kiwiathome Posted November 12, 2015 Share Posted November 12, 2015 I have had a long break from this forum. Ready to come back now because I feel more confident and more honest. Cut long story short, kiwi, much travelled, married to airline pilot, numerous "circumstance disasters", but nutshell I can't stand Australia. Now I know a few of you (if not many) will go, Oh Oh Australia, how can you say that etc.!!! I can say it very easily, I hate Australia..! Hence, I am finally moving my family. In a complicated way, but our family comes first over fighting over what country we live in. Until you gain clarity and confidence, it can seem blurred. I have lived here for 8 years, and hate it every year that goes on. But, I needed to empower myself and feel what I had to say was wothwile after loosing myself here. In our time here I have gone through the Ipswich floods, a burglary, a cyclone, loosing quarter a million dollars in an investment, my sister. My mum has been through cancer twice. All the while in a place I could not stand to live in. And before you judge, I have lived in many countries. I just don't like it here. If you do like it here, good for you. We have now reached a compromise, buying a two bedroom apartment here, that my hubby will commute back in forth, while I go back to NZ with my daughters, and well all go back and forth and best we can be. I want to spend time with my 3 aging grandparents in NZ, and in 6 years time when youngest has finished high school, and likely all our 3 older granparents are up in the happy place, we'll go back to England. We love England. Our eldest daughter was born there and it was the happiest place we ever lived. So, what I am saying is. Listen first to your gut instinct. If you really hate living in a place, no matter how many years go by, you are likely never to feel happy there. Next, you do have to look around you and consider others. Come up with a compromise. Families can do certain arraingements, and work towards a common goal. May be healthier than never moving on or giving up. Have a plan, no matter how long. We are leaving for NZ soon, then in 6 years back to England. Seems long maybe in writing, but to us if finally close, suits all, and is clarity and happiness all round. I studied while unhappy here in Aus, and I have now completed my course. Try and find something positive while waiting. And put your plan in place. And great to all who like it here. I am not one of you, but we do not take each other down. All human, all need support. :wink: ' Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Huggy75 Posted November 12, 2015 Share Posted November 12, 2015 Good to hear from you again Kiwinaus, you sound very positive about your move(s), good luck with your new 5-year plan (or in your case 6-year!). Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JockinTas Posted November 12, 2015 Share Posted November 12, 2015 I have had a long break from this forum. Ready to come back now because I feel more confident and more honest. Cut long story short, kiwi, much travelled, married to airline pilot, numerous "circumstance disasters", but nutshell I can't stand Australia. Now I know a few of you (if not many) will go, Oh Oh Australia, how can you say that etc.!!! I can say it very easily, I hate Australia..! Hence, I am finally moving my family. In a complicated way, but our family comes first over fighting over what country we live in. Until you gain clarity and confidence, it can seem blurred. I have lived here for 8 years, and hate it every year that goes on. But, I needed to empower myself and feel what I had to say was wothwile after loosing myself here. In our time here I have gone through the Ipswich floods, a burglary, a cyclone, loosing quarter a million dollars in an investment, my sister. My mum has been through cancer twice. All the while in a place I could not stand to live in. And before you judge, I have lived in many countries. I just don't like it here. If you do like it here, good for you. We have now reached a compromise, buying a two bedroom apartment here, that my hubby will commute back in forth, while I go back to NZ with my daughters, and well all go back and forth and best we can be. I want to spend time with my 3 aging grandparents in NZ, and in 6 years time when youngest has finished high school, and likely all our 3 older granparents are up in the happy place, we'll go back to England. We love England. Our eldest daughter was born there and it was the happiest place we ever lived. So, what I am saying is. Listen first to your gut instinct. If you really hate living in a place, no matter how many years go by, you are likely never to feel happy there. Next, you do have to look around you and consider others. Come up with a compromise. Families can do certain arraingements, and work towards a common goal. May be healthier than never moving on or giving up. Have a plan, no matter how long. We are leaving for NZ soon, then in 6 years back to England. Seems long maybe in writing, but to us if finally close, suits all, and is clarity and happiness all round. I studied while unhappy here in Aus, and I have now completed my course. Try and find something positive while waiting. And put your plan in place. And great to all who like it here. I am not one of you, but we do not take each other down. All human, all need support. :wink: ' Australia isn't for everybody that's for sure and you deserve peace and happiness in a place where you want to be. Best wishes Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bristolman Posted November 12, 2015 Share Posted November 12, 2015 A good honest post. Don't worry there are plenty of people who 'hate' Australia just as they do any other country. There does seem to be this feeling amongst some that Australia is a paradise where you would have to be mentally ill to dislike it. I grew up there and love many aspects of it. My wife has less love for the country to be honest, it was never her home and never will be. