Guest totallylostintranslation Posted June 29, 2009 Share Posted June 29, 2009 Ok, this will be a tad long however hope some of you can understand my situation.... im 31, moved to sydney in mid 2003 with my GF. she is an aussie who i meet in london. after 2.5yrs with me in london (4.5 for her althogether) she fancied a move back to syd where her family are, well i wanted to go more; prob 60/40! anyway, got my defacto visa very easily, moved there, ending up getting good jobs, good money, owned property, got a cat, got a car, made some friends etc etc.... thing is that after being there 12mths my GF wanted to go back to London whereas i really liked it in syd/oz. perhaps cos it was so far away from where im from helped too. her parents are from europe and she spent a fair bit of time on holiday in europe as a kid and has never felt that close to australia apart from the fact most of her family live there. im not close to family at all; before we came back to london 4mths ago i had only spoken to my parents twice in 2yrs and have only seen them once since i got back. not one of my family came over to see me in 6 yrs (btw - im now an aussie citizen)..... so my GF stuck it out in syd with my for 6 long yrs which considering she didn't like it there after 1yr was v.v.good off her! she wanted me to get my aussie citizenship (as did i as im sure we will retire there one day) as i said i would always return the favour and get her, her uk citizenship (she has another 2.9 yrs to go to get it) as she cant get a euro visa thru her parents, long story! in other words, im stuck here until 2012. fingers crossed we will move on in 2012 to somewhere else, perhaps asia or middle east to work. my GF thinks london is ok (we do have good friends here, some aussie, some british however most of the aussie's are all moving back therhome after bagging a brit bloke!! ironic as we have mobed in the other direction) and would happily move in 2012 however has also hinted that she may move back to sydney sooner and waive her right to get uk citizenship if im really that unhappy however i couldn't ever do that as i know if we go back to oz then there will be heaps of problems as she will get fed up there within 3mths and we would have spend a fortune on yet another move not to mention losing her uk visa, arghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!! so, basically i have to stick it out until mid-2012. thing is that i really miss my life in sydney even though i didn't really do much, i still miss what i had, e.g. - nice house, nice car, good well paid job that i knew back to front and best of all, not being in scumy london. prob was that my GF didn't work for the last few years we were there as i earnt good money so she didn't have to where as now back in the uk, she works and i dont. i now find myself locked in the house all day not wanting to leave it whilst my GF is at work........... i hate waking up and hate my boring day trapped in london. sounds good not having to work (we have some savings etc) but im so depressed being here. have started to drink more (with awful hangovers!) and even put on weight etc however dont know what to do..... i cant place my finger on it however i think that the uk has gone down hill SOOOOO much since i left 6yrs ago. the kids, the lack of respect, the crime, the filth, the gov - all just awful. i cant see why anyone would want to come here unless they had money and could live in a lovely village in cornwall or devon etc!! i dont care abt things like weather etc, doesnt bother me if its 5c or 30c wet or dry (30c today in london!). i totally understand there is more to live than beaches, sun and barbies however just wanna be back in oz, or perhaps i just wanna be anyway but the uk/london - really very confused however perhaps i should make the most of the next 2.5 yrs and get over it.....??!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Quoll Posted June 29, 2009 Share Posted June 29, 2009 Oh dear, I can relate except in reverse - 30 years for me stuck in a place I really dont want to be in. I guess you have had your time and your partner suffered and now you are giving it back for your partner - fair's fair I guess but I know it isnt easy if you arent where you want to be. Perhaps you could get a job and get out there, it will make life easier. I know just what you mean about waking up every morning almost in tears and thinking OMG I am still here! I have a job and that gets me out of bed every day otherwise I would probably not bother. Another thing you could try is to get out of London if you hate it so much and try somewhere else in UK - it's a big place - until your partner gets her citizenship. You could also go and chat to your GP, if you are clinically depressed then there are things s/he can do to help. At the end of the day you two are going to have to work out where you want to be because it is quite possible that you wont want the same things - mixed marriages can be the very devil although usually it is the Aussie who wants to stay in Aus and not the other way around! At least you have an end date on your depression, some of us are stuck forever - just count off the days and keep busy in the meantime. Good luck! