British First time Mum in Oz??

[samlee]

Hi There, I am a first time Mum to a gorgeous little boy called Oliver. He is 9 months already. I migrated out here with my Hubby 3 years ago. We had a great first year, living like tourists in Melbourne! We then got pregnant which was great, however we didnt realise how life changing it all is and how hard it is away from home and family. We had a tough pregnancy and I was on bed rest for the last 4 months which is when we realised we really need family! However with no family here in Oz we've had to make do with people coming for holidays. Even my sister hasnt met my baby yet which breaks my heart. We have decided we are moving home. Im just wondering if there is anyone else out there in the same situation, it would be great to hear from you......Thanks Sam

[jenki]

Hi Sam
I'm not quite in the same situation to you. We've come temporarily so we always knew we could go back.
We've left a lot of family behind, we said things like "we'll be back in two years" or "it's only a 24 hr flight away" and "we'll webcam lots" - the usual stuff.
It wasn't till we got here that we realised how often we had contact with family and friends at home.
I toilet trained my kids (twins) once we'd found our home and our stuff arrived. Suddenly I was stuck in the house (near the loo) with no friends or family to talk to or who'd pop over. Then you realise how far away they are.
At first it was difficult too as the girls asked when Grandma/Grandpa/Auntie/Uncle was going to come and play or take them to the park etc, those questions nearly made me cry.
We were so lucky that we had so many reliable free baby sitters, so many that we had to make sure we rotated them fairly and didn't offend anyone. Now here we are and we've got no baby sitters. We've had offers from teenage neighbours but I haven't taken them up on their offer, I think I'd be calling every five minutes wondering if everything is ok. Whereas at home the baby sitters were all experienced with childcare (should the need arise).
As for the webcam, we try on weekends but after a minute of sitting still by the camera the girls are done and want to go and play.
They've grown so much in the six months that we've been here and I feel sad that the family aren't here to see it all and enjoy it with us.
In a couple of weeks it's my girls' 3rd birthday and I'm sad that their family won't be here with them.
Thank goodness they won't remember this in years to come and I know that the family will be only too happy to make up for lost time.
In the meantime I show the girls pictures, try to webcam and have phone calls and talk frequently about the family so that they don't forget.
Good luck with your move home. Let us know how it all goes.

[Bertie]

Hi we came over while I was pregnant, as we had already booked to come and this was baby no 3 and a surprise. Our family wasn't too impressed about us still coming, but we felt that it was now or never. It is hard though every week our parents see him on web cam, and hes grown so much already you can see they are upset not to have met him yet

[Quoll]

Sympathies! It really is very hard when you are raising a baby without a support network. I hope your move home is all that you want it to be!

[mandisfam]

Hi There, I am a first time Mum to a gorgeous little boy called Oliver. He is 9 months already. I migrated out here with my Hubby 3 years ago. We had a great first year, living like tourists in Melbourne! We then got pregnant which was great, however we didnt realise how life changing it all is and how hard it is away from home and family. We had a tough pregnancy and I was on bed rest for the last 4 months which is when we realised we really need family! However with no family here in Oz we've had to make do with people coming for holidays. Even my sister hasnt met my baby yet which breaks my heart. We have decided we are moving home. Im just wondering if there is anyone else out there in the same situation, it would be great to hear from you......Thanks Sam

Hi Sam, Firstly congratulations on becoming a mum, isn't just wonderful. I do have some understanding in how you feel. When my first child was born, I lived about a 3 hour drive away from all my family in the UK. Whilst I was so happy to have my baby, I was sad that I had nobody to show her off too. We hardly knew anyone where we lived and whilst family did visit the first couple of weeks she was born, after the initial excitement that was it, it was just me and my baby, who did nothing but cried. When she was 4 months old, we decided we would move to be near family. However, due to my husband's work, this never happened and instead we ended up moving even further away and we now live about a 4/5 hour car journey away from them. My little girl is now 5 and I now have a little boy who is nearly 4. I had 2 very close together, we no family to help at all. Now they are a little older, Im so glad we have ended up where are and I can now see it was all for the best.

My point is, its very difficult when you have a baby, especially the first time, you just want to share everything that happens with somebody and thats only naturally and completely understandable. However, if you had not had your boy would you be thinking of the UK or would you be enjoying life in Oz????

Would not go on holiday back to the UK to see if it is what you really want first before completely moving back to the UK.

Good Luck with whatever you decided and most of all enjoy every moment with your baby.

