Ping Pong Poms....

Hello all.

I am new to the forum (have lurked for a while but only just joined) and would like some advice and opinions, possibly from people in a similar position....

We (myself, my husband and then 3yr old and 1yr old) emigrated" to Australia in 2008 via my husband's lateral transfer to the ADF. We were initially posted to Singleton NSW and, to cut a long story short, I hated it on arrival. Complete culture shock and felt completely isolated. My husband, on the other hand, was happy in Aus - nothing much changed for him, same job, familiar faces and contacts with a less stressful work environment. Fast forward 12mths and we manufactured a move to Melbourne - I loved Melbourne! However, the seed of going home to UK had already began to germinate and so I never settled. I remained completely focused on organising the move home. Although I enjoyed Melbourne, I still felt quite isolated - but I guess that's understandable given the short period of time we lived there (18 mths). Anyway, we left Australia in 2011 and were lucky enough to sort ourselves out with schools, a house and my husband walked straight into a good job (that he still has). However, after about 2yrs, I started to feel like I missed Australia.... So every now and then, the conversation pops up but then it's swept back under the carpet. But this time it really is a serious itch and I find myself thinking "what if" ALL THE TIME 5 years on....

My husband says I should go back to visit and get a feel for it under different circumstances but I'm worried I would see it from a different perspective without the rest of the family... We can't afford for us all to have a holiday at the minute due to school, cost etc.

I never understood the term "ping pong Poms" but I really do now and it's an awful feeling!!

I should add that my husband and children all now have Aussie citizenship and I have an expired PR visa. I've looked into it and all I would need is to apply for is a RRV so it wouldn't be a long drawn out exercise to go back.... Other than my husband getting a job offer!

Are there any other Ping Pommers?? Any advice? Any experiences to share, good or bad?

a few months back in Oz and you will feel the same as you did first time and want to return to the UK, stay where you are and dont waste money, it happens all the time and people ping pong several times.

What exactly is it that you feel you are missing by not being in Australia because you don't mention any reasons? And what is wrong with your current location?

Your husband must be a saint fjm, following all your changing moods.

a few months back in Oz and you will feel the same as you did first time and want to return to the UK, stay where you are and dont waste money,

Some people settle very happily the second time - you don't know this family and their circumstances.

a few months back in Oz and you will feel the same as you did first time and want to return to the UK, stay where you are and dont waste money, it happens all the time and people ping pong several times.

Not always the case with people who return PB. I have met quite a few people who are on their second time around and have happily settled this time. Be it they settled somewhere else in Aus, had a better frame of mind for the move, had worked through their issues from the first time round. Some don't and ping pom again but its not always the case. Everyones experience is different.

I think you will always have 'what if's' with any major change in your life, not just migrating.

However, its worth looking back carefully over the exact reasons why you left. If you were homesick or missed people, it may well happen again. But having said that, if those people once you returned to the UK didn't really factor into your lives or you found yourself not spending much quality time with them anymore or they just didn't seem to care you were back, then it could change things second time round and help your mindset and how you look back on what you've left. People who are told 'we miss you, would love for you to come home' who then go home to find the people who said that have no real interest anymore can often feel cheated or let down and questioning why they returned.

If it was a factor last time round, would you be homesick a second time round, miss those people? Is it worth it to you for that to be the trade off if you could live in Aus again.

Second is if it was the isolation. Was this isolation in not knowing people, not building up your friendships, socially not having much going for you? Or isolation in another way? Emotionally being isolated is a horrible thing and it might need a tough mindset to work through it and get yourself out there to kick start those things happening.

What are your 'what ifs'? Its always going to happen, as I said. I doubt many people get through their life without a what if or two for some major life decisions.

As has been said, what is wrong with where you are now? Are you truly unhappy there or happy but just keep coming back to this thought?

I think a trip to Aus for you could be a good thing. Take a couple of weeks without the kids and husband and go have a long hard look at it (the city/area you have in mind) with a big dose of reality check thrown in. Not swept up in the possible holiday mode with young kids and all that, just you, is there enough there grabbing you or answering your questions to make a move back for you all something to seriously consider. Remember all the things you struggled with and see if you are better equipped to cope with them now or wanting to. Remember how it was and that it might be that way again and could take a huge effort from you to make it better but even with that, it may not happen.

