B1K3R Posted May 31, 2011 Share Posted May 31, 2011 I'm sure that many had to cope/are coping with being away from their lovely kids and I'm wondering how you cope. This coming weekend will be the first one (guess it will be for months) ever for me in the last 5 years (yep, she is 5) and the pain and sadness are new to me. They say 'what does not kill ye makes ye stronger' but I guess its easy said than done. Cheers Biker Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest SunshineSmile Posted May 31, 2011 Share Posted May 31, 2011 I'm sure that many had to cope/are coping with being away from their lovely kids and I'm wondering how you cope. This coming weekend will be the first one (guess it will be for months) ever for me in the last 5 years (yep, she is 5) and the pain and sadness are new to me. They say 'what does not kill ye makes ye stronger' but I guess its easy said than done. Cheers Biker Hi B1K3R My OH is here beside me and his 2 children are back in Ireland living with their Mum (we have been in Tasmania for 3 months now) His youngest is 6 so near your little ones age. He says... Contact, contact, contact.. Skype and phone calls. Get up early to make the calls, set times that you will ring and stick to them. Send home a little parcel once a month with a little present. He also says that you have to know deep down why you are staying (or going in his case) and have belief that this is the right thing to do right now.. thats what he says he holds on to when his ex doesnt facilitate the calls (stupid power play at the expense of the kids). And not to take it to heart when you call and they are "playing out" or at a sleepover, so cant talk. He always takes that as a positive sign that they are happy. Finally, he says take up a hobby or spend more time on one that you have. Keep busy and focus on the next phone call or plan out what little present you will send next month. Hope that helps, its not easy :hug: Steph (and Mr Steph) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
B1K3R Posted May 31, 2011 Author Share Posted May 31, 2011 Thanks for sharing! Does it get easier with time, you reckon? Cheers Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest37336 Posted May 31, 2011 Share Posted May 31, 2011 As Sunshine said mate. Contact all the time, they will NEVER forget who you are, where you are and what you mean to them if you keep this contact going mate, phone calls, text, skype, snail mail, every conceivable avenue, take it my friend. Don't forget mate, that even though you may be having some problems,:cry:your children will hopefully realise little of this, as far as they are concerned their dad is their DAD end of, as long as you tell them that you love them, make them laugh, giggle, talk to them that bond you have will ALWAYS remain there, even though 10,000 miles apart. Admittedly the relationship is a little different, but you are in a difficult position mate, all you can do is do what most dads would do and keep that contact with them and your little girl will be fine mate. Don't worry BIK3R, you are as I know a thoughtful and caring fella, there is no way on gods green earth you will let your daughter down matey, no way,:notworthy:. Cheers Tony. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest The Ropey HOFF Posted May 31, 2011 Share Posted May 31, 2011 I haven't experienced this mate and i can't imagine what it is like, but like what Steph says, keep in contact as much as possible, i know it won't fill the full void of your 5 year old daughter not being actually there with you, but i am sure it will help. You said in an earlier post that you were planning to stay a year, which you are well into now, so all though painful being apart now, hopefully that time will pass quickly and a 5 year old shouldn't have any long lasting memory of you not being there and she won't recall it when she gets older. Chin up mate, it will be tough, but you seem a really strong character and hopefully time will pass quickly and you will be back together soon. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest37336 Posted May 31, 2011 Share Posted May 31, 2011 I'm sure that many had to cope/are coping with being away from their lovely kids and I'm wondering how you cope. This coming weekend will be the first one (guess it will be for months) ever for me in the last 5 years (yep, she is 5) and the pain and sadness are new to me. They say 'what does not kill ye makes ye stronger' but I guess its easy said than done. Cheers Biker Hi mate. Reference the highlighted bit mate,:mad:. If I had a penny, blah, blah, blah. There have been times when the next person that said that to me would have been in orbit around the earth, there is NOTHING worse to hear when you are totally peed off and don't know where to go next. My normal response was to them, 'OH, by the way as you CLOSE THE DOOR pass me that bottle:biglaugh::policeman::shocked:. But I have to say this mate, what is said is true, it may make you different, more positive/negative, insular/outgoing, happy/sad for a while but by gum when you are thrown a curve ball next time you are more prepared to a degree to deal with it, IMO. As I said, it may not make you a better person, but in my experience it does make you stronger and in a way far more accepting of certain scenarios in the future and you are better armed to deal with them. Cheers Tony.:wink: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest SunshineSmile Posted May 31, 2011 Share Posted May 31, 2011 Thanks for sharing! Does it get easier with time, you reckon?Cheers OH says... "It does get easier, keeping the contact is the most vital key as this means I feel in touch with whats happening in their lives and still feel like their Dad. Your daughter is much the same age as mine and life has just carried on for her, she babbles away on the phone to me just like always and she is fascinated with Skype :biglaugh: the calls warm my heart and I hold onto those thoughts on dark days when I see a little girl with blonde curly hair that looks just like my wee girl.. I DO miss them alot. BUT, as someone once said to me, your not the only Dad that has to work overseas...lots of kids have "absent" Dads...You will be ok mate and so will your liitle girl" Mr Sunshine Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest siamsusie Posted June 1, 2011 Share Posted June 1, 2011 :hug::hug: from me Biker. I reiterate what has been said. Love from a Mum away from her two lads. xxx Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
B1K3R Posted June 1, 2011 Author Share Posted June 1, 2011 Thanks siamsusie, They will be flying tomorrow evening. Took 2 days off so that we can spend quality time together. Little one does not seem to realize what's happening, guess she is too young to understand. We were all cuddling on the sofa a few mins ago and had this big smile on her face. I asked her how come and she said...'cause I love you both and it's so nice to be together as a family'. She said it through innocence and it really broke my heart. Didn't know your away from your two lads! Big hugs to you too Cheers Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
terry & Melanie Posted June 1, 2011 Share Posted June 1, 2011 Hi Hun, Such a sad time for you mate.:hug::hug: Big hugs, and if you fancy a beer and a free dinner...give us a shout. You know where we are.xxx Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest36187 Posted June 1, 2011 Share Posted June 1, 2011 From a step mum away from her two for over six years..... I haven't found it gets easier, I think you just learn to deal with it! Contact is vital. The relationship between yourself and your kids will change naturally over the years. I have been a step mum since the kids were four. They are now 23! Our relationship has changed over the years but I have remained a constant in their life. Good luck x x Remember we're always here x Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest siamsusie Posted June 1, 2011 Share Posted June 1, 2011 Thanks siamsusie, They will be flying tomorrow evening. Took 2 days off so that we can spend quality time together. Little one does not seem to realize what's happening, guess she is too young to understand. We were all cuddling on the sofa a few mins ago and had this big smile on her face. I asked her how come and she said...'cause I love you both and it's so nice to be together as a family'. She said it through innocence and it really broke my heart. Didn't know your away from your two lads! Big hugs to you too Cheers It's only "au revoir" Biker:hug: I think by now in Brisbane you have enough friends to talk / have a beer with. I wish the three of you much strength for the coming weeks and remember that PIO is open 24/7 if you need a listening ear. Please wish your wife and daughter a safe flight from me! PS My gorgeous boys are big lads now but they are forever your children, so I do understand the hurt and pain! Love Susie xxx:hug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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