How to break the news to close family?

Hi all,

I've had several failed attempts at broaching the subject of migration with my close family.

At what stage did everyone else tell them? After you have the visa? During the process?

What did you say and how did they react?

I told my family last summer, when I was setting out on the path of getting the paperwork together.

I already live 450 miles away from them, so it wasn't really an issue. What's the difference, when you only see them a couple of times a year, anyways?

Told them straight that I'm planning on moving to Australia. Grandmother took it hard, I think; she's getting to the crumbly stage and would never be able to come out.

Parents pretty stoic about the whole thing: they know I've no particular love for the way the UK has been going for the past twenty years.

At the end of the day, I have to live my life for myself. Frankly, I think it's bloody selfish for anyone to turn around and whinge about you going: do they only ever do things that please other people?

I laid the seed early on in the process - at that point I genuinely didn't know if I could get the visa so just said we were looking into the possibility.

As I went through each stage I would keep them informed.

Although this perhaps gave them time to get used to the idea I felt it also prolonged the agony of having to tell them it was definitely happening.

I work with my family and see them all every day so my leaving will leave a big hole in their everyday life.

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I think springing it on people is unkind. As soon as you are sure you qualify for the visa and have lodged an application, then that is probably a good time to announce it. Don't expect people to be jumping for joy or to see this as a celebration, actually it would be pretty awful if your family did see you moving to the other side of the world to be something to celebrate. So handle is carefully, privately and with some sensitivity. It may be very exciting for you, but for others it is a loss and with the best will in the world, it could be a grieving period.

We told them when we started the process, which was 2 years ago, and we travel to Perth on 2nd June. Neither mine or Karen's families are particularly close, either in geographic location, or doing 'family' things, plus our parents have passed on a couple of years ago, so for us, it was easy, and almost an 'obligation; to tell them more than anything. I guess it will be different for everyone.

When we had the visa grant letter. Moving to AUS was not something we always wanted however it was a back up plan which became more attractive as time went on.

Our family were pleased as they could see we were in a rut, going nowhere although well paid. I guess having a brother who had lived in AUS and another in HK for last 10 years helped.

S

I am in a slightly unusual situation, being an 'oldie' about to make the move to Australia.

My mother is in a home suffering from dementia. I had always said that I would never leave while she was still alive, but my only child and tiny grandson are in Australia and we want to be with them, to help and to see him grow. Also our daughter could do with our help.

When our grandson was born last year, we told my only sibling that we were planning to pay for a parents visa and she was very positive about it, said we had done out bit and we couldn't be expected to miss the chance of joining our daughter by maybe failing the medical five years down the line. although she lives further away from mum she will take over responsibility for her. So now we have the visa, and have set ourselves an eighteen month time line for moving.

if if mum is still alive when we go, I won't tell her it's permanent. She knows we go to Australia to visit our daughter regularly and she has lost most of her sense of time ... So I will simply tell her we are going to Australia for a while. I intend to come back for three months every years to give my sibling a break.

I feel so torn about it all, but I am absolutely sure that if I could somehow travel back in time twenty years and discuss this with oth my parents, they would tell me to go. I hope I'm doing the right thing.

I told them when I first thought about it n mentioned it on n off...don't think they thought it would actually happen initially as was just an idea but I wanted them to know it was my plans to make it happen...they didn't think too much about it then thinking it may never come to anything...I didn't really see it as breaking news or it being a bad thing x

Wow I think your handling that perfectly and I'm sure your mum would be very proud and thankful for the kindness your showing to all your family and doing the right thing

I am in a slightly unusual situation, being an 'oldie' about to make the move to Australia.

 

My mother is in a home suffering from dementia. I had always said that I would never leave while she was still alive, but my only child and tiny grandson are in Australia and we want to be with them, to help and to see him grow. Also our daughter could do with our help.

 

When our grandson was born last year, we told my only sibling that we were planning to pay for a parents visa and she was very positive about it, said we had done out bit and we couldn't be expected to miss the chance of joining our daughter by maybe failing the medical five years down the line. although she lives further away from mum she will take over responsibility for her. So now we have the visa, and have set ourselves an eighteen month time line for moving.

 

if if mum is still alive when we go, I won't tell her it's permanent. She knows we go to Australia to visit our daughter regularly and she has lost most of her sense of time ... So I will simply tell her we are going to Australia for a while. I intend to come back for three months every years to give my sibling a break.

 

I feel so torn about it all, but I am absolutely sure that if I could somehow travel back in time twenty years and discuss this with oth my parents, they would tell me to go. I hope I'm doing the right thing.

Thanks for all your responses. I prefer the softer approach too, and telling them that we are thinking about it rather than we are definitely doing it. However, so far whenever it has been mentioned then either the subject has been quickly changed (by someone else) or it wasn't taken seriously. It's the idea of taking young grandchildren away that will be heartbreaking for them :-(

Perhaps, having mentioned the possibility, you could begin making passing references to it in everyday contexts. For example, if you were talking about the Internet, you could say something like " of course if we did go to Australia we would have to make sure we've got Skype sorted out " That way you are avoiding giving anyone chance to change the subject and keeping your possible move in full view.