There is no crystal ball. No one can say it will or won't work out. But if what is driving you is serious and you can't ignore it, its worth at least looking to see if its really worth uprooting everyone all over again. If your husband and kids are happy to move back and husband would do so tomorrow sort of thing, then its only really you to be certain or not. You need to keep in mind its not a perfect place, its vast, uncompromising on occasion and can be tough going emotionally. And that what happened first time round could happen again. Although there is a good chance it might not. If you are not focusing on planning a move back to the UK from the off then you could give yourself time to build a life there.

Hello all.

 

I am new to the forum (have lurked for a while but only just joined) and would like some advice and opinions, possibly from people in a similar position....

 

We (myself, my husband and then 3yr old and 1yr old) emigrated" to Australia in 2008 via my husband's lateral transfer to the ADF. We were initially posted to Singleton NSW and, to cut a long story short, I hated it on arrival. Complete culture shock and felt completely isolated. My husband, on the other hand, was happy in Aus - nothing much changed for him, same job, familiar faces and contacts with a less stressful work environment. Fast forward 12mths and we manufactured a move to Melbourne - I loved Melbourne! However, the seed of going home to UK had already began to germinate and so I never settled. I remained completely focused on organising the move home. Although I enjoyed Melbourne, I still felt quite isolated - but I guess that's understandable given the short period of time we lived there (18 mths). Anyway, we left Australia in 2011 and were lucky enough to sort ourselves out with schools, a house and my husband walked straight into a good job (that he still has). However, after about 2yrs, I started to feel like I missed Australia.... So every now and then, the conversation pops up but then it's swept back under the carpet. But this time it really is a serious itch and I find myself thinking "what if" ALL THE TIME 5 years on....

 

My husband says I should go back to visit and get a feel for it under different circumstances but I'm worried I would see it from a different perspective without the rest of the family... We can't afford for us all to have a holiday at the minute due to school, cost etc.

 

I never understood the term "ping pong Poms" but I really do now and it's an awful feeling!!

 

I should add that my husband and children all now have Aussie citizenship and I have an expired PR visa. I've looked into it and all I would need is to apply for is a RRV so it wouldn't be a long drawn out exercise to go back.... Other than my husband getting a job offer!

 

Are there any other Ping Pommers?? Any advice? Any experiences to share, good or bad?

i didnt settle the first time we moved to oz & i made my husbands life miserable until he agreed to move back to the uk. it was brilliant being back for a few months but i realised pretty quickly it was a huge mistake & that i threw away a pretty fab life in oz & we started saving all over again to move back out to oz. when i thought about why i didnt settle the first time i realised i just wasnt mature enough to leave my family the first time & i just had a bad attitude. always comparing things & being frustrated about silly things that i thought were bad when really they were just different. i didnt have any friends & thought ozzies were unfriendly but really i was just horrible to be around.

we managed to move back after a couple of years saving & it has been brilliant this time. we moved back to the same place we were the first time & this time i have made lots of lovely friends & i really appreciate everything oz has to offer. i have a lifestyle my friends in the uk have to go on holiday for & apart from wishing my family was closer i dont miss anything about my old life in the uk. the only real difference though this time around is my attitude.

i dont think a holiday will help. you need to look inside your own self & think about why you gave up the first time. i know a few people who ping ponged & they have all settled the second time & are really happy. mostly they agree the difference is attitude. but no one else can tell you how it will be for you. this forum has lots of useful visa advice but dont expect much support for moving back to oz. i think a handful of people have made it the anti living in oz forum & the happy successful people dont post much anymore.

We have seen / read of many families who end up being Ping Pong Poms, some come and go once or twice some numerous times, deep down only you know what may work for you, i would advise trying to stay at least 2 or 3 years if you do come back to try again as that will give you more time to settle and form friendships so you dont feel as alone.