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Impatient Posted June 29, 2009 Share Posted June 29, 2009 Chap, what an awesome commitment both ways, you must be a really tight couple to make the sacrifices you have/are both making for each other. I suppose the question is'can you put up with it for another 2/3 years?' Only you can answer that (we are not much help on here are we?), but what has helped for me was to always have a clear idea of the future to work on and toward - to take control of the future rather than dwell in the deeply unsatisfying present. You know that the day after girlfriend gets her visa that you can both go somewhere else. Start planning for it now and have a dream to work towards. Maybe that could be 6 mths off work to do something (travel, volunteer, whatever), does not matter, just have a plan. It can be quite fun working out your plan, requiring lots of wine and big bits of paper and thoughts about your futures together. Secondly, don't forget to live for the moment. You must not wish your life away, but get on with it, enjoying the positives and putting up with the rest. Don't blow your savings, go and get a job (not that easy, I know) and put something away for your future. Take control of who you want to be. Good luck Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest John Locke Posted June 29, 2009 Share Posted June 29, 2009 Yeah, I can relate though in reverse...I hate waking up to another boring day trapped in Oz, not wanting to leave the house some days! And to be honest, I think I`d give my right arm to be in London at this moment. But seriously, you sound like you have depression and you should see your GP...I spent years thinking it would just go away without help and that I would just 'get over it', at least then you may see a glimmer of light during your time in the U.K and sift out the positives and make the most of it!! My family and friends lives just outside London, btw, average areas, average houses etc and their lives in the U.K are far from awful. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest 0405delboy Posted June 29, 2009 Share Posted June 29, 2009 Yeah, I can relate though in reverse...I hate waking up to another boring day trapped in Oz, not wanting to leave the house some days! And to be honest, I think I`d give my right arm to be in London at this moment. But seriously, you sound like you have depression and you should see your GP...I spent years thinking it would just go away without help and that I would just 'get over it', at least then you may see a glimmer of light during your time in the U.K and sift out the positives and make the most of it!! My family and friends lives just outside London, btw, average areas, average houses etc and their lives in the U.K are far from awful. Same here! My Mum sent me a Time Out magazine and it depresses me. 150 pages of things going on in London in the space of one week and here I am scratching my nuts for something to do in Adelaide. :unsure: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest totallylostintranslation Posted June 29, 2009 Share Posted June 29, 2009 thanks for your replies peoples! nice to 'speak' (as it were) to people who understand. funny how life goes, what with some of you trapped in oz and wanting to come back here! guess we always want what we can't have! i guess at least i was in syd and not canberra or adelaide (i've been to both cities or should i say "country town" so i do feel for ya!).... guess i had a pretty crap childhood here in london and perhaps being in oz is/was a way that i can forget about it - who knows.... i'm sure there are more reasons for wanting to be in oz than that but just saying! good news is that we are infact planning to move outside of london (somewhere rural) when our rental agreement runs out shortly. my other half is a teacher so she we can go pretty much anyway; not sure what i will do however although im sure something will turn up. not too worried abt earning much less than i did in syd as one thing i've learnt from life (thus far!) is that money really isnt everything, seriously i mean it.....! cheers..... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest John Locke Posted June 29, 2009 Share Posted June 29, 2009 guess i had a pretty crap childhood here in london and perhaps being in oz is/was a way that i can forget about it - who knows.... i'm sure there are more reasons for wanting to be in oz than that but just saying! Or maybe you just prefer Oz to the U.K, nothing wrong with that (plenty of people on here who do!!!). I went back to the U.K after 7 yrs and admittedly loved it, felt totally in my element and didn`t feel as if things had changed that much...but, coming from a city like Sydney, that I see as clean and modern and not over-crowded, I can understand how London can be viewed in a less than flattering light, if you know what I mean...get out there! Enjoy it until you move on again... