Gold Coast 5 week update!

[Gerrards]

We landed in Brisbane/Gold Coast 5 weeks ago and i thought i would give you an update and my opinion!

 

I am 'the only child dilemma parts I & II for those of you that read my previous thread.

So, we are here, the situation in the uk went from bad to worse. My parents told me, how dare i leave now, basically dictated to me that I needed to stay. There exact words were, you should use the equity in your house to rent in the UK, you should pack in work and come and help me everyday with your Mum and he (my husband) can go and get a job! We dont want you to feel guilty but the stress of Australia has bought on Mums cancer, mum said its a good job she got cancer as she would of never ever contacted us!

By the time my mum was diagnosed fully our furniture was 2 weeks into a 7 week journey to oz, we were not at talking about it stage. I know for sure that if there attitude was different and they were not consumed with anger and bitterness, I would of moved heaven and earth to stay and support. Instead, i booked a flight back to the uk within 8 weeks of arriving here.

I begged them to see the children, but no, they didnt want to, it would upset them too much. The kids know nothing and have been devestated by their grandparents cutting them off last September.

On our final weekend in the UK, my Dad attacked my husband with a walking stick, he then said he was phoning the police to report him for punching my mum and you will not be able to go to Australia......We just fled and here we are! There has been a few text exchanges but im considering postponing my flight back as Dad has now decided to target my MIL with his anger and lies and said they will not see me even if i do come back, it's hard enough to settle without a trip back to the UK so soon!

 

Now i haven't had the most settled of starts but I believe that is due to my situation in the UK and most people will not go through this (well i hope not!).

Now where to start......Do not under estimate the goodbyes, they were horrific, for me but even my husband was a quivering wreck, I understand everyone is different but for us, the numerous leaving parties and saying bye to the most wonderful supportive friends was very, very hard. I cried when the plane took off but also felt a sense of relief, i was in a daze and in some respects, still am! I wake up most mornings feeling like I have a brick on my chest but im sure in time that will ease.

 

The journey was great, i do not find the flights that bad and the kids were great but they are 12 & 8. We flew with Singapore Airlines and had a good experience. Our luggage was over the extra allowance but they let it go with no charge.

We were lucky as we had friends to stay with when we first got here and my husband had a job to come to which dictated our areas to live in.

We did so much reasearch before coming out but that all just becomes so unreal when you are actually here. The kids are not in the original school we reasearched, we are not living in the area that we originally wanted and we are not driving the car we thought we would get! Events just take place and you go with the flow. But we are happy where we have ended up.

Schooling was the most important part for us, we originally wanted a state school but trying to find a rental in the catchment area was like looking for hens teeth! We ended up getting a cheaper rental and putting the kids in private school, which 3 weeks in, we know we have made the right decision as they are loving it and have already had friends round to play. Be warned school drop off and pick ups are a drivers nightmare! Everyone fighting to get parked, this really stressed me out at first, i now leave extra early to collect them!

 

The rental market is cut throat, you have a 15 minute window to view a property and everyone turns up at the same time, which im not used to as we always owned our property in the UK. You then need to fill in your application and send in all the relevant paperwork, which is apparently given to the owner and they make a decision on who gets the house. We ended up offering 6 months rent upfront which secured us the 2nd property we looked at.

Re-setting up home again is hard work, there is so much you need to buy and everyday at first seems like you are hemorrhaging money! That said, I do not find it that expensive here, a few things but its swings and roundabouts. We did get 1.96 exchange rate though and at first you cant help but convert!

 

Petrol is cheap but everything to us seems so far apart you end up doing double the milage....Getting used to driving everywhere is strange at first. We have had some lovely days out and the parking is free, you can do things cheaply here and the weather is good, if not a little too hot when we first arrived but i was surprised to find how easy it was to stay cool.

 

The husband has started work and being a tradie its an early start, that gets some getting used to, bedtime is early for us now!

 

We have a dog coming over in 6 weeks, i messed up with he rabies jab hence the delay but in hind-site its given us some breathing space to get things sorted and she is being looked after very well by the MIL, she is company for her with us all leaving to.

 

I have my best friend coming out in 4 weeks and the MIL for a month in July. Everyone i have met has been friendly but you have no history here with friends (well we have 2 already here) but apart from that you are starting from scratch and feel like you are going on lots of first dates! That said we have mingled and its been nice.

 

Im personally finding it a little lonely as the kids are at school and the hubby is at work and im not great with my own company. I worked for the NHS in the UK and will start looking for employment soon, i think that helps when you have a job, saying that, im sure when i have one i will want to be a stay at home mum again!

 

I feel the Gold Coast gets bad press but even the areas that we have visited where we have been told are rough do not seem that bad to me. There is plently to do and see and every weekend we have been out since being here.

 

We are only 5 weeks in so its all very new to us, the emotion is the hardest part i have found along with the sand flies and mozzies! My daughter looks like she has chicken pox and my husband got ross river fever already....Oh yes, along with a speeding ticket! Our container arrived today so it feels like Christmas in the sun....Something i need to get used to.

 

This site has been great to me so if anyone of you need any advise (i'm just a novice) but I will help if i can, feel free to PM me.

 

Cheers......Just off for the school pick up, wish me luck!

[Keith and Linda]

:hug: , well wishes, pleased for you and good luck to you all.

[Atlas]

Sorry to hear about your turbulent departure from the UK but it sounds like you and your family have settled in well despite this

[Paul1Perth]

Glad you are settling in, it gets easier and more enjoyable. Sorry about your folks reaction, you never know how people are going to react but they were well over the top. Good luck.

