My dream is over

I came home tonight to be met with the kids being told to go upstairs and for me to come in the kitchen. Bad news.

My father in law had discovered a growth on his face and had been to the doctor to check it out. Basically it is a form of skin cancer which is hereditary and his family have a 10% higher chance than normal of getting it. The say they've caught it soon enough before it became a problem but must not take further risks. He's been told that Australia is out of the question due to the depleted ozone layer and that as Australia moves closer to the sun than Europe during summer this increases the risk of skin cancer by another 15%. Fair skin folk also have a higher than average risk of skin cancer and we are all fair skinned. My wife reckons the risks are too high for her and the kids to go to Australia... I have to agree.

I feel guilty for being depressed that my dream is shattered, when my wife's dad is facing something life threatening. I just feel lost. Should of known it seemed to good to be true...

Hello, NJ

I agree that it is a dreadful situation. I hope & pray that everything will be OK for your FiL.

Honey, there is another angle to this which you are not seeing yet (understandably.) The gene which causes this particular form of cancer has been proven to be an hereditary one.

Therefore your wife could have inherited it, and/or might be a silent carrier of it (women cannot develop the symptoms of haemophilia but it is carried on the X chromosome so it passes to a son via his mother only.)

Would you want to risk the health of your wife or your children in circumstances such as these? If I were you, I would start investgating Norway in a hurry and I am NOT being facetious, given Global Warming etc.

Best wishes

Gill

I don't know what to say NJ .... after the news has sunk in you may have other options of following your dream

Good luck to you and your family and I hope your father in law recovers

Ali

Hi NJ,

So sorry to read of your bad news for your family, i cant begin to imagine how you must all be feeling right now and your father inlaw especially.

Here there wherever its health and love that matter the most

Take care of each other

Gizmo x

Hi Nj

Sorry to hear your awful news, its a blow to say the least!!!! :sad:

Just to wish you well and to remember that your health (or in this case your wife, kids & father in law's) is far more important right now.

Thinking of you and best wishes to you all xxxxx

He's been told that Australia is out of the question due to the depleted ozone layer and that as Australia moves closer to the sun than Europe during summer this increases the risk of skin cancer

There is undoubtedly an increased risk of skin cancer here for everyone who isn't careful but you may not be aware of the following.

A significant number of people here (in Aus) get yearly check ups for skin cancer - there are special clinics set up to do only this. Many clinics bulk bill (ie its free). My ginger headed friends do check-ups as often as six monthly - I think?

Kids swim with long sleeve T-shirts. Kids & many adults wear hats whenever out & about. Many more do if they know they're going to be out in the sun for long periods. It seems that all school uniforms have wide brim hats & they are unselfconciously worn. Few people actually bother to sunbathe (except perhaps pommy tourists ) - it's not considered too smart or cool consequently you will see a lot of lilly white skin walking around.

You might consider taking more professional advice before deciding?

Hi Fatpom...

Thats an interesting post.... Ta !

I have a auburn haired daughter (dont say ginger!!!), with a few freckles, bless her.

I was slightly worried, that's why we thought we would head Melbourne way, so that's great to know. What a great idea too !!!!!!

Cheers...... :cool:

Hiya just to back up what fatpom said,hes absolutely right youll be surprised how many ''tan-less'' aussies there are ,the skin cancer clinics are available all over Oz and recommended for anyone,my son wasnt too keen on the uniform hat until he saw all the kids have them ,,most schools have a moto of ''no hat no play'' so it is drilled into them from an early age ,so nj before you give up your dream have a word with a specialist and run your plans past them,,the outlook may not be as bad as you think ,,regards to your dad i hope he recovers well

take care

Cal x

I'm not sure of the best way to help you cope with this kind of news. Of course the most important consideration is for those who have a current health problem, i.e. your father-in-law. However, if it helps you at all in your deliberations, I would agree with everything fatpom has stated, as on our many extended visits to Australia, we have witnessed the greater recognisition there is of skin cancer. My own father suffered from the same dreaded disease and in fact had operations to remove the cancer. It was considered that he in fact had become susceptible to skin cancer during the second world war, whilst serving in North Africa. The danger it would appear, is greater when we have been exposed to the sun without protection, in our earlier years. That is why in a strange way Australia is one of the safest places to live, with regard to the sun; and it's dangers; as long as all the guidelines are followed. Schools are very much on-the-ball when it comes to educating children on it's effects and the schoolkids we have seen, have no problem in wearing the protective clothing as advised. Because of the greater awareness there is in Australia, I believe that statistics show skin cancer to be on the decline there, whereas I believe it is on the increase here in the U.K.

Of course your decisions have to be made not only on whatever facts or stories are thrown at you, but also on your "gut" reaction. If you all, as a family, feel uncomfortable about taking what you consider to be a risk, then it is never worth proceeding with the "dream" .

I wish you all well,

Eric.

Dear NJ,:sad:

Feeling sad for you and your family. But agree very much with Fatpom and Austibeach. Nowhere on this planet is 'safe' from UV rays. Skin cancer rates are increasing for everyone. I have just had a suspicious naevus removed. I am 39. It was benign.

There is a much-greater awareness world-wide. Even in the Northern hemisphere, people are not safe from UV damage.

I think you and your family need time to absorb this news which has understandably devastated you and rocked your world.

Wherever you go, wherever you live, the sun is out there, it is up to us to protect ourselves. Don't bin your dream.....put on hold for a while til you investigated every thing and do some research.

Sending love from PIO

Rachel x

Hi everyone and thanks so much for all your kind words and encouragement. I think I will push to have my wife and kids tested for this gene. Its too much to give up without a fight. Thanks again, I was choked reading your replies, you're all really great people.

I have a auburn haired daughter (dont say ginger!!!), with a few freckles, bless her.

 

Sorry jonseywife

I was born with red.... I mean auburn hair. It went blonde, then brown, now going grey but got lots of freckles... never had a sun tan.... just lots of pain & peeling.

Used to piss me off when I was young on my 'two weeks in the sun'. Everybody obsessed with getting a sun tan & all I was getting was looks of disgust & revulsion

My face neck & forearms can take the sun now (slow conditioning) but everywhere else is "white & proud". Which reminds me some of my more racist friends were always the ones most obsessed with getting the best sun tan - funny that???

In Aus someone with 'auburn hair' is often called "Bluey". Rather like a tall person is called 'shorty'.

So sorry to hear the news about your father in law.

On a (hopefully) positive note - can your wife and children not be tested for this gene? If they are found not to be carriers of it then your dream may not be over after all.

Karen x

I found out I have a lung tumor following my medical last week. I am still getting to OZ. Ali's right - give the news time to sink in and let your wife by there for her dad, but don't give up hope of following your dream. I am waiting on a CT scan to find out what kind tumor I have but I am stillgetting to OZ this year.

I think my dream could be over due to some silly mistakes as a youngster you should still try to talk your lass and the kids round because there is also a chance that they won,t get the skin disorder so keep yer chin up mate and look on the positive side of things