Visa granted....but have had a family bereavement? Anyone else?

**pjnews** · 23-11-2010, 02:18 PM

Hi all,

I am new to this forum and have been browsing a few threads. I too have a dilemma - My visa was granted in May this year after a long dream of wanting to go and settle in Australia. The process did not phase me at all as it was something i had wanted to do for so long. But....in April this year my dad was diagnosed with a terminal illness and sadly passed away in July.

Now I do not know what to do, after reading peoples comments on this forum it seems Oz is not the place it once used to be in terms of cost of living. I have visited twice before the first time for 6 months and the second for 12 months but that was 8 years ago when things were cheap! With everything that has happened I also have realised how important family is, at the time it was so important to be so close to family - they are the ones that matter at the end of the day and i have realised this and now feel i should not move so far away.

But....as some people have said, do i stay here where i have a good job, my partner is doing well at work so he is one of the lucky ones as he is in construction, we have my family here and i am wanting to start a family soon. We live pretty well with both incomes at the mo and can afford to save for luxury holidays etc....so why change it?

Just wondered if anyone else had experienced anything similair and felt differently after a bereavement?

It would be great to hear from anyone.
Many thanks (and apologies for the rather long post i didn't intend it to be so long!)

**B1K3R** · 23-11-2010, 02:39 PM

Hi pjnews,

I'm really sorry for your dad, it must have been a tough time for you and your family. You have my condolences.

People move to a new land for various reasons. The most common are for a better life (at least they think and feel) and for adventure.

It seems you are happy there, close to family, have good jobs etc etc. So, you wont be moving for a better life, but just a different life on the 'same' (maybe?) levels but with different parameters (like weather).

Only you can tell what's best for you and your family. If you don't want an adventure and are happy there, why would you move then?

Think what you want from life, what can you gain and loose if you move and most of all listen to your gut feeling and to what your partner feels.

I wish you luck on whatever you decide

Cheers
B!K3R

**kellyjamie** · 23-11-2010, 02:45 PM

first off im very sorry to hear about your dad, really makes you appreciate who you have.
secondly, i think reading your post you have maybe answered your own question? seems to me you already know what you want

**KIRK AND CO** · 24-11-2010, 07:23 AM

Originally Posted by pjnews

Hi all,

I am new to this forum and have been browsing a few threads. I too have a dilemma - My visa was granted in May this year after a long dream of wanting to go and settle in Australia. The process did not phase me at all as it was something i had wanted to do for so long. But....in April this year my dad was diagnosed with a terminal illness and sadly passed away in July.

Now I do not know what to do, after reading peoples comments on this forum it seems Oz is not the place it once used to be in terms of cost of living. I have visited twice before the first time for 6 months and the second for 12 months but that was 8 years ago when things were cheap! With everything that has happened I also have realised how important family is, at the time it was so important to be so close to family - they are the ones that matter at the end of the day and i have realised this and now feel i should not move so far away.

But....as some people have said, do i stay here where i have a good job, my partner is doing well at work so he is one of the lucky ones as he is in construction, we have my family here and i am wanting to start a family soon. We live pretty well with both incomes at the mo and can afford to save for luxury holidays etc....so why change it?

Just wondered if anyone else had experienced anything similair and felt differently after a bereavement?

It would be great to hear from anyone.
Many thanks (and apologies for the rather long post i didn't intend it to be so long!)

Put half your income away each month for a year then see how you have survived over that period. If you have had no problem then oz will be ok if it has been hard then at least you have saved enough to have a extream luxury holiday lol.

**pjnews** · 24-11-2010, 09:08 AM

Thanks for the comments everyone so far, I am still trying to decide whether to activate the visa or not, we have until Feb to activate and that is stressing me out on top of everything else as time is running out to book as my dates will be very restricted.

I just don't know whether to activate or not as at the moment i feel as though it is best to stay here, but i dont want to regret it as we have until 2015 to make the move if i activate.

My partner is easy either way so i am very lucky there but at the same time he is no help in trying to come to a decision. If we don't visit that money would go towards our wedding but if we do visit it is just another chunk of money gone plus both of us would have to take unpaid leave from work to visit. so much to think about and sooooo confused!

**guest32487** · 24-11-2010, 09:11 AM

Personally, I always think it is better to regret the things you have done - rather than the things you haven't :o)

**KIRK AND CO** · 24-11-2010, 09:45 AM

Originally Posted by pjnews

Thanks for the comments everyone so far, I am still trying to decide whether to activate the visa or not, we have until Feb to activate and that is stressing me out on top of everything else as time is running out to book as my dates will be very restricted.

I just don't know whether to activate or not as at the moment i feel as though it is best to stay here, but i dont want to regret it as we have until 2015 to make the move if i activate.

