Talk me through the settling (homesickness) cycle!!

Oh god been here less than a week and in the run up I never really stopped to think about homesickness - or at least not for me! I'd consider myself a very positive person, have been to Aus many times, often for several months at a time, I only ever imagined I'd get involved stuff and at least make acquaintances quickly. So how come now I'm here as soon as night falls I am practically on the brink of panic about the enormity of leaving a happy secure life in UK to be here with nowhere to live, limited funds and not knowing anybody?

I suddenly get overwhelmed by the fact that I don't know a single person within an hours drive. It sometimes feels like there is nothing out there.

Please tell me once the kids start school, we move into a house and I get a job I will stop feeling this! Is this normal?

Things start to change as soon as you make a few friends and get to know people you can ring up and have a chat to. You have to get out there though- no one will come to you, you have to go to them! Here endeth the first lesson!:hug:

The only thing I can say as I stopped counting after 17 moves after getting married, every time to somewhere new, is that it is scary, but you aren't the first to feel that way, don't panic it's normal.

Take it day by day, I'm sure as soon as one thing falls into place, it begins to feel more familiar, you will feel better.

Where are you, perhaps there is a face group meet up near you?

keep posting because lots of have felt the same and will support you.

Oh god been here less than a week and in the run up I never really stopped to think about homesickness - or at least not for me! I'd consider myself a very positive person, have been to Aus many times, often for several months at a time, I only ever imagined I'd get involved stuff and at least make acquaintances quickly. So how come now I'm here as soon as night falls I am practically on the brink of panic about the enormity of leaving a happy secure life in UK to be here with nowhere to live, limited funds and not knowing anybody?

 

I suddenly get overwhelmed by the fact that I don't know a single person within an hours drive. It sometimes feels like there is nothing out there.

 

Please tell me once the kids start school, we move into a house and I get a job I will stop feeling this! Is this normal?

Stepping stones - from the start of your journey to the end - one at a time - I think it would be fairly normal to feel like that especially as you have kids with you. Choose the school, then the house and then the job - good luck and expect the odd wobble - I am sure there are a lot of people on here who have felt it too.

Thanks, all good words of advice! It reassuring that it's quite normal. I'm going along to an 'exercise in the park' class on Sat. Kids school is sorted so I'll try to make contact with a few parents too. Can't wait for next 4 weeks to be over and have some 'normality'!

Do you get homesick going on holiday? This is just the same, muck in and get on with it. Never let yourself think that there is no escape should you need it, it's just another day and another adventure. It'll either work out in which case you win, or it won't then you make a new decision and go with it. Will it work out? no one knows but you've done the deed now suck it and see. Good luck!

Unlike your trips before, this was a one way and so the feelings you are having cannot be compared to when you were on holiday and had a return date set.

I'd try not to put too much expectation on yourself or be on a clock watch or have expectations of what you should be doing or have going on. Small steps, know some days it'll be tough going but others should be easier. Also the jet lag can cause you to be irrational and tired and perhaps not thinking straight so cut yourself some slack. Arriving in winter can also be harder going as you tend to stay in in the evenings instead of heading out into the warm evenings. So you are sat around and have time to think and fret. Deep breaths and try to remember why you wanted to make the move.

It is the same as going on holiday really - just that you don't have the date set but if you get into the mind set that this is IT and there is no escape it becomes much more difficult to get settled. Having an escape route is always empowering, if you start out feeling trapped it is so much harder.

Are you not with your husband and children?

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Yes 'the escape' option is empowering - I now have my head around that! And keeping in mind why we did make the move! It's funny how quickly you see 'home' through rose coloured glasses...

you're right Claire, I do have my immediate family with me which is why I didn't expect to feel homesick, but it's more the community of friends and family at home i miss, the convenience of it all.

anyway great to hear from people who understand, onwards and upwards!

So how come now I'm here as soon as night falls I am practically on the brink of panic about the enormity of leaving a happy secure life in UK to be here with nowhere to live, limited funds and not knowing anybody?

I thought I was the only person who experiened this LOL! Positive person - check, get in volved sort of thing - check. Happy thoughts of the future.

Night comes - negative or really just not so positive thoughts creep in. What ifs, the bad what ifs. What in the seriously f are we doing...

Decide each night - nope, definitely should stay.

Come the morning, things seem a bit more positive. During the day more and more positive - this is a great move!

Night falls......

It must be normal if there are at least two of us!

It's a big big move. But really, what is the worst that can happen. You won't be shot in a cannon to the moon if it doesn't work out.

its harder to make friends in oz than in the UK , and as a saffa I know that. You are only at the start of your adventure, you have to join sporting clubs etc etc to get to know people, its hard but you can do it. Getting in touch with fellow brits is the best.

Just thought I'd update almost 1year on. It was all ok in the end! The first 4 months were very up and down for me and I'd happily have gone back to Uk. But after 4 months 'unfamiliar' became 'familiar', and we started to get invited out and now I am completely at home here. It was great to have support from fellow poms in those first few weeks!

On ‎22‎/‎06‎/‎2016 at 12:45, BlueKangaroo said:

Oh god been here less than a week and in the run up I never really stopped to think about homesickness - or at least not for me! I'd consider myself a very positive person, have been to Aus many times, often for several months at a time, I only ever imagined I'd get involved stuff and at least make acquaintances quickly. So how come now I'm here as soon as night falls I am practically on the brink of panic about the enormity of leaving a happy secure life in UK to be here with nowhere to live, limited funds and not knowing anybody?

 

I suddenly get overwhelmed by the fact that I don't know a single person within an hours drive. It sometimes feels like there is nothing out there.

 

Please tell me once the kids start school, we move into a house and I get a job I will stop feeling this! Is this normal?

For anyone reading this who has kids and feeling isolated, get onto the Facebook UK Mums in Melbourne page.  It's really supportive and I've already have three offers of playdates/coffee/wine and I don't arrive for another month!!!

On 23/06/2016 at 20:27, BlueKangaroo said:

Thanks, all good words of advice! It reassuring that it's quite normal. I'm going along to an 'exercise in the park' class on Sat. Kids school is sorted so I'll try to make contact with a few parents too. Can't wait for next 4 weeks to be over and have some 'normality'!

I lived in Sydney for 18 years then went back to England for 12 years and when I returned to Sydney, for the first few months it was if I'd never been to Sydney in my life because everything was alien. I used to love reading the Aussie newspapers but when I read them all I could think was 'where is the real news from the UK?"

Make the effort with those mums on the school run. There are probably some who are desperately lonely and in an even worse boat than you.

I push myself to speak to people in situations I would not normally do it. Go into a cafe and introduce yourself to the staff. In no time you will be a "local" there. Last time I got my hair cut I was talkiing to the young barber and asked him about his father. Turned out he is the same age as me so I asked him if he had a photo to show me. He supports his family back in Iran. I go into cafes, pubs, shops, near my home and I know the names, and they know mine. 20 years ago this would never have happened.

Coming to a new place to live as opposed to a holiday is different too. It requires a different mindset. You know, you're not going "home" in a few weeks (though of course you can) and you are working. I found it difficult when I went back to England to live and found I did not know the place despite frequent holidays there.