Mandisfam

[suzy+1]

Its a tough situation to be in, i am always getting pangs of guilt for taking away the only grandchild. We have been in Aus 9 months now and already my 3 yr old has changed loads, my sister was on the webcam with tears in her eyes saying how big she is and worrying that she will get forgotten by my daughter. I just have to try and focus on the fact that for now our quality of life is better in Aus than back in the UK-even if the whole family is there.

[Lazy Cow]

My point is, its very difficult when you have a baby, especially the first time, you just want to share everything that happens with somebody and thats only naturally and completely understandable. However, if you had not had your boy would you be thinking of the UK or would you be enjoying life in Oz????
Mandisfam

Congratulations to all three of you!

I don't know about you, but I remember finding having a bub was so so different to my expectations! I honestly thought babies only cry to communicate and so it would be a simple job to make them stop. I also thought it would be a lot easier than it was, and that being a (relatively) intelligent woman I would be able to take everything in my stride with no worries or support.

Ha! I so needed support! I craved for someone to understand what I was going through (OH didn't count cos he was biased!), to share my concerns, happiness and tell me it was ok when unlimited crying (hers, not mine!) made me want to scream. I would have loved to have my parents to hand, but unfortunately that wasn't to be the case . I used to meet up with some mums from my antenatal group - a couple of whom are still treasured friends 13+ years later! It was good to share. It probably won't stop you wanting to go back to family, but it might allow you to take stock of Mandisfam's wise words and perhaps stay a while longer? I also happen to believe that there is nothing like having a baby/toddler around to help you assimilate totally into your surroundings. Other people will undoubtedly be in the same situation as you - as in being new parents who need a support network - and you might end up with friends who will grow with you and Oliver and make you feel as at home here as you would back in the UK.

I found these really quickly on the net; I don't know if they'll help at all but...well, you get the idea!

Mother's Groups! - birthtalks ®

Ideas For Building Your Support Network After Baby

Whatever happens, enjoy your new life but don't be too hard on yourself - and remember, perhaps, that making huge emotional decisions when your body/brain might still be a bit out of whack should be put off for a while?

Hugs,
LC

[SaraWood]

Hi there

Just thought I'd share my experience. Myself and partner moved to Melbourne in July 2006 and we had our first daughter March this year, the time has just flown by. I have no family here but my partner has his brother and his family and I do consider them my family as well.

We have just arrived back, yesterday from our first visit back to UK (Manchester) so my feelings are quite raw. I do feel home sick at the moment but I know that will pass, yes it was hard to leave first time round and it was very hard to leave with the grandchild but deep down I know that bring up our daughter here in Australia is the best thing to do.

I didn't think that the UK had changed so much and I didn't expect it to either because two years really isn't that long but the atmosphere of the country has changed in my opinion. The gangs of youths just have a different air of confidence about them knowing that whatever trouble they cause nothing will be done about it and I don't want to live in fear of leaving the house.

So here I am back home and I guess the visit back has just confirmed forme that it was my choice to move here, I know it was the right thing to do and now I plan to make the most of it! Starting with a barbie at weekend as the weather is going to be great.

Sara

[samlee]

Thanks for all the replies, its great to hear other stories. So do any of you think you will go back to the UK? its such a tough decision to make. We have just got our notice today of our ceremony to become Citizens!! Our baby is an Aussie so we thought we'd better all be citizens! We havent been back since we left home, but having a holiday back there with the baby, then having to leave and come home here just seems terrible!! I dont think I could come back and take him away from the family.......he is the only grandchild on both sides! Oh the things we do hey!!!

[Clackkit]

Hi, I too am a first time mum here in Oz i have a 4 month old daughter and have only been out here 18 months with my husband. Unlike you we have no family willing to visit us out here so no one in our families has met our daughter yet. I found it very hard at first and still do that she doesnt have her family around and now that i am trying to study even more so having no one that i can trust as much as my mum to take care of her but we moved here for the future of our children and for that reason we are going to stay. I was seriously considering going back home about 1-2 months ago but i just feel that after 3-6 months we would want to back here in oz and its not easy to move from one side of the world to the other...again lol i still often cry myself to sleep because of how much i miss my family but i think me and my husband can provide a better future for our children which encourages me to stay. I also dont look at oz in a negative light i hated everything and everyone aussie when we first moved out here so i decided to give it a go and think of everything positivley and i must say its helped me tremendously. I hope you make the right decision for you all, its so hard being so far away Good luck xxx