We have had three children since we got here and i know that we will not be able to afford flights home for holidays in the future once we start paying for three sets of school fees!
I have missed home for the whole time i have lived here but i am in absolute turmoil in trying to remain positive with our return home. The thought of starting again..finding a decent rental, jobs, schools etc nearly scares me enough to not go. If it fails i know my husband will blame me and of course i will blame myself too, for being selfish and wanting to go home.
We will have nowhere to stay when we go back so we will have to stay in a travel lodge or something until we can find a rental and that on its own makes me feel so guilty. We have a nice house here with a lovely garden for the children.
Sometimes it feels all too much and i feel like giving in, admitting defeat and just staying here and putting up with living here. Even though i have never settled here and ended up pretty depressed last year because of the constant living in limbo state we are in.
My family would love us to come home but they have no room to put us up (found this pretty disappointing when i asked i have to say) and they have all moved on with their lives so i worry that there won't be a place for us there either.
Gosh, what a mess, i wish i could wave a magic wand and transport us back to the UK with a happy husband, good job, nice house etc
Mind you for all his grumpiness about going, he has got a skype interview with a company tonight without really trying very hard and i have been offered a job with my old company should i want to work, (have young baby so bit hard at the mo)!
Anyway, sorry for whining on, i don't have anyone to talk to about it and it just goes around and around my head all day long.
Think we have to stick to the plan and go home and take the chance that it will all work out ok!!
Thanks for listening.