When did you know you wanted to go back to Uk?

Hi, we have been living in Queensland for 3 months. Although we really like it not sure if we will stay long term. My 13 year old daughter is really homesick, crying at night saying she wants to go home. I am hoping she will settle in time but wonder if anyone else can give advice. I know it's early days but it's breaking my heart seeing her so upset.

hello.

Me and my family moved out to oz back in 2006, and due to my own mistakes, i got in touch with British people who wanted to come back home, which of course, made me feel the same way! so, after 4 weeks of traveling round Australia to see if I'd change my mind, we came home. my kids and husband were devastated and do you know what? so was i! A few years later, my kids asked me if we could move back, so what we did was apply for visas again, and we got them, we are now moving back next year!

Explain to her that it will be a mistake, my daughter is 14 and she would leave England for Oz right now if she had the chance, tell her that she is very lucky and if you come home, she might never get the chance again.

Linda.

Thanks Linda, I have told her to try and enjoy it and we will she how she feels after Christmas. Think if I give her a smaller timeframe to concentrate on, it won't feel as bad

tell her it's normal to feel the way she is and things will get better but reflect and acknowledge her feelings. Tell her going home is not an option. Google culture shock and you'll see that three months is the most difficult time - they'll probably be advice for coping with children. What is she into - any hobbies/clubs/sports she could get involved in? Get her to join something at school - kids who are attached to school in any way are the most successful - not just new emigrants but everyone. If she's not connecting at school have a word with her teacher/school counselor and see if they can set up a peer group for her or encourage her to join the netball team/choir whatever. Book something to look forwards to in the next school holidays.

you are welcome, I'm sure when she's settled into school more she will enjoy it more.

good luck.

Linda

I totally empathise with her, my parents brought me back to the UK aged 13 and I felt like my whole life had been torn apart, but honestly she will soon settle, especially once she's at school.

I am now 38 and returning to Oz in October :jiggy:so don't be surprised if later in life she develops 'itchy feet' lol!

far from easy, however im sure in time she will settle, most say min of two years before you fully settle, good luck dont give up!

I would be finding out if she likes the school she is going to. May be something as simple as looking for another school. We do not always get the real reasons as they do not want to make a fuss and have mum charge off down to the school to see what is up.

Also try to get her interested in groups outside of school, lifesaving, tennis, gym classes or other things, meeting people they are not at school with is often the key as well.

Hi, we have been living in Queensland for 3 months. Although we really like it not sure if we will stay long term. My 13 year old daughter is really homesick, crying at night saying she wants to go home. I am hoping she will settle in time but wonder if anyone else can give advice. I know it's early days but it's breaking my heart seeing her so upset.

1987. I had been here 10 years then, and I knew then that I wanted to go home. Family circumstances prevented it, and I stayed, but for me...for me, I have stayed too long.

It is utterly different for you. What is happening can be likened to quite literally-uprooting. At this early stage, you still have roots imbedded in the UK, they are pulling at you!

You truly must give it longer than this. Look at what you went through to get here. It's a long process. You are a young family, this country is comparatively young. There is a lot of opportunity here for a new life/lifestyle.

I honestly see this as a waste of a potentially golden opportunity.

At your daughters age there is a huge vulnerability. Use every opportunity you can to explore the kind of things that young people would like. Take her to to the beach....lots of stuff,- I'm so rusty on what the young like today!

I also suggest that you need to show a tougher stance on this. Try very hard not to show upset for her upset; it will only make it worse.

Do all the leisure things that time and money permit, and for all of you, perhaps put a time limit on it. Maybe two years will look like a 'life sentence'! , but less than one year in my opinion is far too soon to look at returning to the UK.

Perhaps you could look at returning to the UK after Christmas, but take quite sometime in actually doing that.....?

Good luck. Don't waste the opportunity you worked so hard for. Give it more time.

The worst thing in the world mate is seeing a child upset and crying herself to sleep every night.

