OH getting cold feet

maxxangel · 03-10-2007, 08:59 PM

Just wanted to get this off my chest.

My OH has been getting negative about Oz ever since his parents pulled a guilt trip on him. Wonders why we are going and if they are the right reasons. I tried to tell him that if we don't go because of them we will resent them for it, and besides, upsetting him is something they've always been good at and it's not just because we plan to leave them.

Anyway, he has been in a new job since January which he wasn't keen on, but stayed as we are planning to move. Then he got a promotion and has started saying he felt that he shouldn't just leave now, it didn't seem right. I mentioned that if the money was particularly good then we could always validate the visa with a holiday and now he's latched onto that and is saying that we could leave the move for a couple of years yet. If truth be told, the money isn't really going to be good enough for a holiday and besides, I would rather have that money to help us start a new life. But he is now misleading his parents, telling them eagerly about the promotion and telling the children that we will have a holiday first and not go for a few years yet (probably hoping they'll pass it on to the grandparents). Not that he will even be happy for long in the promotion as it has none of the hands on work that he so loves.

I've been saying that it will be about a year for over a year now so as you can imagine further delays aren't really what I'm looking forward to. When I say I want to just get on with the move he says he doesn't want to rush things (something we definately haven't done) and wants to make sure he gets a job first and training for the certification he needs as en electrician, something I had of course planned to do anyway.

Now I'm at the point where I just want to

Brissydeb · 03-10-2007, 09:13 PM

I Know how you feel Maxxangel as my OH's mum told (via his brother) him that if he goes to OZ then she will never speak to him again. OH is currently up for going but I keep expecting him to change his mind as he has done in the past. His mum wont go on a plane so she thinks she wont see him again. All I can say is hang on in there and proceed with the visa and hopefully your OH will change his mind again. After all it is a very big step and we all go hot and cold at some stage. It does seem to affect the guys more though.
Debs

ali · 04-10-2007, 01:38 AM

I think it's natural to have doubts during the process, it puts you under enormous stress and I can only imagine how much more there is when his mother is trying the emotional blackmail. Be up front and say that his responsiblities are to you and the children as a family and not to his mum. His mum can visit (my dad recently visited and flew on his own - he's 69 and I know Gills elderly mum clocked up the airmiles on her own). I'd try and make a plan that you know you can both stick too as it'll only make the children confused about if they're going or not.

Good luck
Ali

maxxangel · 04-10-2007, 08:58 PM

Thank you for the supporting replies, they are really appreciated. At least I know I'm not alone.

My OH's parents are also ones who won't fly and probably think they'll never see him again. They have so far managed two short flights, but get themselves worked up into such a state that they don't enjoy the holiday for the fear of flying back. They aren't the most travelled of people really...