Parents are so upset - help

**JohnAli** · 01-08-2012, 09:39 AM

My parents are taking our news that we are moving to OZ a lot worse than I expected and I am having trouble coping. My Dad is refusing to speak to me and has told me he does not want to see me and play happy families, my mum is speaking to me but about everything other than Australia, I knew they would be upset but I was not expecting this. I am an only child, so no brothers or sisters to reply on. We don't have children, we are early 40's so it's now or never for us. I am getting so upset when I think about how upset my parents are ( I am crying now ). I feel so selfish. Is anyone else finding this process so emotional ? Or am I the only nutter? Ali

**devon67** · 01-08-2012, 09:44 AM

its their way of dealing with their emotions, it will pass in time, when are you planning to move? It really depends on time, if you are leaving in a few weeks and only just told them i can understand that they are really upset. if you are really close they id hope theyd be talking to you by the time you leave
i'd advise not to push the issue, let the idea sink in, wait for them to approach you as they will have lots of unanswered questions and concerns

**starlight7** · 01-08-2012, 09:45 AM

I think you are not selfish- but they are, rather. I am an only child, too and that does make it that bit harder but follow you dreams John- you never know, maybe one day they might even join you!

**JohnAli** · 01-08-2012, 09:51 AM

Originally Posted by devon67

its their way of dealing with their emotions, it will pass in time, when are you planning to move? It really depends on time, if you are leaving in a few weeks and only just told them i can understand that they are really upset. if you are really close they id hope theyd be talking to you by the time you leave
i'd advise not to push the issue, let the idea sink in, wait for them to approach you as they will have lots of unanswered questions and concerns

We are planning on going April 2013 , we have a holiday booked with my parents in 2 weeks which I am now axious about as I know how stubborn my Dad can be !! Thanks for your advice I am finding it difficult to think straight - no doubts about going - I think it's still sinking in that we actually have our visa !! Thanks Ali x

***Moving 2 Melbourne*** · 01-08-2012, 09:53 AM

Hun

you are only in this world once and you have to do what is right for you. My mum didn't speak to me for 4 years, eventually she tracked me down and apologised, she flew out a week later and now visits for 3 months every year. She says it was the best move we ever did, she just didn't think like that at the time. Just give them time

**JohnAli** · 01-08-2012, 09:57 AM

Originally Posted by Moving 2 Melbourne

Hun

you are only in this world once and you have to do what is right for you. My mum didn't speak to me for 4 years, eventually she tracked me down and apologised, she flew out a week later and now visits for 3 months every year. She says it was the best move we ever did, she just didn't think like that at the time. Just give them time

Fab reply - thanks - hope it doesn't take 4 years to win them round. How old is your mum? My parents are 70 I think they can make the flight, they think otherwise !! x

**sussex boy** · 01-08-2012, 09:58 AM

Hi there, its a difficult one. My inlaws were completley against and my familly for. I made the point that they no longer lived with their parents, had moved out, moved etc. Down the line as the news from the Uk has got worse the letters to my mrs are very positive about the move and congtatulating us. When we left to get on the plane I said to the outlaws that they were not losing a daughter but gaining a holiday destination, they have come round in the end . Good luck.

***Moving 2 Melbourne*** · 01-08-2012, 10:02 AM

Originally Posted by JohnAli

Fab reply - thanks - hope it doesn't take 4 years to win them round. How old is your mum? My parents are 70 I think they can make the flight, they think otherwise !! x

She is 68 so not far off yours and she travels alone so I think your parents will be fine, once they have made that first flight there will be no stopping them

**guest36187** · 01-08-2012, 10:06 AM

Noone is being selfish. Moving to the other side of the world is stressful as hell!

When we moved, my mum didnt want to know anything about it. I was living her dream and she found it so hard to come to terms with. Dad didnt ask anything about our move as he didnt want to upset Mum. The one that listened to everything we wanted to say and looked at all the information we showed was my seventy something Nanna!

The emotions are sometimes jealousy, they may not feel that they can do such a move! They are sad that they are losing you, sad that you are leaving and they will feel that you may not want or need them anymore.

Best thing, involve them in everything, give them an option to be involved.

In order to do a move like this, you have to be a little selfish and look after number one!

**Meljayg** · 01-08-2012, 10:21 AM

I know exactly what you're going through. My Husband and I have made the decision to move to Perth and my Mum has taken it really hard, she has been absolutely vile to me since we told her our plans, my husbands parents are alot more understanding, even though they've said it'll break their hearts that we are going.

We have 2 little boys and are doing it for them as much as us and they understand that, but we can't even have a civil conversation with my mum and step-dad without them getting angry and being nasty, "we'll never come and visit....blah blah blah" - the bug bear for them (I think) is that my Dad, stepmum, brother and 2 stepsisters and their families all live out there - which I get, but still, we have to think of us.

I don't think you are being at all selfish, I think they are, we only get one chance at live and you have to live it how you wish and without regret, I'm sure they will come round in time (as will mine!!).

Mel x