At that age they don't see the world as us adults, don't get me wrong, her reasons to want to return to the UK are as valid as any thoughts we adults have, it's just that they come at it from a different angle is all.

Give her time mate, she may settle, school, mates, outside interests 'can' make a huge difference to a mindset, child and adults alike.

But if she is still adamant in the future then only way is to talk to them and try to fathom what is going on, as they try and fathom us as well.:yes:

In my experience 13 is a very difficult time (when isn't when bringing up children,:twitcy:) and whilst she is 'grown' she will see the world completely different to how we se it at times.

All I can say mate, is the best of British, and let things to a degree take their course (with your love and support of course), but things may turn around matey.

Good luck with it all matey, and whoever ever kids were easy needs their head examining.:yes:

Cheers Tony.

Hi Scarletteve,

Sorry to hear your daughter is so unhappy. It must be very painful for you. Encourage your daughter to share her feelings on the young peoples section. There are others that have been through it. And to talk to a counselor. Your daughter is going through a grieving process, for everything and everyone she has left behind, so her feelings are natural and should be validated. Please do not tell her she is lucky to be in the position she is in, because it simply will not ring true to her and it will make her feel ashamed of how she feels. Then she will just go in on herself, and that is more dangerous than having her cry herself to sleep every night (and it is a credit to you that she can share her feelings with you in this way). There may be good things waiting for her in the future in Australia but she clearly has not come to feel that way yet, so the utmost patience is needed while she is suffering. Yes by all means encourage her to get involved with clubs and activities, but respect her sadness too.

After all many adult Brits make the decision to come back, often citing missing family and friends as the reason. They are adults who are in a position to be able to do what feels right for them. It must be terrible for children who have these same feelings of loss and sadness, but know there is nothing they can do to change their situation, and then even worse, have people tell them they are stuck there, and nothing they do or say will change that. I can imagine how if a situation is handled badly it could lead to long term depression. But I am sure, as your daughter can share her feelings with you she will be fine, and that in time she will move through her grief to get to a happier state of mind. Just give her time to grieve and find her support through that grief if she feels she needs it.

I read a post recently which really moved me, written by a young girl of sixteen on this forum who has suffered with delayed homesickness for many years, keeping it from all her family. She has now come to peace with living in Australia, because she has made the decision to come back to study in the UK, as soon as she is old enough. She now does not feel stuck. She writes about it on a thread I started. I have given you a link to this thread, so you can read her post (her username is Onlyme), and read how other parents have coped with the issue of homesickness. I hope this advice helps you and your daughter.

http://www.pomsinoz.com/forum/news-chat-dilemmas/156859-did-you-discuss-homesickness-your-kids-before-you-moved.html

Great post by wronged.

I think so many people's unsettled feelings, whether adult or child, come from feeling like you're stuck somewhere forever. We learnt on our first stint in Australia to never say never. If someone told me I was never allowed to live back in the UK and had to stay here forever I would probably fall into a deep depression. I just could not cope with that. So it must be incredibly hard for children, especially teenagers, to feel at the mercy of their parents decisions and feel that they don't have any say in the matter. I think you need to be really patient with her and let her know that you'll evaluate living in Australia at specified intervals, say 6 months, one year, two years etc. That works as a coping strategy for many adults and I think it would really help teenagers too. Also reiterate that whilst you're all here, you really have to make the most of what Australia has to offer. Because if you do end up going home, you want to make sure that you've seen the best of what's on offer and won't leave with any regrets. When I left the first time I was really annoyed that we hadn't travelled much or made the most of our leave. That probably had an influence on our decision to return.

I will also say though, there are no rules about coming to Australia with the intent of making a new life and staying forever. Many, including myself, knew before we came that we probably weren't going to stay forever. For me it made it much easier to leave the UK and get stuck into life here. I know I'm only here for a few years so am going to get as much as I possibly can from the experience.

