Do I tell them or not now my sister is ill

[mandisfam]

Hi folks, Having a major dilemma today. I was due to go down south at the end of month to tell my family our plans for oz. I wanted to tell them face to face and not over the phone.

Having spoken to one of my sisters last night, she tells me that my other sister is ill again. When I say ill the bottom line is she is an alcoholic. In the summer she spent time in detox then hospital as she ended up with severe jaundice. She lost a hell of a lot of weight and was basically like a frail old women when I last saw her back in August. Anyway, she came out of hospital and we all thought she was beginning to head in the right direction to get better. However, last night I found out that she has started drinking again and we think she started as soon as she came out of hospital. My brother in law has found hidden vodka bottles around the house (again) and she opening admits she is drinking 2 bottles of white wine a day. We have been told by her counsellor to prepare ourselves for the worse, especially my 15 year old niece. Basically, if she continues to drink at that level every day, she will be dead by christmas, as her liver just cannot take anymore.

We are all at a dead end as to what we can do to help her. Im so angry with my sister for putting my niece through all this and but at the some time Im so sad for her that she feels so angry and bitter with everyone that she has to do this to herself. My mum is yet to be told the seriousness of the situtation. She will know at the weekend.

However, at the risk of sounding selfish and thinking of my own worries, how the hell can I tell my family that I am planning on moving to oz when we have all this going on.

Im just not sure what to do. I mean if I tell them, my mum going to feel like she is losing 2 daughters in one go. But how long do I put it off for, I mean my alcholic sister, is so up and down, we have been going on like this for nearly a year now with her, and it could go on like this for, well I don't know, days, months, years, we don't know.

I just don't know what to do. Do I go ahead and tell them like plan or should I wait and see what happens with my sister, but if the worse happens to my sister, again it just wouldn't feel like the right time to tell them.

Sorry to waffle.
Mandisfam

[The Pom Queen]

Hi Mandisfam
I am so sorry to hear about your dilemma, it is hard enough telling family you are moving without having other worries as well. Personally I would carry on as planned, you can't live your life around you sister, she has chosen what path she wants to take and you have to start thinking about you and your family now and put yourselves first. It is really hard especially as you love your sister and are concerned about them to.
I can't advise you what is right or wrong as only you know how your family would take it.
Big Hugs
Kate

[JoanneHattersley]

I think you need to be upfront and honest. Say to your parents "I really didnt knwo how to tell you this but..." Tell them that you will always support them even if you are not directly there.

You DONT put it off. Why should you? It is a hard thing to put yourelf first but who else will? You and your family are your priority!

Good Luck, let us know how you go

[stue116]

Mandisfam, firstly i'm so sorry about your dilema, what a situation to be in, I have tried to think about it both ways, telling them soon, or giving it a while for your mum to come to terms with the news on your sister and to be honest I haven't a clue what I would do.
Just wanted to say i'm thinking of you and wish you all the best.
big hugs
Sam.

[Stuju]

Hi mandisfam,
I agree with kate, what an awful situation for you all to be in, perhaps you could just tell your mum for now & see how the land lies in a few days with your sister. But i can understand that your mum is under enough pressure without having the blow of your news too.
Guess all you could do is see how things are when you get to vist your family & take it a step at a time
Good luck
stuju

[Ms Lucifer]

I dont think anytime will be a good time when all of this with your sister is going on. So really I would tell them when the news of your sister has sunk in a bit maybe ? instead of them having a double whammy, it depends how well your mom copes with things, you will know when to I'm sure. But how will you feel leaving the family at a time like this ?? are you very close ?? I ask as this may have a serious impact on your settling when you are such a long way away and having a guilt trip.

[joetrac]

I think honesty is the best policy..you never know your parents might see your move as a positive thing and help you make plans...it might take there mind off your sisters illness... you never know untill you tell them.

At times like this I always ask myself "Would I want to be told if I was in the situation" more often than not its Yes.

[keily]

Hi mandisfarm ....real sorry to hear about your sister ...my ex [my sons dad] is going through the same thing at the mo [in rehab] and my son [25] is at his wits end ...it really is hard on everyone around .....imo ...i would leave it a few days /weeks until the dust settles down ...i dont know how your family would react ...but i know mine would say i was being selfish going away at this time [prob only my family would say summit like that ] ...you will know yourself how yours will react .. You are still at the beginning of the visa process ...so plenty time .... Whatever you decide ...i hope your sister is ok and comes through this dreadful disease
hugs ...mrs keily

[tony and sheena]

I think you should tell your family and tell them you're very excited and would like them to be happy for you. You might be worrying unnecessarily, maybe they'll see it as a bit of good news amongst all the bad news they will be dealing with this weekend.

I don't want to be the voice of doom, but if your sister's condition deteriorates, then you won't find a 'good time' to tell them.

You shouldn't feel guilty or be worried about sharing your own good news, you could be doing a lot of things worse than trying to improve you and your family's life.
Try to be strong, and firm if need be!

Best wishes for the weekend,
Sheena

[saunders clan]

Hi.

I am with Sheena on this one. Your sister's condition will make it very hard to ever find a right time. I feel sad for her as it is an illness but I'm afraid a selfish one. You on the other hand are doing nothing wrong in wanting to better your lives.

See how the situation is when you arrive down south. Don't think about it too much (as if you can't!) until you are there. And if you feel you have the strength to get it out then just do it there and then.

Good luck.
Kate