Lots of luck for whatever you decide

Cal x

Your husband must be a saint fjm, following all your changing moods.

What part of the OPs question does this answer? Maybe if you don't have anything to add to a thread, just don't touch the keyboard!

:arghh:

I think it is questionable for a couple to ping pong but with children it just doesn't feel right to keep uprooting them. We returned from Australia 18 months ago (and we were very happy and settled there) and sometimes I wonder if we did the right thing but we remind ourselves of the reasons behind our move and we know it made sense for us. It does require some objective thinking to do that though, perhaps write down reasons you moved back, pros and cons and pull it out and re read next time you feel wobbly.

It is natural to look back and wonder though, it is a blessing to have had the opportunity to live somewhere else but the downside is you compare and wonder if you did the right thing. I lived in a third country ten years ago and HATED it, was desperately unhappy, but even with that I look back and wonder did I do the right thing in leaving (was there two years). My husband reminds me that I was in tears for the majority of the time, but you see once you have removed yourself from the situation the memory plays tricks and you remember the positives more than the negatives.

I also don't see how a holiday will help to clarify your thoughts, it is a holiday and they usually are a lot of fun, but it isn't real life. It sounds like you have a good life and a settled family. I would let sleeping dogs lie.

What part of the OPs question does this answer? Maybe if you don't have anything to add to a thread, just don't touch the keyboard!

 

:arghh:

What part of the OPs question does this answer? Maybe if you don't have anything to add to a thread, just don't touch the keyboard!

Curse of the Expat! If it was the isolation then that won't be going away! I think it's being back in the mundane which makes us think there had to be more in life - a thirst for adventure perhaps, it even happens to me especially when the going gets tough for whatever reason. "What if" is a waste of time and energy. Look at what you've got and if it's good in terms of home, school, work, holidays, social network then that is probably as good as it's going to get anywhere. The boredom sets in no matter where you are and as an Expat it is very easy to compare the good of the then with the bad of the now. I guess you have a 50/50 chance of making it work if you were to move, are you prepared to gamble all you've got to have another go?

I know I will be a ping-pong when my parents kick the bucket and will the loathing I felt for the place before I left be better the next time around? I have no idea, I hope so, but at least I no longer vomit at the thought of returning. We went back for a month in January and it was lovely (to be away from the stress of being a carer!!!!) but there were moments when the familiar old depression began to settle on my shoulders and that alien feeling crept over me - I could shake it off because I knew it was just a month but it will be interesting to see if it reappears when I go back permanently. So on those grounds a visit might help you decide - go when it's stinking hot and you can't sleep at night perhaps.

Some people settle very happily the second time - you don't know this family and their circumstances.

No I don't but I do know that some people always think of the best bits when they leave a country and yearn for it again, I do when I think of Africa. When they get back to oz there is a good chance after a few months of thinking about the good things in the UK, and so the start of the life of a ping ponger. What I saying unless they are all 110% Australia is for them, don't waste your money.

What part of the OPs question does this answer? Maybe if you don't have anything to add to a thread, just don't touch the keyboard!

 

:arghh:

Who made you the forum police?

a few months back in Oz and you will feel the same as you did first time and want to return to the UK, stay where you are and dont waste money, it happens all the time and people ping pong several times.

Maybe the planning wasn't as good as we thought first time round work and location is key to help you settle.Sometimes we move because we can so why not millions do.

i didnt settle the first time we moved to oz & i made my husbands life miserable until he agreed to move back to the uk. it was brilliant being back for a few months but i realised pretty quickly it was a huge mistake & that i threw away a pretty fab life in oz & we started saving all over again to move back out to oz. when i thought about why i didnt settle the first time i realised i just wasnt mature enough to leave my family the first time & i just had a bad attitude. always comparing things & being frustrated about silly things that i thought were bad when really they were just different. i didnt have any friends & thought ozzies were unfriendly but really i was just horrible to be around.