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ali Posted November 12, 2015 Share Posted November 12, 2015 I'm glad you're back and a little close to your goal. Remember, there are many of us on the forum who whilst we love living in Aus, can and do offer support to those returning and appreciate that everyone is different and their live choices and journeys are their own. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kiwiathome Posted November 12, 2015 Author Share Posted November 12, 2015 Oh thank you, that is nice to be immediately felt welcomed agian. I appreciate it. At times, this post was almost my only friend who listened to me when I kept saying I was unhappy. I am a naturally social person, I just have not been able to make friends here in Australia. But I have studied, I have re gained confidence, I am going back to NZ to care for 3 aging parents, and then back to UK. And I wont wish Australia any "ill willing" on way out. I just think when you are ready, and find some calm, and look deep inside, and stop worrying how others judge you, you know deep down what you want. You have to be healthy and strong within yourself to see beyond others judgement. I have read the posts, and seen the dilemmas of others. Just be still, calm down, and listen to want you really want. Good luck to those who are not sure where to live. It will eventually work out if you listen hard enough. xxx Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Marisawright Posted November 12, 2015 Share Posted November 12, 2015 A good tip to find something useful to do while you're "stuck". We're not happy in the UK but for various reasons will be sticking it out till some time next year. In the meantime, we're focussing on taking our ballroom dancing to the next level, and I'm working on my fitness at the gym. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bunbury61 Posted November 12, 2015 Share Posted November 12, 2015 I have had a long break from this forum. Ready to come back now because I feel more confident and more honest. Cut long story short, kiwi, much travelled, married to airline pilot, numerous "circumstance disasters", but nutshell I can't stand Australia. Now I know a few of you (if not many) will go, Oh Oh Australia, how can you say that etc.!!! I can say it very easily, I hate Australia..! Hence, I am finally moving my family. In a complicated way, but our family comes first over fighting over what country we live in. Until you gain clarity and confidence, it can seem blurred. I have lived here for 8 years, and hate it every year that goes on. But, I needed to empower myself and feel what I had to say was wothwile after loosing myself here. In our time here I have gone through the Ipswich floods, a burglary, a cyclone, loosing quarter a million dollars in an investment, my sister. My mum has been through cancer twice. All the while in a place I could not stand to live in. And before you judge, I have lived in many countries. I just don't like it here. If you do like it here, good for you. We have now reached a compromise, buying a two bedroom apartment here, that my hubby will commute back in forth, while I go back to NZ with my daughters, and well all go back and forth and best we can be. I want to spend time with my 3 aging grandparents in NZ, and in 6 years time when youngest has finished high school, and likely all our 3 older granparents are up in the happy place, we'll go back to England. We love England. Our eldest daughter was born there and it was the happiest place we ever lived. So, what I am saying is. Listen first to your gut instinct. If you really hate living in a place, no matter how many years go by, you are likely never to feel happy there. Next, you do have to look around you and consider others. Come up with a compromise. Families can do certain arraingements, and work towards a common goal. May be healthier than never moving on or giving up. Have a plan, no matter how long. We are leaving for NZ soon, then in 6 years back to England. Seems long maybe in writing, but to us if finally close, suits all, and is clarity and happiness all round. I studied while unhappy here in Aus, and I have now completed my course. Try and find something positive while waiting. And put your plan in place. And great to all who like it here. I am not one of you, but we do not take each other down. All human, all need support. :wink: ' Good for you kiwi ...good to get it off your chest . Personally ,I don't love England ,certainly not all of it . There's parts I cant stand ...bloody traffic for one . But the bits I do love ,are unique ,and cannot be replicated . Choose wisely Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kasisalo Posted November 13, 2015 Share Posted November 13, 2015 (edited) This is exactly what I am doing, been here nearly three years, I dont feel any different, I dont want to waste anymore time thinking that mayby if this or if that and things could get better, I know it wont, I will have 2 older kids staying, and a husband flitting back and forth from perth to uk, i myself have decided to go back to the UK, and come back a couple of times a year to visit the my daughters. Having my family spit up at opposite sides of the world was not how i expected it, but Im not happy here, and i have tried and have met some lovely people, but its not for me, I actually loved my life in England, lived near the Lake District, miss places like that, miss family and friends, came here for my girls, they have settled and love it, so its all been worth it for them. They are ok with me going home, life is too short to keep pleasing others. I think I need to keep busy till then cos i feel like a kid waiting for christmas day, i want it now. Good luck Kiwinaus:smile: Edited November 13, 2015 by kasisalo Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
