I know its a saturday night but here comes a moan.
Families
Has anyone elses family gone completely mad and started to do your heads in?
We leave in exactly 1 calendar month, you'd think they'd be grabbing the chance to spend as much time with grandchildren/niece/nephews as poss. We live closer to Tina's family than mine and perhaps i'm the one with the problem as i can't believe the way my other half family is acting.
I can appreciate they do not want to loose a daughter or grandchildren/nieces/nephews and all that. I'm going to find it hard for the next month to put on a false smile without telling them exactly what i'd love to say. Like i say didn't know what to expect the last month to be like before i leave but i certainly didn't expect it to be like this.
Slightly easier for me to leave as my family are spread all over the place.
Sorry for the winge but does anybody else know where i'm coming from?
eddie
Location: Moonee Valley, Melbourne - Formerly Eastleigh, Hampshire
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Oh yes.................................... it has started with us too
we have been visiting hubbies family over the last couple of days, it felt like a wake
the evil step mother made some really random hurtful comments including spitting out 'how do you think your father feels, he will never see you again' which at this point may not be true AND hubbie has had a long talk with his Dad about it all, he wishes us well and keeps saying go for it, no negative comments from him at all grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr
his Sis kept take photos and videoing us just having a conversation, for goodness sake.................
we do not have a date for going yet it could be a quick gettaway or we may do a validation visit at the end of Jan, leave DD there to start Uni and then go properly when the house is sold, there are a few options that we have not talked through yet, waiting for the New Year when heads will be clearer and we can actually talk to people if we need to
I still think we should just go and send them all a postcard from Oz!
at least there is an end in sight
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We did have exactly the same before we left, I thought my mam would try and get as much time as possible with us and the girls and infact it went the complete opposite way and she made excuses why she couldnt have them.
I wanted to take my eldest 3 to see the tweenies before we left as she loves them and booked some tickets to take her, I asked my mam if she would like to come with us I thought it would be a lovely expereince for he to see my daughters face when they came on stage. She decined and made an excuse I was really upset, I asked OH mam and she jumped at the chance and the 3 of us had a wonderful day, drove to York had some lunch etc and she said it was the best day ever (my MIL). I will always wonder if my mam regrets having not come.
I think the top and bottom of it is some poeple see a glass as half empty and some half full, my MIL had the girls as much as she could (shes 71) up until we left, my mam (54) made excuses. You cant change them unfortunately, just got to stay focused.
From the day we told our families it was like we has sentenced them to a living death (certainly my mother). I believe she went into a state of deep depression over it (my sister already lives in OZ), but it was truly awful. Nothing my wonderful hubbie could say or do was good enough, and she's snipe about him to me.
This year she cancelled Christmas, so we got no card, no present, nothing - just at a time when the worst tragedy that could happen did happen (our beloved Syd died). And yet when she Skypes me she is puting on this wonderful, happy voice.
Jason's family were no better - they are a close knit northern family and J has been made to feel like a bit of an outsider. For his 40th birthday/leaving do he asked for an address book with every ones details so he could keep in touch........ that was August and it still has not arrived (coming to think of it neither has a card from that brother - who get this - has just returned from 6 years in NZ so must know how important keeping in touch is.
You just have to accept that the people left behind are going to be bitter, hurt, angry, jealous, whatever, and try and get through it. I must admit a Christmas card from my mum would have been nice tho.
I know exactly where you are coming from.Some family who we were close with did not want to near us.Others who had not bothered tried to make up for lost time.
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I'm jsut going to play devil's advocate for a moment. I'm certainly not making excuses for anyone's family but here's one reason they may be acting this way:
Yes, you would think that people would jump at the chance to spend as much time with family emigrating as possible but there is always the fact that it might be a little painful for those being left behind. They may not want to get upset in front of the children, they may not want to get to used to spending lots of time with people moving away because they know they are going to have to get used to the distance.
We were lucky, we got to spend lots of time with our families (mine in particular) and although it did make saying goodbye even more painful, it was good for all of us. But this doesn't work for everyone. If someone had said they didn't want to see us, I would naturally have been upset but in time I would have understood.
Don't be too hard on the families being left behind. It is hard for them as well and it doesn't matter how often you say there's email, skype, msn etc it's only once you are on the other side of the world that they will appreciate just how important those last few days / weeks are.
Hope this makes sense, I know it won't make you feel any better Eddie but just think, a months time and you'll be here, living the life you dreamed of and making a better future for your family.
Felicity
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Felicity + Michael - We're 'Pozzies' - Happy and Lovin' it!
Melbourne since September 07
Ours are totally different to that they are too obsessive and fighting over us. My mum kept saying things like this is your last Christmas, anyone would think we had a terminal illness or was never going to celebrate Christmas again!
Haven't been posting on here much lately but just had to comment on this one because it was such a relief (not sure if that's the right word but its meant in the right way) to see we were/are not the only ones being treated this way.
I too have wicked stepmother syndrome KazzE - She made exactly the same comment too! which is a bl**dy nerve as we hardly ever see my Dad because of her and her %^&* kids!!! - makes me soooo mad - can you tell???? Last time I got to speak with him ALONE he was OK with it, if not a little sad but she doesn't allow him to speak now. She even said that they would not be able to afford to visit as the flight insurance would be too high - they (he) is loaded but off course it would eat into her and her scrounging offsprings inheritance - I'm getting wound up typing this!!!!
We have had our visas since April but house sale is proving an almost impossible nightmare. My dad (on one of the rare occasions he gets to speak for himself) could only say - 'well you have a good job here so what's the problem?' Derrrrr!!!
Our closest friend won't even discuss it - has a real blind spot about it (everybody contracts skin cancer, eaten by sharks and technology hasn't arrived there yet etc etc!!).
On the plus side, my OH's mum and dad have been brill. Dad in law is fully supportive and trying to do whatever he can to get us there. Mum in law wouldn't talk about it at all to start with but has now accepted it and fully understands reasons for going and we've also gained a few extra 'friends' who suddenly see the opportunity for a cheap holiday LOL Seriously they are all welcome.
Good fun this process isn't it?!!!
All I can say is that it'll be their loss not yours.
Make your last weeks in the UK ones to remember, we did a family wish list of things we wanted to do/see (one thing each), and spent the last few weeks having a ball. We took the kids to Edinburgh (one of our favourite places but the kids had never been) and had a brilliant long weekend there.
Make some memories that will last and you'll look back on fondly, the goodbyes will be difficult no matter how excited you are about your new life (I don't think I've ever cried as much as I did in those last two weeks saying goodbye to people).
Ali
__________________ I am toopositive to be doubtful, too optimistic to be fearful and too determined to be defeated!
Emotions are running high with all of you at the moment and even though you think you're doing the right thing by putting on the brave face and smiling, it's not the right thing to do. Your family feel a bit neglected and they're the ones being left behind. They may also be envious of you but don't want to show it.
The best thing you can do is admit your feelings eg tell them you're bloody scared etc etc and they'll see you're only human and will relax more and you'll all be able to talk about it easier.
(Also, don't diss the UK. You have your own reasons for leaving but if you keep pointing out why, they may take it personally and there'll be bad vibes).
Good luck
