Is emigration selfish?

**Tulip** · 05-07-2012, 04:32 PM

I recently saw a comment that stated that 'Emigration is a selfish process'. I can understand if one person doesn't want to leave their home in England/Australia to move to one or the other, but does so because their OH wants to. I don't understand how that groups all emigration as selfish? There are plenty of families that move over together, both wanting the same thing. Myself included, my OH and I are moving to Aus where he was raised and it certainly won't be a selfish move on my part because we are both in a loving and trusting relationship and talk about the things we want, we don't hide anything. So I'm sorry but I don't understand how such a generalised statement can be made? Certainly sounds like a very uneducated one.

Aside from selfish partners, how is emigration itself selfish? Perhaps you could argue that it's selfish because you're taking children or future children away from their grandparents or uncles, etc. But would you consider family and friends selfish to ask you to stay because of that? Are children happier with their parents, or with their grandparents? I certainly know that had I had a child in Australia after moving there, the child wouldn't miss people it hadn't met before.
Perhaps selfish because you're taking away from people in the UK/Aus? Because they can't enjoy you or your kids anymore whilst you're there? Seems like that's a selfish act on the people who are staying though... if you love something, let it go and be happy.

So I agree that in some aspects you could say that people who emigrate that are taking loved ones with them would be a selfish act, but certainly not all, and I do think selfish is too strong a word. Is it selfish to follow what we'd like? With one set of grandparents in Aus and one in the UK, I know I couldn't stay in either country without being accused of being selfish because I would always be depriving one or the other of future grandchildren.

But surely a black and white statement like 'emigration is a selfish process' isn't necessary. Especially not on a forum that's directed at poms in Australia, whether they want to return or not. Certainly not very open-minded to make others think that by emigrating they will be selfish people making a selfish decision... A little like telling someone not to get the bus, because you might be taking up someone's seat who will aboard later on in the journey. Sometimes you have to think about what's best for your partner and yourself and not let other people try to keep you from your dreams. Because that might make those people the selfish ones. :)

**Perthbum** · 05-07-2012, 04:35 PM

Depends how much you are liked in your country of birth, some relatives might be glad to see the back of you.

**scottishstacey** · 05-07-2012, 04:37 PM

I dont think selfish is the right word, I know sometimes you have to just do what you think is right no matter how your family feel about it which some people might see as selfish. I think its worse when some family's beg them to stay and try and guilt trip them but i can see why it would be hard for the family, so glad my family would never do that to me. they'd just be glad to get rid of me

**Tulip** · 05-07-2012, 04:37 PM

LOL Perthbum, true enough!!

**scottishstacey** · 05-07-2012, 04:38 PM

Originally Posted by Perthbum

Depends how much you are liked in your country of birth, some relatives might be glad to see the back of you.

you beat me to it lol that must be why none of mine seem bothered

**Andy** · 05-07-2012, 04:40 PM

Originally Posted by Perthbum

Depends how much you are liked in your country of birth, some relatives might be glad to see the back of you.

Yeah i agree

**sh7t man no way** · 05-07-2012, 05:08 PM

its not selfish to want a presumably a better life,and experience different things--the selfish attitude comes from those people who's comfort zone you are disturbing by having that dream of a different life

**Rupert** · 05-07-2012, 10:12 PM

I think a successful emmigration does require a certain amount of selfishness. But I don't mean this as a bad thing, but simply that the migrant puts and is able to put their own wants and needs before anything else.

Interesting comment on future children not knowing family, my parents lived in a different country to the rest of their families and did not particularly keep in touch either, so growing up I had no extended family. So no of course I don't literally miss people I didn't ever know, but I always wished I had that extended family and even now as a 40 something, I still do and I still think I missed out on something. It is too easy to take these things for granted or even see it as a burden.

**rikyuu** · 05-07-2012, 10:31 PM

Our priorities were for our young children so we moved here in the hope it would be a better life for them and if it was also better for us, it was a bomus. It has been much better for my wife as there's so much for her to do with the kids and so much socialising, my kids love it here too. I have found it difficult with work pressures, financial pressures and terrible commutes, but try to make up for it at the weekend. I also feel bad that my (small) family in the UK can't see the kids, so we Skype as much as possible (my wife's family is in Japan) and that I can't see my ederly grandmother. That makes me feel a bit selfish. But my kids are the priority and I have to remember that.

**Murta** · 05-07-2012, 10:47 PM

yes the statement can be argued as it has been here. seflishness becomes the word used when your life plans are exposed to the public in the most obvious way immigrating, so its hard to avoid being called selfish as a higher percentage of people 9family friends and community) are sad or will feel the void your departure will have on their lives so the only way of licking that wound is to name the immigrating person as "selfish". we are easier targets as it is us that are upping the apple cart so to speak.

But all said and done I still firmly consider that my decision to remove my children from their extended family, culture values and identity could
possibly be THE MOST selfish thing I can do and I do question deep down if this is worth the upheaval. I see it in my work little kids how are settled in their school fair enough but are cut from their extended family soley dependant on their nuclear family who are working damn hard to make it working living in ireland...in child protection/welfare jargon we could view them as socially isolated families as when the chips are down families that work together are needed and get you out of messes sooner. i degress but all in all i feel selfish is the closet word that is universal in many immigrants minding when making the decision an dif not in their in many of the family's minds they leave behind.