I will also say though, there are no rules about coming to Australia with the intent of making a new life and staying forever. Many, including myself, knew before we came that we probably weren't going to stay forever. For me it made it much easier to leave the UK and get stuck into life here. I know I'm only here for a few years so am going to get as much as I possibly can from the experience.

Totally. It's something that's often forgotten on here I think.

Hi, we have been living in Queensland for 3 months. Although we really like it not sure if we will stay long term. My 13 year old daughter is really homesick, crying at night saying she wants to go home. I am hoping she will settle in time but wonder if anyone else can give advice. I know it's early days but it's breaking my heart seeing her so upset.

For us it has taken almost four years, our son was five when we moved here and he was 'anti-australia' from the start. One doesn't take too much notice of a five year olds opinions and he quickly made friends at school etc. He was a stereotypical ex-pat really loving life whilst extolling the 'auld country'. All along he has said he will move back to Scotland when he is old enough and I would not have been surprised if he had.

We visited recently and when it came time to leave it broke my heart, my now 9 year old sobbed and sobbed, I have never seen him in so much emotional pain, he just didn't want to leave. I really expected after 4 years he would be a true blue Aussie but that isn't the case.

This kick started discussions in whch my OH admitted he also wasn't happy and hadn't been from about 9 months after we arrived but thought he just had to put up and shut up as he had instigated the move. I'm not unhappy as such but definitely just coping rather than enjoying life, it hasn't been 'living the dream' for us by a long shot.

The decision is now made and we are returning to the UK next year. I am glad we stayed as long as we did and we've had some priceless experiences, nothing in life is wasted. I also am fairly light hearted about it, we will have dual citizenship and this is simply a move to take adbvantage of that, who knows we may move back one day - my OH thinks not but he was the one convinced he's never want to live in the UK again before we moved out!

As for my son, he is very ambivilant now and suddenly appreciates what he has here - I reckon he'll be back at some point in his life!!!

IMHO 3 months is too soon to know but as a parent I know how hard it must be to see your daughter in pain.

Jules x

I hated returning to the UK but my kids coped a lot better than I did. Feel terrible about giving up our Aussie life in England, just couldn't understand why we did it. What was I thinking. Both me and my wife talked about it and it seems neither of us wanted to leave but got sucked into a conversation that the other wanted to leave. Worst non-joint decision ever.

I want us back in Australia as soon as possible but may be difficult given the climate and job.

Here on my own right now and things are pretty bad. Here is the house we gave up in Oz which makes me cry when I see it. :-

http://www.realestate.com.au/property-house-vic-ferntree+gully-107247899.pdf

I think emigrating with young teenagers is THE worst time to do it. I did it with my just 16 year old and she hated me hated life, said I had ruined her life etc etc etc, she is now really happy has some fantastic friends and is now 18, and she has no plans to go back other than maybe for a visit. Its such a huge time in kids lives that you will never be able to do the right thing, so try and remember why you chose this path, Im sure she will settle eventually. Good luck :wubclub:

When did I know I wanted to go back to the UK.....roughly about 8 weeks after we arrived! We will have been here 3 years next month, gave it a cracking shot, we both have good jobs however its just not enough any more, important things are missing from ours an our childrens lives, I want them to remember their grandparents and other stuff that I won't bore you all with.

We don't hate Australia, in fact we are going home financially better off than when we came so are very thankful to this country for that. We know it's just not for us, it was an itch that needed scratching and I'm confident I can return home a better person who will appreciate th things in life we always take for granted.

What a great post julz, we are going home nxt September. XXXX

The answer to the original question for my wife would be the day she first stepped off the plane approximately 30 years ago and she didnt change that view until the day we left. We had periods of living in the UK and here is where she always wanted to be. I was raised in Australia but actually rather live here, our kids are not teenagers yet and absolutely love it here.