At the end of the day. It's not easy. And it remains that way on and off...

It is what it is! But you'll get through it. As we all do one way or the other, You can always go back.

However, so far whenever it has been mentioned then either the subject has been quickly changed (by someone else) or it wasn't taken seriously. It's the idea of taking young grandchildren away that will be heartbreaking for them :-(

Probably just avoiding the subject as it's so hard for them to talk about it. My family hardly ever mention it.....

............... It's the idea of taking young grandchildren away that will be heartbreaking for them :-(

Probably just avoiding the subject as it's so hard for them to talk about it. My family hardly ever mention it.....

Me being an aussie, the PIL always knew we were going to give australia a try, although as the leaving date got nearer, the comments got louder.

We lived 10 miles away from the PIL when in the uk. The ohs mum would drive over every second week to see her and the grandson. I think both of them drove over to us about once every four or five months. We drove over to them every week or so.

Now they come out to australia for three months straight each year. It can be difficult. Especially for me coming home from a busy day at work and finding other people constantly in my space.

But in that time they actually spend quality time with the grandkids. Its the equivalent of seeing their grandkids every fourth day, they never got anywhere near that in the uk. my parents live an hour and a bit away, they see us once every few months..........

Me being an aussie, the PIL always knew we were going to give australia a try, although as the leaving date got nearer, the comments got louder.

 

 

 

We lived 10 miles away from the PIL when in the uk. The ohs mum would drive over every second week to see her and the grandson. I think both of them drove over to us about once every four or five months. We drove over to them every week or so.

 

Now they come out to australia for three months straight each year. It can be difficult. Especially for me coming home from a busy day at work and finding other people constantly in my space.

 

But in that time they actually spend quality time with the grandkids. Its the equivalent of seeing their grandkids every fourth day, they never got anywhere near that in the uk. my parents live an hour and a bit away, they see us once every few months..........[/QUOT

 

 

 

 

 

its knowing you can see your family if you want to that makes the difference, something I don't think anyone who has not been in that position can ever really understand. We rent our own place if we can afford it and swap houses if we can't, because we like our own space too .... But no holiday can make up for that awful feeling of wondering when you are going to see them next. Even when firm plans are in place, things can go wrong at the last minute. And there's always that horrible trip to the airport at the end.

Me being an aussie, the PIL always knew we were going to give australia a try, although as the leaving date got nearer, the comments got louder.

 

 

 

We lived 10 miles away from the PIL when in the uk. The ohs mum would drive over every second week to see her and the grandson. I think both of them drove over to us about once every four or five months. We drove over to them every week or so.

 

Now they come out to australia for three months straight each year. It can be difficult. Especially for me coming home from a busy day at work and finding other people constantly in my space.

 

But in that time they actually spend quality time with the grandkids. Its the equivalent of seeing their grandkids every fourth day, they never got anywhere near that in the uk. my parents live an hour and a bit away, they see us once every few months..........

My Mum used to ask now and again if OH (Australian) and I would end up moving to Australia and for the first few years of our marriage we were settled in the UK. She was quite excited for us when we did decide to live here. We probably saw her every couple of months or so for a weekend in the UK. We lived in Liverpool and she was in Scotland. Once we settled in Australia she visited us every 2nd year from November until March. She loved her holidays here. After I had children, we went back every 2nd year (on the year she didn't come) for the 6 weeks school summer holidays.

It's a really hard thing to do but you've just got to say it. Be prepared to be strong.

Be nice.

You might not stay in Australia forever! and this is your family forever xx

@fisher 1

well done you. Can't imagine it's easy leaving. but you only live once and so nice to have supportive sibling. My friend moved over last year and his mum has dementia and as you will know there are varying degrees but she is not great and his words when his dad died was he felt like he lost both parents that day... Good luck x

ive left my parents who are generally well but the thought of not being there for them if they're unwell or less capable as they age doesn't bear thinking about but they have always been supportive of our move and are visiting next week ?

Hi all,

I've had several failed attempts at broaching the subject of migration with my close family.

At what stage did everyone else tell them? After you have the visa? During the process?

What did you say and how did they react?

I married an Aussie and when our oldest child was born we made a 5yr plan (it became 3kids and 10yrs later...) and everyone knew it was in our heads but nobody thought we'd do it. I was upset telling them but our oldest daughter was diagnosed with diabetes and a friend moved after his dad died and we only live once... You've got to think about your own family unit. It's not easy but I'd rather try it and know it was/wasn't the best thing than always wonder.

when we applied for visa we told everyone... Then we booked flights to organise for schools for kids. It was only myself who needed visa so we landed January 7th this year...

my parents have always supported us but they are really missing the kids. They are coming this week to visit .. Face time makes things easier and I still use my UK mobile...

hopefully they support you but don't get upset if they're not happy, it's just cos they'll miss u x

have a quiet night/day organised and just tell them reasons for applying and hope it all works out good luck x