I haven't posted anything for a while since we got our visa's its been a bit of a strange feeling as we plan such a massive move. As you know nothing in life is straightforward so I'm just looking for a bit of advice off you all.
I'm the one who's been instrumental in pushing us to go to Aus, my hubby is cool about it all and not bothered either way so he says. He's a builder, a really good do any job type of builder, master plasterer and bricklayer, and his work is his life, and his hobby is work. He's been S/E for 20years now and thanks to his hard work we are comfortably off and own our own small holding. I want a new start a new life with some sunshine and a different environment and outlook to the stale feeling I have here now in England. Tony my O/H is OK with the idea, but I just know I'm the one dragging him away from all that he loves here in England, his mates, his work mates some have been with him since school days. His family, his rugby, all the things he loves, even our friends at the local part of which Tony built in his spare time for them, not charging a penny for his labour.
I feel very guilty all of a sudden, and him bless him hasn't complained once he just gets on with his day. It's just that sometimes silence says more than any bust up or blast could ever say. I know in his heart he's only doing this for me, and it's starting to hurt me now to think I'm putting him through this. I'm sure all you guys who read this are thinking he's a whimp, (flank forwards never are) and so girls I would hope some of you out there can offer some advice on what I should do and how I should approach this.
Thanks all.
Emmy Green
I really don't think you should be giving yourself such a hard time.
If he was really unhappy about it surely he would have at least indicated somehow?? Maybe he is keeping an open mind and reserving judgement for when he gets there, just cross that bridge if and when you get to it.
I also feel guilty about leaving my parents as they are getting on in life but they are also being brilliant about it so I suppose we all have some form of guilt.
Hi Emmy,
I must admit i am the one in our relationship that has wanted to make the move and just like your OH mine has been great .
I think the turning point for him was when i said that even if we won the lottery i would still want to go,it's not about money it's about quality of life and enjoying it as a family.
But that is what's it's all about we do things for each other i have never asked my OH to do anything thing he didn't want but we both know deep down this is best for our family and if it goes wrong we can always come back, we will still have each other.
It's just shows how much you care about each other, be strong and enjoy making new memories and friends. Good luck
Jackie xx
I too have been the one who has remained positive (most of the time) about moving, whilst my OH at times has seemed a little less confident about it all.
Saying that, OH and I still look for reassurance from each other that we are doing the right thing every now and then and I think if I couldn't do that then I would find it quite stressful.
What do you think he would say if you asked for reassurance? Maybe you should show him your post so he knows how you are feeling?
Sometimes our wonderful OH's do just need a nudge in the right direction!
i know how you feel, the reason that we are going to oz is that my little brother lives out there and after speaking to him and how fantastic his life is,we have decided to take our 2 kids and give them a better quality of life, so I planted the seed and the rest they say is history, however i have had guitly feelings as he will be leaving his family and his daughter, my mum is in good health so she can come out on holiday BUT he is a grown up and if he didnt want to go he would say.....and i have asked and asked if he wants to start a new life and given very opportunity for him to say no,so i guess what i'm saying is that you need to speak to him just to make sure he is 100% ok with going
__________________ Helaine xx
Trev, Amy & Joe
police checks back 17th april
meds and xrays done and sent 18th april
we have a case officer 23rd april
kids meds finalised 1st May
our xrays finalised 8th May
Just waiting now
Here's a guys point of view, who has been instrumental in trying to get his family to oz.
It was my brainwave, from the start, and after loads of investigation, time and effort, talking to OH, i managed to convince her that we can have a better life in oz.
I also love my job, it certainly takes up most of my life and is also my hobby. I'm in my 30s. I think a change of attitude would do me good, not just for myself but for my family.
I do feel slightly guilty as i'm not that close to my family but as for my OH all her family live close by and have regular contact, so from her point of view i know it will be harder. What hasn't made it easier for her is that we know her parents have already said that they will not be flying to oz. The only chance of getting my family to oz is if i pay for their tickets.
To try and make it easier, from everybodies point of view, i have suggested that we give it 2 years and if all is not well we can always come back. That way it takes the pressure off my OH and her family which she sees quite often.
Sorry if i sound downbeaten, its not meant to cos i know once we get there, as a family unit, the changes are going to take some adjusting and without rose coloured glasses on we're going to wish, and my OH will tell me this, why didn't we do this years ago.
eddie
Hi Emmy
I understand your predicament but surely your husband would have told you by now if he was REALLY against the idea? Perhaps he is quite happy to go along with the idea but, like some men, doesn't go overboard with the enthusiasm and he probably loves you so much he thinks that it's something you really want to do so he's happy to go along for the ride with you!
There is always an element of guilt involved in such a huge change of life, mine being that I have elderly parents in England plus my youngest daughter still there (who can't make up her mind about moving here!). It is a better way of life here and it's great to make a fresh start but I think for a lot of people there is always 'somthing' that hangs over them.
If it's really worrying you, can't you sit down with your husband and talk to him about it all and see if he'll tell you exactly how he feels about it all - I know some men aren't the easiest at sharing their feelings, etc but if you tell him that it's worrying you that he might only be going along with the idea for you then perhaps he'll open up?
Good luck and keep us posted on how things go
Karen
I'm the one who's been instrumental in pushing us to go to Aus, my hubby is cool about it all and not bothered either way so he says. He's a builder, a really good do any job type of builder, master plasterer and bricklayer, and his work is his life, and his hobby is work. He's been S/E for 20years now and thanks to his hard work we are comfortably off and own our own small holding. I want a new start a new life with some sunshine and a different environment and outlook to the stale feeling I have here now in England. Tony my O/H is OK with the idea, but I just know I'm the one dragging him away from all that he loves here in England, his mates, his work mates some have been with him since school days. His family, his rugby, all the things he loves, even our friends at the local part of which Tony built in his spare time for them, not charging a penny for his labour.
I feel very guilty all of a sudden, and him bless him hasn't complained once he just gets on with his day. It's just that sometimes silence says more than any bust up or blast could ever say. I know in his heart he's only doing this for me, and it's starting to hurt me now to think I'm putting him through this. I'm sure all you guys who read this are thinking he's a whimp, (flank forwards never are) and so girls I would hope some of you out there can offer some advice on what I should do and how I should approach this.
Thanks all.
Emmy Green
I would just like to say thank you to everyone who have taken the time to read and reply to my post. I suppose it's really me worrying too much, just like it will be me who will take longest to settle even though I have been the one pushing to move. Hubby will just arrive, find our place to live and away to go with work, guaranteed. He's a great guy in a crisis, so I should really sort my head out.