amibovered Posted November 13, 2015 Share Posted November 13, 2015 Well done Kiwi, you've battled through the tough times and now things are looking much better for you, I'm sure you must be looking forward to moving on to the next chapter in your life. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kiwiathome Posted November 13, 2015 Author Share Posted November 13, 2015 Thank you that v nice. I read Daffodil post, and I felt sorry for her and sad. Because i think she got a hard time, and some were not very nice. We can all grow in what we think, through study or life experience etc, but your own opinion or judgement is your own. You cant or dont know what someone else is going through unless you specifically ask or know. She asked for help becuase she was unhappy, yet she still defended her husband. And some gave a hard time. She was brave to come on and bare her soul. Help each other, and when you need your own help, ask for it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kasisalo Posted November 13, 2015 Share Posted November 13, 2015 (edited) Thank you that v nice. I read Daffodil post, and I felt sorry for her and sad. Because i think she got a hard time, and some were not very nice. We can all grow in what we think, through study or life experience etc, but your own opinion or judgement is your own. You cant or dont know what someone else is going through unless you specifically ask or know. She asked for help becuase she was unhappy, yet she still defended her husband. And some gave a hard time. She was brave to come on and bare her soul. Help each other, and when you need your own help, ask for it. Yeah, i felt sorry for her, and felt a few comments were a bit harsh, she sounds like a loving mother and wife, and some comments from less understanding people probably made her feel worse than she already does Edited November 14, 2015 by calNgary fixed quote Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bristolman Posted November 13, 2015 Share Posted November 13, 2015 Yeah, i felt sorry for her, and felt a few comments were a bit harsh, she sounds like a loving mother and wife, and some comments from less understanding people probably made her feel worse than she already does Yeah welcome to PIO unfortunately. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kiwiathome Posted November 13, 2015 Author Share Posted November 13, 2015 If people keep coming back, no matter what, some good is always given out, huh!:wubclub: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
speakeasy Posted November 14, 2015 Share Posted November 14, 2015 Wow. Your life seems complicated. I'm not sure you'll be able to escape hurdles by moving another two times though... Did you try to get counseling for any of these traumas? Or are you just going to walk around hating a whole country? If these things had happened to you in England would you come to these same conclusions? Or are disasters only possible in Australia? I think you need a better perspective on your life personally, but I can understand if you want to go home if it is a proven place where nothing can go wrong. But some of what happens to us is our own fault too. I hope you know England experiences floods too. And NZ suffers earthquakes. And people pass away no matter how much we love them. Take care. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Quoll Posted November 14, 2015 Share Posted November 14, 2015 Good for you Kiwi! I get where you're coming from! Absolutely nothing wrong with finding you don't like Australia! I certainly came to hate it whilst I was trapped there and can look upon returning without throwing up nowadays but it will never be "home" no matter what. People first I reckon, then money, then stuff (to quote Suze Orman) and also to quote another remarkable young Kiwi who, faced with terminal cancer, gave his senior monitor's speech at Christchurch the other day "now here's the thing, none of us gets out of life alive" so make every day count, doing your best with today! Sounds like you are doing that so good on you! Hope it all goes well! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kiwiathome Posted November 14, 2015 Author Share Posted November 14, 2015 speakeasy, I found your reply genuniely quite surprising! My life is very complicated, isn't everyone's?? I am naturally what some might calll a "blabber", what is in my head, is out my mouth! Maybe this is what always saved me. :wink: I think it is quite healthy to talk, even if it is via a forum because you encounter not much communication in a country that you are not enjoying living in, and for some, like me, socially very not accomodating.! I am not escaping. I am being quite rational about I have lived in a country for 8 years, that has given me very little back and I do not like. I have lived in many other countries, liked them all. So there goes your first theory, blown. Yes, I have had some recent counselling. I don't walk around hating all of Australia. I actually said to my family, I think counselling would have been good for our whole family back when I was younger. So lets turn the table. How are you??? you come across as quite attacking and aggresive. If you feel you need to talk, there is many on here who are supportive. Especially when you do not have many people to talk too. And as you have no idea about anything to do with me, my past, my present etc a slightly more softer, slower and "humerous" approach perhaps is always best before attacking. So, I am fine thank you. Same back to you. Take care.:wubclub: I am actually moving forward to a better situation for not only me, but for all off my family. