paddymacs Posted September 30, 2015 Share Posted September 30, 2015 Omg we are leaving tomorrow all I can do is cry I really think I'm making a mistake anyone else been in this situation? I can't sleep hubby will think I'm mad. The guilt I feel over leaving my parents and how I'll miss them is unreal. I am heartbroken and I'm still with them. Anyone else pull out at this late stage? Please advise or tell me what you did. I feel like I am Losing the plot here. We are both in our 40's and have three young children too. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Elven Posted September 30, 2015 Share Posted September 30, 2015 Hello, Your not not losing the plot it's all natural feelings and I went through them last October when we left. In the final few months before we left I had serious doubts and really should of listened to my inner feelings. The morning of our flights I almost pulled out. I have two grown up sons in the Uk and miss them along with the rest of my family, friends, work, our beautiful home and the beautiful countryside along with lots more. I loved my life back home. A year later and I still feel the same. I've had many wonderful experiences and made some new friends and enjoyed my time here. In many ways it's made me a stronger person and more appreciative of what I have. Thankfully we kept our home and will return sooner or later. I wish I'd listened to myself and no one else, that's a valuable lesson I learnt. Only you can decide what to do. It's your life your decision but if you do decide not to go then you must never have any regrets. Just leave it in the past and never look back. If you do leave then embrace it with open arms and see what develops. Good luck and be happy with your life choices. Feel free to PM me for support Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Diane Posted September 30, 2015 Share Posted September 30, 2015 You're not burning any bridges behind you - at this late stage, give it a go. Your parents can come visit, you can go back to visit, and if it doesn't work out you can move back again in a couple of years. i say 'couple of years' because most people will tell you (and they told us too) it will take at lesat that long before you start to feel 'settled'. All the reasons for making the move in the first place are presumably still valid? If you drop out now, I think that will probably be even more unsettling for all your family than if you just bite your lip and get the goodbyes over with. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jumpingjellybean Posted September 30, 2015 Share Posted September 30, 2015 Omg we are leaving tomorrow all I can do is cry I really think I'm making a mistake anyone else been in this situation? I can't sleep hubby will think I'm mad. The guilt I feel over leaving my parents and how I'll miss them is unreal. I am heartbroken and I'm still with them. Anyone else pull out at this late stage? Please advise or tell me what you did. I feel like I am Losing the plot here. We are both in our 40's and have three young children too. Goodness gracious pull yourself together! Stiff upper lip and all that. Sorry joke! Normal cold feet feelings. Just like getting married or doing your first solo sky dive. Many people wonder if the are doing the right thing too. They normally enjoy it once they push themselves to leave their comfort zone. Same with emigrating. Yes you might be making a mistake. But if you are then you can return. You are not flying to Mars on a one way ticket. You are literally just a 24 hour flight away. But you will never never know...... if you never never go! I suggest giving it your best shot for one year (which will go quickly) and then reassessing. You can skype your parents, email and speak with them on the phone. Maybe they could visit you after six months or visa versa. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Quoll Posted September 30, 2015 Share Posted September 30, 2015 Nothing is forever. Hopefully you haven't burned any bridges so if you go and you like it you win but if you don't like it then turn around and come back. It may be a big mistake or it may be the best thing you ever did, nobody knows when they take that leap of faith. I'm a big fan of "out of sight and out of mind" - stay off Skype, FB and Twitter for a few months otherwise you will just be picking at the scab of the life you've left behind and it won't ever heal. Enjoy the ride! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted September 30, 2015 Share Posted September 30, 2015 I think you are bound to be emotional but pulling out at this point seems a big over reaction. I think you need to focus and remember why you wanted to make this move, what your plans and hoped for goals were and pull it together a little bit. Some people do react and cope badly to the whole goodbye thing, perhaps you are one of them. Again, deep breath and focus. Stop dwelling on it being goodbye and put your energy into it being a 'see you later' and not that you won't see them for a long time, but you will see them again. I do agree with Quoll. More so if you are really falling apart at the thought of goodbye in the last few days. When you arrive in Aus, don't spent every spare moment on text, FB or other things. Just give yourself space and a chance to find your feet. Keep it to email or a message for a bit. If you land and the first thing you are doing is logging into Skype for a chat, you are possibly making it more of a struggle to give yourself a chance to see how it could be. