Heartless mothers destroying families!

[tracy123]

I don’t think it is right to turn others threads into a debate of the rights or wrongs of taking children away from 1 parent so i’ll start one of my own.

We have 2 threads running at the minute, 1 by a father looking for advice on how to keep his children in the UK and the other by a mother looking to take her children away from their father. While the father is getting loads of support the mother is being attacked, why is that so?
The father could be a right arse and just looking at ways to get back at his ex, but nobody has said that or asked any questions in that direction, we are just happy to offer positive support (the way it should be) But the mother..... how dare she want to start a new life!!!!

Anyone with children going to Australia are taking them away from family, friends and their not being questioned or attacked, but somehow taking them away from a father WOW you can’t do that. Not interested in how good or bad the father is, it’s morally wrong!

I can only talk for myself but we looked at it from all angles, are we doing the right thing? We spoke to our son about it, we tried to talk to Tracy’s ex and he wasn’t interested, it wasn’t as straight forward as stuff him lets go just to piss off Tracy’s ex. So when it come to asking questions on PIO, things like “what about the father” weren’t helpful, we had already thought about that.
How many people have really thought about the impact the move will have on their children and family members? I bet people that have and are trying to take their children away from their other parent have thought long and hard about it.

IMHO if you have no support or real advice to offer then don’t say anything, because you’re not helping!

Taking children away from another partner is a very stressful thing to do, it’s a long process that’s very costly and I know myself we had loads of questions about the processes involved and not to many people would offer advice in the open because of the grief they would get off other members so it was all done via PM.

[tracy123]

I don't think it ever should be allowed, unless say the parent who they are leaving has been abusive to the child and hasn't bothered to have any contact for say ............ 5 years, just my opinion. I think when a child hits 16 say, they pretty much know whether they want to go or not and i think that should be the age that the parent being left behind should have no real say, but then again its such an emotive issue and i have no experience of it. I don't think any child who is having regular contact with a parent and theres been no abuse, should be taken away from them.

What about working Mum and Dad who leave their child with a grand parent, where the grand parent has raised the child while the parents work?

Jakes Dad had fortnighty contact (not that he spent more than a few hours with him) faught tooth and nail and now can't be bothered to even call his son or even send a birthday card?
We provided a computer and skype phone so there would be no cost but Jake has only spoke to his Dad 3 times in 5 months and the call lasts no longer than 5 minutes as his dad is just to busy.
Why should we have to wait till Jake is 16?

As I said Jim, most people think long and hard before doing something like this.

[Wellers and Whitehead]

I don't think it ever should be allowed, unless say the parent who they are leaving has been abusive to the child and hasn't bothered to have any contact for say ............ 5 years, just my opinion. I think when a child hits 16 say, they pretty much know whether they want to go or not and i think that should be the age that the parent being left behind should have no real say, but then again its such an emotive issue and i have no experience of it. I don't think any child who is having regular contact with a parent and theres been no abuse, should be taken away from them.

When these cases go to court, each parent will be spoken too and the child/ren seperately. Reports are written by CAFCASS who will recommend the best option for the child/ren.

With regards to 'Contact', even though this takes places it is not always positive. Parents can have tokenistic contact with their children with can be very harmful/hurtful to the child/ren.

As you say, this is a very emotive subject and for those people who have no experience of this situation it is unhelpful to give such judgemental views. Unless you know all the facts about each individual case dont be so opinionated.

It will never be an easy decision for the parents to make!

[tracy123]

Its such a mine field and everyones circumstance are different, my main concern is for a loving caring parent, looking at losing his child and they haven't done anything wrong. The 16 year old point, is in relation to - just at what age should the child have the right to choose, 16 seems about right to me, but i am open to someone not agreeing.

I think lots will agree with you Jim

But you need to remember people are not asking "am I doing the right thing?" they are asking the process of it all.

How would you feel if you asked a question about immigration and someone started having a go at you because you hadn't thought about your kids family? And that's what's happening here Jim.

[The Ropey HOFF]

I am deleting my posts, so please delete any reference to what i have said, cheers.

[Wellers and Whitehead]

Wind your neck it and don't get personal with me, it is my point of view, if you don't like it, say something like, i don't agree because of ............ i find your reply rude and my reply to you is the same.

Ha..I wasnt having a go at you, sorry if it read like that...was just referring to your post as you put about the contact bit!!

[tracy123]

Wind your neck it and don't get personal with me, it is my point of view, if you don't like it, say something like, i don't agree because of ............ i find your reply rude and my reply to you is the same.

How did you work that one out Jim? I think the flu is messing with your brain

(giving flowers that means I'm being nice)

[Quoll]

I think it is a really complex situation - I dont know that there is any universal "right". I have immense sympathy for an active parent whose ex wants to remove their kids from the jurisdiction however I have even more sympathy for a parent who wants to return to the place where they have more support with their kids but is prevented by some no hoper of an ex who just wants to exert the power.

In Australia the chances of a parent being able to leave with their kid are extraordinarily slim (like pretty much zero if the ex says no) whereas it does seem that the UK is more likely to allow a parent to leave with a child even if the ex is a fabulous and active parent. I think maybe Aus needs to be a bit more accommodating, at least with the UK it is possible. I really really really hate it when kids are used as pawns in a power game!

[ali]

I had a friend who brought her child from another relationship here to Aus with her new partner. Her ex gave permission although he did not want to do - he thought it would be a better life for his daughter and that a court battle over her wasn't fair to her. They maintain contact, but now his daughter questions why he didn't 'love her enough' to want to make her stay? Sometimes when each parent tries to do the right thing it can still cause a heap of grief.

[parleycross]

I tend to agree with what Jim wrote. I don't know why he deleted his post but agree that if a parent has a relationship with their child it is usually not in the best interests of the child to forcibly stop it.
Particularly in Australia the courts take the view that it is in the childs best interests to have a meaningful relationship with both parents.
Often on PIO the parent trying to move countries does paint their ex partner to be a terrible parent as a way of justifying their decision to take the child overseas.
All cases are different and I wouldn't like to be a judge in these matters. They are difficult situations.
As a general situation I am strongly anti forced removal of children overseas and away from their father. It is a selfish act in my opinion and most importantly usually not in the child's best interests