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jacaranda Posted November 14, 2015 Share Posted November 14, 2015 Only you,and you alone knows whats best for you and your family Kiwi! I got quite a lot of flack from people (Not on PIO I might add)when I decided to spend a 3 mth career break away from my OH last year from the UK to Oz.People sharing their "opinions"and stating "No way could I spend that amount of time away from my OH" to "Oh god my OH would never allow me to do that"?Who really cares what other people think! No one was in my shoes,and it was the best thing I ever did because whilst I was there my Mum passed away suddenly and unexpectedly! Those people then shared their "opinions"when I got back and said "Thank god you went and you were there spending time with your Mum"!:arghh:You've obviously spent a lot of time discussing these plans with your family,and I'd like to wish you the best of luck and best wishes for a brighter happier future! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kiwiathome Posted November 14, 2015 Author Share Posted November 14, 2015 Oh Jacaranda, exactly! Does anyone know what really is going on in somebody's life before they pass judgement?? I think enquiring first, then tentative support, then opinions. I am soooo sorry for what you went through. And to be judged. And when I joined this forum, my first, my only, because I prefer "dinner parties" (could not find any here in OZ!), I did not have many people to talk to or listen. You did sooo the right thing as you know. And gut instinct for us intuitive females is a wonderful thing. We don't set out to find wrong, or put our partners down, it is more saying, I am a person, this is not working and what can we work out. Rather than looking to blame or give up, we recognise differences and find ways to become stronger, then re support each other. Who cares a toss if women, and men or dads, want to come on and just talk about anything. And leave judgement at the door! I have studied since being here, and I am feeling strong. Anyone should be able to say anyting on here, and ask for help, and not be judged. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rachel Tilley Posted November 14, 2015 Share Posted November 14, 2015 I think it is quite healthy to talk, even if it is via a forum because you encounter not much communication in a country that you are not enjoying living in, and for some, like me, socially very not accomodating.! This is so true. I wish I'd had a forum for support like this when I was trapped in Oz. I think back then they were just setting up, but certainly not so common or supportive as they are today. I remember trying to make friends, going to play groups, indoor play areas, being invited to other's houses by mums I'd recently met etc, trying to fit in and find a little life for myself to escape the misery at home, but to no avail. What I didn't really realise was that I was bringing negativity to everything I went to. When people would ask me "how are you settling in?" I'd tell them "not very well actually, I want to go home," or I'd have to lie! You can only put on a brave face and pretend everything is okay for so long. You can only defend your other half with a pack of lies for so long. To be honest, I wasn't great company for anyone - I was a foreigner in Oz in a damn miserable and difficult situation - someone to be avoided at all costs as a potential friend if they wanted someone full of fun and excitement to join their group! It's hard to make a life for yourself when your other half doesn't want you to. It's hard to find new friends when your other half refuses to attend events as part of a couple and you have to decline invitations to places or you can't invite new friends to your home for dinner or drinks because your other half doesn't want to meet new people. It's hard to go out and find new friends and new interests by yourself when you have no support network and your other half refuses to look after his own child so that you can go out. Who wants a girls night out with friends with a child in tow?! In order to pursue being 'yourself' you need support and consent from your other half to do that, and if you haven't got that support and consent then you simply cannot do it, it's too difficult. So I have full sympathy for the people who say they hate Australia and want to go home - want to go home to where they can have a life of their own, where they can be themselves, pursue their own hobbies and interests and friendship groups, where they can get time off from being a parent because other family members will help look after the children. It may not be Australia they hate, they could be living in any other foreign country that is not their home, but it doesn't matter where in the world you live, if your personal family circumstances are not good then it's likely you will be unhappy there. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Freckleface Posted November 14, 2015 Share Posted November 14, 2015 Glad to hear you have a plan Kiwi. I sincerely hope you find the happiness you are searching for. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Imapla Posted November 14, 2015 Share Posted November 14, 2015 Hi - its good to have a plan in place but in the meantime you need to find some nice things to do - have you thought about joining a choir - I did that and I met some lovely people - including a lovely Kiwi lady - you don't have to be a great singer (if you're bad you can sing quietly!!) but it is so uplifting to sit in a room of 30-40 people and hear how the conductor can get harmonies going and make a beautiful noise from a load of strangers. There are lots of choirs setting up nowadays - many of them part of a national network - it is the sort of thing you can go along to on your own and you will be welcomed. At the very least you will come away with the songs in your head which will replace (even if only for a short while) the monkey chatterings that many of us on this forum have going on inside!! You will have to put yourself outside your comfort zone initially but you may find it was worth the effort and it cannot help but bring a smile to your face Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
