We all fly off on 4th March, and 4 weeks ago my parents threw my eldest 2 children out of their house - because they wanted they normal lives back! We are speaking about 2 wealthy people who I thought would have wanted to spend time with them!
We (that’s me and my oh, and youngest 3yr old) where staying with friends until we go and 2 teenagers at their so called grandparents - they have tried manipulating them about Australia all the time while staying their.
Then when we went one Saturday to go out for lunch my dad sat there with mam and he asked where our visa's where - they could not understand why we did not have a date for our visa's arriving - then he said he wanted them out asap - not because they had done anything wrong just because it was disrupting their day to day lives! He really just tried putting us in a corner - god knows what he thought he would achieve by this.
Anyhow I haven’t seen or spoken to them since, and I text mam saying everything was complete, we had booked flights and if they wanted to see us before we went - no reply and not sure if she has told dad about it. Now im wondering if to go up - I just don’t think I can cope with any regrets when in aus, but on the other hand they steeped to the lowest thing ever and I don’t want them to think it was ok to say they wanted the kids out .
Half of me want just to go to aus and forget about them, as they have done some horrid other things in the past, and then I think I should go and see them. But these are the type of people who want everyone to run after them.
I’m sooo mixed up with my feelings about them. But they have always been very selfish people and have been saying in the past they did not want us to go because my half sister would not look after them like we would when they need it in later life!
Hun big hugs to you. All I can suggest is do what ypu feel is right. Why don't you try make the effort one last time to see them then if they shun you (or wotever) you will be able to come to Oz with no regrets as it will all be on their head so to speak. On the other hand they could be hurting but thats still no exuse what so ever to treat your kids the way they did. Listen to your heart hun.
Here's a big hug for you Ellie. This sounds like a nightmare situation to be in. I think if I were in your shoes (and I really can't imagine how that must feel right now) I would be the grown up and head off to see my folks before leaving. I would hate to be sat on a plane on my way to the other side of the world wishing that I had seen my parents before I left. If you go and see them at least you can say there was no unfinished business on your part. I'm not saying you should forgive and forget, that is entirely your call but I do think you may regret it if you don't see them before you go.
I hope the next few weeks aren't too hard for you hun, there is enough emotional turmoil when it comes to leaving as it is without something like this hanging over you.
Good luck with what ever you decide to do, remember all your friends on poms are here to support you,
Felicity
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Parent Dilemma
Hi Ellie
Big Hug for you (sorry don't know how to do the picture )
Unfortunately I've give up trying to understand Parents, and they have the cheek to say us 'kids' are difficult!
On a serious note, I don't think you should go with out doing something, if there is a risk of a big argument when the emotion run high! What about putting how you are feeling in a letter and let them know what you want to do but tell them the ball is in their court, and to get in touch if they want to.
It may seem harsh but you have done nothing wrong apart from wanting a better life for yourself and YOUR family.
Hope things work out for you and keep looking forward to all that lovely weather because don't know about you, but its bl**dy freezing here.
Don't know if that is of any use.
Take care
Lisa x
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Hi Ellie,i can't imagine how you feel right now,but my heart goes out to you and like the others said,you do what you feel is right.thats always my way-give somebody one last chance and then it's up to them.it will be their loss and it is awful when your parents treat you like that-at least you know you're doing right by your family.good luck
Wendy x
A lot of parents seem to beocome very hostile when their children say they are planning to move to Oz. Some are actively hostile in a vaiety of ways.
Others are not hostile and would not try to stop their children from going - or do anything to hurt the children and grandschildren before or after they leave. However, they are hurt to the core and fearful about their own futures - which seem very bleak to them and when you are not the one who is headed for an adventure, I think it is very difficult to cope with being left behind.
That is no excuse for active hostility but some people know no other way to respond. They feel like rats trapped in a corner and they respond by leaping at somebody's throat even though nobody is trying to attack them, and they can be so irrational about who to attack that they will try to get at their grandchildren. Which is inexcusable but it happens. Fortunately children are pretty resilient on the whole. As long as they know that their own parents love them, they generally weather the storm.
Do you think there would be any chance of persuading your Parents that family continuity need not be broken? DIAC are only too happy to let British Parents visit their children in Oz if this is what the family want. They are well & truly keen on attracting the Tourist Shekel to Oz and British Parent carry that Shekel. (If it would help to lighten the mood, you could always mention the "Where the bloody hell are you?" adverts from a year or two back!)
I always think that one thing migrating children DO provide for their Parents is the chance of a good, long visit to a country that is absolutely worth seeing. (plus it is one over on the Joneses!)
If you and your half-sister are the only children that your Parents, between them, have then your Parents would become eligible for Contributory Parent visas in due course, but my inclination would be to suggest taking this one step at a time. I'd suggest a visit only at this stage to avoid a potential furore. In any case, if they go to Oz, love it and want to move there themselves, you hold the key. Unless they want one of the most expensive visas on the planet instead, Parent-migration would not be possible without your active participation. One does not reward shabby behaviour so I would insist on them bucking up their ideas if migration turned out to be what they would like for themselves in the long run. I'd start by offering a six month visit ad keeping quiet about anything more at this stage.
It sounds to me like they feel hurt and rejected and that they are trying ***-for-tat tactics by being seen to hurt & reject you and your children right back. Which is counter-productive - a total own goal because the punishment that they are trying to inflict on you for your "crime" will probably hurt them more than it will hurt you in the long run.
I think my own instinct would be to try bribery. There is no reason why you should have to do this but heck, if it works it would save all this heartache and that has to be worth it from your point of view, I would suspect.
Location: Eastleigh, Hampshire, soon to be Melbourne
Posts: 1,300
Oh dear, families can be such a pain in the bum
You are the only one who knows how they would react if you went to see them, from your post it sounds like you need to do something or you will have regrets.
The suggestion to write is a good one, you can get your thoughts down on paper and make sure that you are clear why you are hurt and upset with them and why you are making the move and you will be able to leave the door open for them to contact you and come to visit if they wish.
My sis and her family did not see his family before they left, there had been an argument a year before and they were not speaking, they made sure that the inlaws knew they were going but there was no last minit reconciliation. Three years later the in laws are going for a visit at thier own suggestion, so there is hope...........................
Stay strong and do what is right for you and your family
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Thanx for everyone's support, we all know how emotional it feels when making such a big move - and I dont have 1 doubt at all, that we wont love it.
I just wanted them to be part of something happy in our lives and be happy for us - but as usual they are being so selfish.
I can understand the way they must be feeling but on the other hand I think I would try and hide my emotions. The way they have been as parents has been what I might say a unsupportive but at the end of the day it makes me a better mother to my children.
Anyhow I decided to call them just half an hour ago, and I have said again if they want to come and see us before we go then thats up to them.
So Im leaving it up to them due to the fact they have hurt me many times in the past and I have always done the making up. I have lived without them in my life before and up til 3 years ago did not even see much of them, then when they started coming round all the time we had already decided to move to australia.
Well done you as you say you have now left the ball in their court. This now leaves you will no regrets if they dont contact you. My brother never spoke to me when he heard I was going to Oz never came to our leaving party & didnt contact me at all which didn't bother me at all. But you would think he would have said bye to his nephews however we have been here 6 months & I still aint heard from him. So my conscience is clear. Good luck hun and remember we are all here for you.