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fifi69 Posted September 30, 2015 Share Posted September 30, 2015 Its a big step...and all you can do is give it a go. Dont think of it as forever, just an adventure. leaving family behind is the worst, only once here can you decide if its worth the sacrifice. No shame if its not for you and your happier back with them. depends how you see it, are you and your own nuclear family strong enough to go it alone? if you are, then you will make it work. Good luck and best wishes x Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DeeTowers Posted September 30, 2015 Share Posted September 30, 2015 I was so excited in the months leading up to our flight, I was absolutely fine packing up the house and showing renters round, put the car in storage, and even treated ourselves to business class seats on Emirates but on the day of travel saying goodbye to my family as the Emirates car picked us up was the worst feeling ever. I cried all the way to Australia - I'm not joking, I tried to compose myself somewhere between Dubai and Sydney but then the crew brought out a "Bon Voyage" cake that my family had ordered for my flight!!!! Well that was it I think I cried myself to sleep after that! Its been just over 4 years since that day and we have been back about 6 times and we have had family come and stay with us - we know we are lucky. This year we went back twice in the space of 3 months, once for the Easter holidays and then in July because we had a sale on our house and we had to clear out all the stuff we had stored in the loft and shed "Just in case" we moved back to the UK. We have no plans to move back in the next 5 years so we have some choice pieces of furniture on a ship bound for Oz and are buying here in Sydney. You never loose the pain of not being near your best friends or family but it gets better over time - I love my life here and that is the only thing that is missing but with modern technology it makes it easier - My mum now has an iPad and knows what facetime is!!!!!! All the best and embrace it, that 1sst flight is the hardest but give it a go, my husband said we were going for a year, its been over 4...... xx Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bungo Posted September 30, 2015 Share Posted September 30, 2015 Omg we are leaving tomorrow all I can do is cry I really think I'm making a mistake anyone else been in this situation? I can't sleep hubby will think I'm mad. The guilt I feel over leaving my parents and how I'll miss them is unreal. I am heartbroken and I'm still with them. Anyone else pull out at this late stage? Please advise or tell me what you did. I feel like I am Losing the plot here. We are both in our 40's and have three young children too. Some last minutes nerves amd wondering whether it is the right thing to do are common and natural. I don't think crying for months on end thinking about it is natural, but if it just the last day or two for you then yes, I would put that dos to last minute nerves. Pulling out at this stage, when you have already done so much to prepare for the move, might be something you will regret next week. I think you have to go through with it. To help you, remind yourself of all the reasons you decided to apply for a visa, writing them down might help. Make sure you have a get out plan, an agreement with the OH about what you will do if one of you does not settle, how long would you give it etc. Just having had that conversation and having that pact, might help you feel more confident about the move. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jacaranda Posted September 30, 2015 Share Posted September 30, 2015 Paddymacs,was it both you and your partners decision to move to Oz,or did your partner "persuade"you to?It doesn't sound to me,like you were 100% sure of moving to Oz.I get that people experience last minute jitters (normal)but to actually want to pull out of going at the last minute,to me,rings alarm bells.I agree with everyone else that you don't need to look at this as a closed door,just an open door which you can walk back through.My only fear for you right now is,if your OH absolutely loves it (and hopefully you will too)but if you don't?Have you ever discussed what would happen then? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Paul1Perth Posted September 30, 2015 Share Posted September 30, 2015 I was so excited in the months leading up to our flight, I was absolutely fine packing up the house and showing renters round, put the car in storage, and even treated ourselves to business class seats on Emirates but on the day of travel saying goodbye to my family as the Emirates car picked us up was the worst feeling ever. I cried all the way to Australia - I'm not joking, I tried to compose myself somewhere between Dubai and Sydney but then the crew brought out a "Bon Voyage" cake that my family had ordered for my flight!!!! Well that was it I think I cried myself to sleep after that! Its been just over 4 years since that day and we have been back about 6 times and we have had family come and stay with us - we