I totally agree with some of the comments, I feel a stranger on a daily basis, I really don`t believe it will change with time. I think in your heart you always know if a place it is right or wrong for you no matter the length of time there. Just didn`t work out for us. We think Australia is beautiful & sunny, but I long for crazy British weather at times, plus when watching TV we are seeing all the things that were happening in the UK starting to happen here with the added feeling we are foreigners with no voice. Sometimes I open my mouth & I feel people hear my British accent & judge me straight away, maybe me being paranoid I don`t know but the simplist way for me to describe my feelings being here are "a square peg in a round hole"

One good thing about living in Australia it made me realise....I love & miss you Britain, you are in my history, my blood, my heart & my soul & will never leave you again. what ever you throw at me.

Hi, we have been living in Queensland for 3 months. Although we really like it not sure if we will stay long term. My 13 year old daughter is really homesick, crying at night saying she wants to go home. I am hoping she will settle in time but wonder if anyone else can give advice. I know it's early days but it's breaking my heart seeing her so upset.

I think its part of the process and you need to be cruel to be kind. My 16 year old son felt the same including myself. I threw the towel in after 8 months with backing from my son. Having been in UK for 2 years now I question that decision every morning and would go back right now. Initially my son was pro UK and anti Aussie when we returned but he is now 19 and unemployed and he has also realised and admitted we should have stayed. I needed to find the correct work life balance and it was mainly my job why I never settled. My son never really liked his school mainly because he had to go back when he had left in the UK because of the age difference. His friends were younger than him so I think that was part of his problem. You really need to network as best you can and build up as many friends as you can. Maybe it could be something as simple as your daughters school. Try and expose her to as many friends as you can. Unfortunately part of the problem is the internet and facebook etc as to why people dont settle as there is a constant reminder of your life in the UK. Way back people who did this could only communicate via letter and a phone call if they were lucky. A visit back was usually out of the question so you had to get on with it.

Just be strong and persevere and she wil thank you when she is old enough to realise.

I dont get this 'why will she thank you when she is old enough to realise' ? What is she going to realise ? You could equally say she will be the same as many others who dont want to go back to or indeed live in Australia. It is this bizarre belief that everyone sees the light and realises what they are missing out on. Our kids are 11 and the only thing they are missing is their best friend.

I dont get this 'why will she thank you when she is old enough to realise' ? What is she going to realise ? You could equally say she will be the same as many others who dont want to go back to or indeed live in Australia. It is this bizarre belief that everyone sees the light and realises what they are missing out on. Our kids are 11 and the only thing they are missing is their best friend.

Thats my point they are kids and you can not expect them to make adult decisions. I agree nobody has a crystal ball and she may stiil feel the same in years to come but her parents have made that decision for her and they are currently in control of that decision. The forum is about expressing personal opinion and that is what I did.

Hi, Ive been south of Perth since January this year with my family and I have wanted to go home from the moment we rented our first house. Its not got any easier being here, I still feel as isolated and alone as I did in the beginning. I sympathise with your daughter, one of mine has struggled here too, she did manage to make friends, but never felt they replaced the ones back home. I regret every day ever coming here and to be honest have no idea when or even how we will get back, but I know in my heart if we end up staying, it will destroy me.

Hope everything works out better for you. I wish you well x

I agree with everyone who says that moving with teenagers is hard. Mine were just turning 15 when we moved to Perth. Had trouble with the one from day 1. We ended up with her going to see the school counsellor once a week, did everything we could to help her settle. She did make friends, but the pull of home was still very strong for her.

When my OH got laid off from work, and an opportunity to move back to Canada came up, we went for it (my OH would have stayed in Australia), two years on back home and my one daughter still thinks about Australia and how her life was good back there, the other one (who never settled from day 1), would never move back to Australia. We have often joked, that if we won the lotto, would we go back to Australia, and my OH and I say of course, and so does my one daughter, the other one, no way on earth would she go back.

My girls are turning 19 in another month, and we still have a year on our visa left, however, I don't think we will ever return to Australia. Was a great experience, and I am so thankful I got the opportunity to go, however, being a solid family unit is much more important to me than all the sunshine in the world. At the end of the day, I realize that I live in a great country as well.

Cheers

Karen