My partner is easy either way so i am very lucky there but at the same time he is no help in trying to come to a decision. If we don't visit that money would go towards our wedding but if we do visit it is just another chunk of money gone plus both of us would have to take unpaid leave from work to visit. so much to think about and sooooo confused!

If it is because you cant afford to activate visa then your right desision is to stay here but if you can go to oz as one of your LUXURY holiday then it is a travasty on your part that you dont.

**One Hour Photo** · 26-11-2010, 12:51 PM

Are we living in a generation that has lost its grip on reality. People DIE - there you are I said it - people die.

If you ever get the chance to talk to people who lived through WW11 (no-one around now who remembers WW1) they faced the death of those close to them very differently. They dealt with death, and other events, (being bombed every night for weeks, months and years) with a strength and stoicism we lack today.

Most of us will live to see our grandparents die, most of us will live to see our parents die, a few of us will see our children die.

I have read threads on here that refer to the death of someone’s elderly parent as a 'tragedy' 'a terrible time' etc. surely it’s a (predictable) life event.

Why aren't people more honest and open. If we talked about the event of illness and death wouldn't that make it easier to deal with when that time comes. Death is not an IF, it’s a WHEN.

If you are considering emigrating have the 'death' talk early, in fact have many death talks. Maybe you are a person who will not be able to cope with being away in the event of family illness, accident and/or death, if that is the case then emigrating may not be for you.

If you are able to talk it through and can accept that you may not be close by, or in a position to jump on a plane, but that’s OK because things that needed to be said and done, have been said and done, and it’s OK for you to be somewhere else when these life events (inevitably) happen then you can leave comfortably.

I have never understood peoples need to fly, at a moment’s notice, even when it means putting their family into debt, to a funeral – they are dead , dead people can't see you, they don’t know, or care, if you are there.

Why not ask the questions while a person(s) is still living, for example - ‘when you die (especially if it’s not long after we have left) do you want/expect us to fly back for your funeral’ and talk through the various possibilities.

Surely talking, planning and thinking about future events (both the expected and predictable, and the less expected and predictable) in advance would make things easier for everyone.

**Toomers** · 26-11-2010, 01:27 PM

Originally Posted by One Hour Photo

Are we living in a generation that has lost its grip on reality. People DIE - there you are I said it - people die.

If you ever get the chance to talk to people who lived through WW11 (no-one around now who remembers WW1) they faced the death of those close to them very differently. They dealt with death, and other events, (being bombed every night for weeks, months and years) with a strength and stoicism we lack today.

Most of us will live to see our grandparents die, most of us will live to see our parents die, a few of us will see our children die.

I have read threads on here that refer to the death of someone’s elderly parent as a 'tragedy' 'a terrible time' etc. surely it’s a (predictable) life event.

Why aren't people more honest and open. If we talked about the event of illness and death wouldn't that make it easier to deal with when that time comes. Death is not an IF, it’s a WHEN.

If you are considering emigrating have the 'death' talk early, in fact have many death talks. Maybe you are a person who will not be able to cope with being away in the event of family illness, accident and/or death, if that is the case then emigrating may not be for you.

If you are able to talk it through and can accept that you may not be close by, or in a position to jump on a plane, but that’s OK because things that needed to be said and done, have been said and done, and it’s OK for you to be somewhere else when these life events (inevitably) happen then you can leave comfortably.

I have never understood peoples need to fly, at a moment’s notice, even when it means putting their family into debt, to a funeral – they are dead , dead people can't see you, they don’t know, or care, if you are there.

Why not ask the questions while a person(s) is still living, for example - ‘when you die (especially if it’s not long after we have left) do you want/expect us to fly back for your funeral’ and talk through the various possibilities.

Surely talking, planning and thinking about future events (both the expected and predictable, and the less expected and predictable) in advance would make things easier for everyone.

This is a very honest and direct opinion of which I am in total agreement. I would add to the OP to think back to when this journey started, how did your Dad feel about your exciting plans to move to Oz and start a fantastic new life? how would he feel now that his inevitable death has put an end to your dreams?

I feel for you and hope you find peace with your desision, me personally I told my parents that I am not going to wait for them to die until I start to live my life... being my parents they understand and support my goals...

Validate your visa, go and give it a go in Oz... if you CANT be away from family, friends ect then come back... you have nothing to lose..

I wish you luck.

**guest32487** · 26-11-2010, 01:30 PM

Originally Posted by One Hour Photo

I have never understood peoples need to fly, at a moment’s notice, even when it means putting their family into debt, to a funeral – they are dead , dead people can't see you, they don’t know, or care, if you are there.

Some go back to give support to the rest of the bereaved family and friends - who are still alive...