know we are lucky. This year we went back twice in the space of 3 months, once for the Easter holidays and then in July because we had a sale on our house and we had to clear out all the stuff we had stored in the loft and shed "Just in case" we moved back to the UK. We have no plans to move back in the next 5 years so we have some choice pieces of furniture on a ship bound for Oz and are buying here in Sydney. You never loose the pain of not being near your best friends or family but it gets better over time - I love my life here and that is the only thing that is missing but with modern technology it makes it easier - My mum now has an iPad and knows what facetime is!!!!!! All the best and embrace it, that 1sst flight is the hardest but give it a go, my husband said we were going for a year, its been over 4...... xx You must be loaded to go back that often. We were here 13 years before we went back. Never felt the need to TBH, everyone was coming out here for holidays so we saw the families a fair bit. Hate the flight and there are so many other places to go that are a lot closer. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chortlepuss Posted September 30, 2015 Share Posted September 30, 2015 Omg we are leaving tomorrow all I can do is cry I really think I'm making a mistake anyone else been in this situation? I can't sleep hubby will think I'm mad. The guilt I feel over leaving my parents and how I'll miss them is unreal. I am heartbroken and I'm still with them. Anyone else pull out at this late stage? Please advise or tell me what you did. I feel like I am Losing the plot here. We are both in our 40's and have three young children too. Last minute nerves - be strange if you didn't feel like this - what a daunting adventure. Personally I was terrified, and even mid way through the trip (in Singapore when a visa cock up was discovered for my hubby which could have prevented him entering), I was for turning back - looking at the flights to return to Gatwick. Nearly 10 years later, 3 trips home - I'm ready to head back to the UK, but we've had a great experience - and you won't know until you try!! Courage!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jacaranda Posted September 30, 2015 Share Posted September 30, 2015 You must be loaded to go back that often. We were here 13 years before we went back. Never felt the need to TBH, everyone was coming out here for holidays so we saw the families a fair bit. Hate the flight and there are so many other places to go that are a lot closer. Just as its your choice Paul to go "somewhere closer"its other people's choice not to.Does it really matter to you where other people choose to spend their holidays? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Marisawright Posted September 30, 2015 Share Posted September 30, 2015 @paddymacs - only you know whether you should turn back or not. You've been on these forums a while, so I'm sure you know that it's migrants who are very close to their family who are most likely to end up coming home again. But I'm sure you've been well aware of that for a while, and you've felt you could cope with it - it hasn't stopped you getting to this point in your journey. I don't remember you posting anything which indicates you haven't been 100% looking forward to the move. So I'd say this is just last minute nerves. You've got this far, and you've already got the tickets, so get on the plane and just do it, then see how you feel. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
shak Posted September 30, 2015 Share Posted September 30, 2015 I would say just go for it now...i know the feeling,it was the most heart wrenching thing i have ever done in my life,honestly i were crying like it were someones funeral,i was a total wreck,but i still made myself get on that plane,because if i didnt i would've always lived with 'what ifs'.it didn't work out for me,but it was an experience, at least i get to say 'i've lived in australia' how many get to say that,huh?plus moving here has also made me appreciate the uk alot more and my family/friends.and you never know it may not be the same for you,you may love it here,you wont know till you try! So just take a deep breath,get on that plane and see how it all goes. Good luck Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rosiehome Posted September 30, 2015 Share Posted September 30, 2015 I really feel for you. I remember being at Heathrow saying to my husband "I can't do this, I can't get on the plane" It's understandable and natural to have last minute jitters. I agree with others - you will always wonder if you back out now. It doesn't have to be forever. Just look at it as an adventure, somerhing you are going to try. If it doesn't work out then you can decide where you really want to be based on experience rather than fear of the unknown. Good luck and I truly hope all goes well. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