 

we managed to move back after a couple of years saving & it has been brilliant this time. we moved back to the same place we were the first time & this time i have made lots of lovely friends & i really appreciate everything oz has to offer. i have a lifestyle my friends in the uk have to go on holiday for & apart from wishing my family was closer i dont miss anything about my old life in the uk. the only real difference though this time around is my attitude.

 

i dont think a holiday will help. you need to look inside your own self & think about why you gave up the first time. i know a few people who ping ponged & they have all settled the second time & are really happy. mostly they agree the difference is attitude. but no one else can tell you how it will be for you. this forum has lots of useful visa advice but dont expect much support for moving back to oz. i think a handful of people have made it the anti living in oz forum & the happy successful people dont post much anymore.

Agree with all of this hit the nail on the head you need to have a positive attitude and embrace the Australian way of life and not compare to the UK.I will add if you have ties to the UK like I did it's easier to feel unsettled and return.I was renting out my house and was on an unpaid employment break with my employer.If I never had this comfort blanket I am sure I would still be there having worked through the homesickness and the changes.I had sorted this out in my head just prior to leaving but everything was already planned and booked and too late to turn back.It wasn't long being in the UK before I thought **** what have I done my life was much better and I did all the hard work to get there.What I mean by life better is for me it's like being on a holiday without having to pay for it all the time.When I came back to the UK in the winter everything looked old and dirty compared to Australia's bright,new and clean looking houses and streets.Maybe that was just my impression.

Agree with all of this hit the nail on the head you need to have a positive attitude and embrace the Australian way of life and not compare to the UK.I will add if you have ties to the UK like I did it's easier to feel unsettled and return.I was renting out my house and was on an unpaid employment break with my employer.If I never had this comfort blanket I am sure I would still be there having worked through the homesickness and the changes.I had sorted this out in my head just prior to leaving but everything was already planned and booked and too late to turn back.It wasn't long being in the UK before I thought **** what have I done my life was much better and I did all the hard work to get there.What I mean by life better is for me it's like being on a holiday without having to pay for it all the time.When I came back to the UK in the winter everything looked old and dirty compared to Australia's bright,new and clean looking houses and streets.Maybe that was just my impression.

But to me is looks so tatty and cheap compared to the beauty and history and landscape of the U.K.,each to their own....

But to me is looks so tatty and cheap compared to the beauty and history and landscape of the U.K.,each to their own....

To each his own is right I find the UK tatty and cheap when I visit. Yes there are lovely old houses around, way too expensive for most of the population. Most of the population lives in cheap and tatty looking just like everywhere else in the world

To each his own is right I find the UK tatty and cheap when I visit. Yes there are lovely old houses around, way too expensive for most of the population. Most of the population lives in cheap and tatty looking just like everywhere else in the world

Fair enough but I found oz just full of fast food outlets, no history in the buildings and just full of concrete buildings...no historical buildings and just drab modern city centres....if you don't like hisoriac old buildings then modern Australia is ok but to me it is boring and lacking in anything.

To each his own is right I find the UK tatty and cheap when I visit. Yes there are lovely old houses around, way too expensive for most of the population. Most of the population lives in cheap and tatty looking just like everywhere else in the world

Tiny little houses, with no TV room, rumpus nor laundry. High street after high street of empty shops and endless Poundlands and pawn brokers.

Tiny little houses, with no TV room, rumpus nor laundry. High street after high street of empty shops and endless Poundlands and pawn brokers.

Quality Victorian and Georgian houses compared where I live to cramped modern houses with no gardens in oz and tin roofs in Perth...errr no contest.

I worked on them, the quality of new houses in oz is shocking, no insulation and walls so thin if you try and put a nail in the wall it would collapse 100% true.

Rubbish. Walls don't collapse when you put a nail in.

If you made a wall out of thin plasterboard then you must have been a terrible tradesman.

Rubbish. Walls don't collapse when you put a nail in.

If you made a wall out of thin plasterboard then you must have been a terrible tradesman.

You only get the materials to work with parley cross, the average house was built last 30 years in oz, I am being 100% honest that quality of new builds in Australia was shocking compared to the UK, any tradesman on this forum if they are being honest would agree.