed with my son

So I wouldn't be worrying too much about what she is actually learning - it is just a different system but drinking and drugs would concern me, the great thing is your daughter is telling you but the worry I would have is that she joins in to fit it.

I suggest you arrange visits to some other possible schools - I'm not sure why she would get upset about a private school - perhaps again she's coming at it with the stigma private schools in the UK have - with no pressure to move unless she wants to.

The entire time we were in Australia my son said he wanted to move back to Scotland, hated everything Australian, didn't want Australian citizenship. The other day he was getting a general telling off for being a lazy teenager and he burst into tears and said he missed Australia!! I am sure he does but that's not why his room was a mess

As a parent you have to do what is right for you and the whole family even if a teenager makes you feel guilty about it!

This morning the same child told me how it had been easy for him to transition to high school in September because he is used to making new friends and he was glad he hadn't just stayed in Scotland his whole life - so finally he admitted mum was right I am sure he'll move back to Australia one day!!!!!

Don't fall into the trap of thinking that she wouldn't encounter the same issues at a private school. Our daughters experienced exactly the same problems at their very expensive school. It was horrendous. However, you could try to persuade her to at least look at different options, state and private - she might have a look and feel at home straight away.

Definitely talk to her teachers in the first instance and see what they say, but be aware that she may well seem fine to them. You know her best, so keep watching her and try to keep the communication open without asking leading questions (easier said than done!). You'll soon see if she's settling.

It's only been six months and the long holidays are coming up, so see how she goes over Christmas? Six months is a tough stage - the 'honeymoon' is over, but you haven't really settled and made firm connections. Maybe the holidays will give her time to see friends on her own terms and spend fun time away from the classroom with them (unless they're spending all their time smoking weed!).

I feel for you (and her); it's a tough time and 14 is a difficult age to start afresh, but it can work out ok in the end. We came back to the UK which was an easy (and the right) choice for us, but others weather the storm and settle eventually.

I struggled with what is considered acceptable language (I didn't realise quite how uptight I was until I lived in Australia!). At 5 my son started saying 'damn it' and I would pick him up on it until I helped out in his classroom one day and found the kids all said it and the teacher didn't bat an eyelid - I realised that we had chosen to bring our child up in Australia and had to accept Australian culture is different.

Was going to make the same point - this goes through the work environment too in Australia; working for the the same company before moving I heard more swearing in the office in 4 weeks in Oz than I did in 10 years in the UK. I have learnt to adapt - which is part of the move. My two year old is getting a bit too cheeky though so may need to stamp down on that!

In terms of drinking and drugs, at 14 those are going to be part and parcel of a lot of schools and the journey of adolesence, irrespective of continent. I went to a private school in the UK, and through sport am familiar with my old local schools, all of which had similar issues.

Suggest continual open, non judgemental conversations will allow her to open up. When I was 16 I told my parents I smoked, and I was "allowed" to smoke in the garden. They didn't like it but it meant that I wasn't hiding stuff... If through this it turns out to be more sinister such as bullying then would be more concerned.