starlight7 Posted September 30, 2015 Share Posted September 30, 2015 Just go. Everyone has these feelings to a greater or lesser extent and if you don't go now you will spend half your life with 'what ifs". Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HappyHeart Posted September 30, 2015 Share Posted September 30, 2015 I cried ALL DAY on my last day in the UK. Totally lost the plot. Tears soon dried up and have been happy with our decision to move from day 1 to almost 7 years later. My guess is last minute panic. Completely normal. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jacaranda Posted September 30, 2015 Share Posted September 30, 2015 I don't believe in "What if's"!You could spend your whole life thinking "What if I didn't move to Oz""What if I had brought that gorgeous villa in Majorca"to a million or so other "what ifs"!You make a decision based on your knowledge and feelings at "that time"not somewhere out there in the future.Unless I'm the odd one out,I follow my gut feeling,process my feelings,do my research and make a decision and stick with it at the time.I don't half heartedly make decisions,anxious that at some point I will get the "What if". Fwiw OP,I'm going take a guess you're on your way to Oz and got on the flight.I hope you manage to find some happiness and peace,and please let us know how it all goes.Best wishes and good luck! 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Que Sera Sera Posted September 30, 2015 Share Posted September 30, 2015 No words of wisdom from me because I'm one of the odd ones who couldn't wait to go I was so happy and excited it was finally happening but I think that was more than likely because I wasn't saying good bye to my Parents as they were both dead. I never had any doubts I was lucky. I hope you did get on the plane and I hope you do like your new life. Good luck. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Petkula73 Posted September 30, 2015 Share Posted September 30, 2015 A life lived in fear is a life half lived, as the saying goes... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Cleantrainers Posted September 30, 2015 Share Posted September 30, 2015 I have been in Sydney for 3 weeks now and I was in the exact same boat as you in the days before we left. We were leaving our eldest son behind (24) and all of our family who lived close by. I even re-homed our dog which broke my heart the most. Both my husband & I cried all the way to the airport!!! We had lived here before, 10 years ago, and I've prayed to get back ever since but as time went on life became more comfortable for us in the UK and we couldn't see a way to get back either. Then out of the blue came the call from work to say there was an opening and we debated for a few months. Changing our minds on a daily basis. Then finally we just said that if we didn't go we might regret it and if we did go then we could always go back. The first time we came our boys were 7 and 11 and it really is a great place to bring up children. Please also PM me for more support as I can remember what it was like the first time around Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jumpingjellybean Posted September 30, 2015 Share Posted September 30, 2015 I'm one of the odd ones who couldn't wait to go I was so happy and excited I must be "odd" too! I was so excited and happy. I didn't cry. My family didn't cry. No fuss was made. It was a quick kiss and hug at home. No party or long drawn out farewells. They wished me luck and asked me to keep in touch. Then I took myself off to the airport alone. Then again, my sisters and brothers, have always been quite independent of each other. We got together at Xmas most years. But we didn't live in each others pockets, months could go by without a phone call and we weren't tied by the apron strings to our parents. So guessing if you see your parents and family an excessive amount and are very involved with them - then leaving would be hard and staying may be harder. But we have to try these things in life. Give it a go - and see how you go. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
newjez Posted September 30, 2015 Share Posted September 30, 2015 Omg we are leaving tomorrow all I can do is cry I really think I'm making a mistake anyone else been in this situation? I can't sleep hubby will think I'm mad. The guilt I feel over leaving my parents and how I'll miss them is unreal. I am heartbroken and I'm still with them. Anyone else pull out at this late stage? Please advise or tell me what you did. I feel like I am Losing the plot here. We are both in our 40's and have three young children too. Even if you decide to come back after six months, you'll have missed winter and had a lovely summer. Treat it as an adventure. Small steps. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DeeTowers Posted October 1, 2015 Share Posted October 1, 2015 You must be loaded to go back that often. We were here 13 years before we went back. Never felt the need to TBH, everyone was coming out here for holidays so we saw the families a fair bit. Hate the flight and there are so many other places to go that are a lot closer. No not loaded, we just chose to use our holidays visiting family and friends that we left behind and miss, we have also been very lucky that our house has had a revolving door since we arrived of everyone coming to visit us - its like we never left sometimes!!! Also we had committed to attend some family get togethers before we moved so knew we were going back for weddings etc... I don't like the flight either but its a small sacrifice :-) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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