speakeasy Posted November 14, 2015 Share Posted November 14, 2015 speakeasy, I found your reply genuniely quite surprising! My life is very complicated, isn't everyone's?? I am naturally what some might calll a "blabber", what is in my head, is out my mouth! Maybe this is what always saved me. :wink: I think it is quite healthy to talk, even if it is via a forum because you encounter not much communication in a country that you are not enjoying living in, and for some, like me, socially very not accomodating.! I am not escaping. I am being quite rational about I have lived in a country for 8 years, that has given me very little back and I do not like. I have lived in many other countries, liked them all. So there goes your first theory, blown. Yes, I have had some recent counselling. I don't walk around hating all of Australia. I actually said to my family, I think counselling would have been good for our whole family back when I was younger. So lets turn the table. How are you??? you come across as quite attacking and aggresive. If you feel you need to talk, there is many on here who are supportive. Especially when you do not have many people to talk too. And as you have no idea about anything to do with me, my past, my present etc a slightly more softer, slower and "humerous" approach perhaps is always best before attacking. So, I am fine thank you. Same back to you. Take care.:wubclub: I am actually moving forward to a better situation for not only me, but for all off my family. No my life is not complicated. I made a decision years ago to keep It simple. So far so good. You can ask me how I am and I would say really good. But this thread was about you and objectively, I made a few observations. I came across as someone who is wondering how this country in particular can be attributed to y he kinds of problems you experienced. I get it that you don't feel supported here. I get that noone can change the way you feel. Sorry i expressed an opinion about it. I come from a family of migrants and only see how they have positively adapted. I wish the same for any one who comes here but somehow I see all these struggles withe English community. Having lived there for eight years I only try to recall what It is in their general disposition that may make that harder for them. Obviously those failed migrants question the disposition of Australians In the same way. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bristolman Posted November 14, 2015 Share Posted November 14, 2015 No my life is not complicated. I made a decision years ago to keep It simple. So far so good. You can ask me how I am and I would say really good. But this thread was about you and objectively, I made a few observations. I came across as someone who is wondering how this country in particular can be attributed to y he kinds of problems you experienced. I get it that you don't feel supported here. I get that noone can change the way you feel. Sorry i expressed an opinion about it. I come from a family of migrants and only see how they have positively adapted. I wish the same for any one who comes here but somehow I see all these struggles withe English community. Having lived there for eight years I only try to recall what It is in their general disposition that may make that harder for them. Obviously those failed migrants question the disposition of Australians In the same way. Struggles within the English community ? What ? There ae no failed migrants, there ae migrants that decided their new life isn't for them, that doesn't make them failed. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kiwiathome Posted November 15, 2015 Author Share Posted November 15, 2015 Nice to see you again bristolman. Speakeasy, I said what I said on this forum for a reason. Not to upset, but what I replied with a reasonable and genuine response. The good thing about this world, getting smaller, is that there are many countries for us to try, until we find the right fit. I don't "fit" to Australia, neither do my children or husband. He is committed for work. It is not personal, it is more, sooooo many countries, keep trying until you find what fits. Why not? Life is short. It has never been about taking others down for liking Australia. Why would I want to commit time,energy or dislike to others??? If they are happy in Australia and have found their fit, that is wonderful! I was a little confused by your post, and your post after. Why have you made a decision to make life simple??? You have been through circumstances to come out with a statement like that. If so, then that is your business and you should not be judged. And if you want to speak, you should be welcomed. This country has been responsible for some of the problems I have encountered. Not all. A lot have been circumstances outside my control. I am feeling very positive and excited, and I soooo appreciate so many things. Shouldn't we all? Especially after what happend in Paris? And yes I went through a close call in Ipswich with the floods, (hubby away) , then at Coes Creek with the cyclone and tornados, and house fires. I am not traumatised anymore (was), just more I know life can be fragile. So always go for what you want, and appreciate it. I do not completely understand your post, however you seem to be quite influenced by "the migrants" statement. You seem to have stuff to say, and I am sure many here wish to hear from you and support you, especially those that have your similar views or education on these matters. All the best. And we all know life is fragile huh, especially those who live in Europe or like to travel. RIP. What a sad time. x Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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