[rivergum]

Wow, you did have a rough start! We felt bad enough leaving my Parents and they were supportive ( I.e hid their agony from us, or tried to ). To be honest, My guilt at leaving everyone has only just gone ( well,it's slightly still there) and its 5 years ago that we moved over. We went to Geelong near Melbourne first and my Parents visited but weren't to keen on the place. We moved to the Gold coast 2 years ago and my Parents spent 2 months with us here recently. They absolutely loved it here and are planning on coming over twice a year. Hence my guilt lifting All the best and remember it can take up to 2 years to settle completely.

[Ozmaniac]

I've been following your journey from your first post and I 'tips me lid' to you for staying strong and handling everything so well. It's great to hear that things seem to be working out well for you and I look forward to another update in a few months. IMNSHO, you've done well to get out of the family situation in the UK - your kids will do better without influences like that. Heading into winter now (though it's still a couple of months away) but just wait until you've experienced a Queensland winter. You'll wonder why you didn't come years ago!

[tina0101]

So glad you have posted and that you are here.

 

I am a walking advert for aeroguard - if I use it, I am ok and don't get bitten, otherwise I am a mosquito's buffet!!! Hubby and I both have speeding points too - they hide in bushes and things!! Lol.

 

Keep enjoying it and try to not dwell on your family at home too much. They made the choice to behave the way they did and it's your life and not theirs. It sounds like the kids have settled and you need to just get yourself out and about. Maybe join Facebook and see if there are any groups in the Gold Coast - there are a few for the Brisbane area and we have met and made some lovely friends through it.

 

X

[milliem]

Thanks for the update and it sounds like you have been making the best of a very tough start here. Our start here was also pretty tough for different reasons but things are more settled now. Keep doing what you're doing and things will work out. Wishing you all the best

 

Millie

[HelensvaleHoward]

Not the best start for you with the family in UK being like that

 

Great update post though

 

Welcome to Blackpool (I mean the Gold Coast)

[Gbye grey sky]

I have followed all your posts and have been silently cheering you on to cross that line and see the move through so pleased you have made it. Now you need to stick to your guns. Frankly I feel you must cancel that flight as your parents sound as though they have become almost insanely irrational and it is difficult to see where they might stop if you returned. I cannot see a return so soon ending well.

 

I mentioned to you that I fell out with my parents a few years back though not for the same reasons. We had hardly spoken in years until last month when my brother got married. I had been dreading the occasion a little and was concerned there may be a scene. On the contrary we did a lot of positive talking. Perhaps the realisation of us going produced a change of heart, or it was the occasion, or the passage of time. Anyway, just wanted to make the point that sometimes you need to allow plenty of time for the heat to go out of an issue. Returning so soon might just be like stoking the fire up.

[Roberta2]

I have followed all your posts and have been silently cheering you on to cross that line and see the move through so pleased you have made it. Now you need to stick to your guns. Frankly I feel you must cancel that flight as your parents sound as though they have become almost insanely irrational and it is difficult to see where they might stop if you returned. I cannot see a return so soon ending well.

 

I mentioned to you that I fell out with my parents a few years back though not for the same reasons. We had hardly spoken in years until last month when my brother got married. I had been dreading the occasion a little and was concerned there may be a scene. On the contrary we did a lot of positive talking. Perhaps the realisation of us going produced a change of heart, or it was the occasion, or the passage of time. Anyway, just wanted to make the point that sometimes you need to allow plenty of time for the heat to go out of an issue. Returning so soon might just be like stoking the fire up.

 

 

 

It's not fun being the only child of ageing parents. My mother, who was 23 and perfectly healthy when I was born, and had her own mother around to help, chose not to have more children, essentially because she has always been neurotic. I had to retire early, and return from an overseas job that was one of the world's last great sinecures, because she said she couldn't cope. So I have spent the last seven years essentially running after them on my own, with my children and grandchildren overseas. So much for my so-called "Golden Years"! Dad died recently. Mum is in a nursing home, but would vastly prefer it if I visited every day and took her out! I think she will still be trying to control me with her dying breath. She has been on anti-depressants for at least forty years - I doubt they have much efficacy any more but she can't be weaned off them.

 

Your parents sound even more demanding. Nothing you can do will please them because what they resent most is the loss of control. Especially your father, who is probably used to be looked after by others and ruling the roost. All too common with older men - although in my case, Dad was not the problem. He did have dementia, but he remained pretty rational to the end and undemanding. He always said Mum was a difficult woman!

 

Just explain to the kids that their grandparents are not well. If you can't find a job easily, there are plenty of volunteer things you can do that will get you out of the house, help you find new friends and may well eventually lead to a paid job.

 

At least your parents have access to decent welfare in the UK. Your main concern now must be hubby and kids. The kids are on the verge of puberty and will need plenty of attention in those difficult years! Don't go home too soon.

 

You just have to develop ways of looking after no 1 and being less vulnerable to the guilt trip. I have developed a few, and have resisted taking to anti-depressants or the gin bottle, or kicking the pooches! A bit of pampering helps - am off to get a foot massage today rather than taking my mother out, which she wanted. (It's Wednesday - I took her to an appointment yesterday and then to a coffee shop, and there is another appointment tomorrow, so she is acting beyond what I think are reasonable bounds and I told her so, despite her hang dog look! )

 

Ross River- it is far more prevalent than most people think. Bad for the tourist industry so doesn't get much publicity. The mozzies have been especially bad this year, with all the rain. Bad idea to be outside at dawn or dusk without repellent.