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest John Locke Posted June 29, 2009 Share Posted June 29, 2009 Same here! My Mum sent me a Time Out magazine and it depresses me. 150 pages of things going on in London in the space of one week and here I am scratching my nuts for something to do in Adelaide. :unsure: Lol, I live in a town that doesn`t even make the map...! When all the neighbourhood dogs start barking in chorus is as exciting as it gets..! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest fairground Posted June 29, 2009 Share Posted June 29, 2009 [quote Or maybe you just prefer Oz to the U.K, nothing wrong with that (plenty of people on here who do!!!). I went back to the U.K after 7 yrs and admittedly loved it, felt totally in my element and didn`t feel as if things had changed that much...but, coming from a city like Sydney, that I see as clean and modern and not over-crowded, I can understand how London can be viewed in a less than flattering light, if you know what I mean...get out there! Enjoy it until you move on again... Nice balanced comments as usual from you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest 0405delboy Posted June 29, 2009 Share Posted June 29, 2009 Lol, I live in a town that doesn`t even make the map...! When all the neighbourhood dogs start barking in chorus is as exciting as it gets..! :biglaugh: Youve given me a laugh. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Quoll Posted June 29, 2009 Share Posted June 29, 2009 Lol, I live in a town that doesn`t even make the map...! When all the neighbourhood dogs start barking in chorus is as exciting as it gets..! OMG, dont live in Delegate do you? I think that may be the highlight there too - apart from the weekly meat raffle of course! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest John Locke Posted June 30, 2009 Share Posted June 30, 2009 OMG, dont live in Delegate do you? I think that may be the highlight there too - apart from the weekly meat raffle of course! No, Quoll, not Delegate, but I`m sure that place looks...feels...is...exactly the same as this town, so it might as well be...:SLEEP: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest totallylostintranslation Posted June 30, 2009 Share Posted June 30, 2009 where an earth is quoll as cant find it on www anywhere!! how did you end up here then??! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest John Locke Posted June 30, 2009 Share Posted June 30, 2009 where an earth is quoll as cant find it on www anywhere!! how did you end up here then??! lol. I don`t live in Quoll, I was 'talking' to the member 'Quoll' in my response.....and I`m not really here, it`s all just a bad dream... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Quoll Posted June 30, 2009 Share Posted June 30, 2009 where an earth is quoll as cant find it on www anywhere!! how did you end up here then??! LOL you may be lucky and find Delegate though - you wouldnt want to live there, not unless you have a serious masochistic streak:arghh: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest happy wanderer Posted July 14, 2009 Share Posted July 14, 2009 Mate- your situation is exactly like mine. I am relieved that I am not the only one. Wife and I were in London for 2 years and arrived back to OZ in 07. Really missing London and am feeling depressed. Have some good friends still over there and I feel as if I am missing out but my wife wants to settle down, have kids etc. I just get through each day as it comes and we are planning to go back over for a holiday next year. Could you guys plan to head back to Sydney for a break or a work exchange for 6months or so. Funny the things we miss mate - you miss the lifestyle, weather, beaches of Sydney - I miss the buzz, smoky pubs, history and the villages of England. Hope it all works out mate but wanted to let you know you have found a kindred spirit in reverse. Try and keep yourself busy so you don't have too much time to think about it - hit gym, go for a run etc. Stay strong - good song to listen to which I find picks me up is John Butler Trio 'Better than'. Take Care. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Poca&Dan Posted August 6, 2009 Share Posted August 6, 2009 Same here! My Mum sent me a Time Out magazine and it depresses me. 150 pages of things going on in London in the space of one week and here I am scratching my nuts for something to do in Adelaide. :unsure: Apparently Adelaide has the highest percentage of OAP's!!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Aldo Posted August 6, 2009 Share Posted August 6, 2009 Apparently Adelaide has the highest percentage of OAP's!!!! Hope pablo likes grab-a-granny nights :biglaugh: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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