Sarahelle Posted October 17, 2014 Share Posted October 17, 2014 Has anyone made the move not because they wanted to leave Britain, but solely to be with their partner? I did, and was just wondering who else has. I anticipated that this would only be a short term plan, but here we are 4 years down the line and now it's very difficult for me to go home with an Oz partner (only UK ancestry are a great grandfather so no good there). We have made a life here, his family are here and we have our precious little girl but I still always thought we'd go back to Britain at some point. Now my DF is talking about us buying a house which I suppose we should but thinking about doing that just makes me feel even more trapped here. I've tried so hard to be happy but I still think about home all the time and the life we had there. We're finally planning to go home for a visit next Christmas after what will be 4 and a half years by then and I've got this horrible feeling that I'm going to have to be forced on the plane to come back here to Oz. Please understand I do not dislike Australia and am not bashing it at all, it's just not where I want to be. S xx Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lucharmily Posted October 17, 2014 Share Posted October 17, 2014 Has anyone made the move not because they wanted to leave Britain, but solely to be with their partner? I did, and was just wondering who else has. I anticipated that this would only be a short term plan, but here we are 4 years down the line and now it's very difficult for me to go home with an Oz partner (only UK ancestry are a great grandfather so no good there). We have made a life here, his family are here and we have our precious little girl but I still always thought we'd go back to Britain at some point. Now my DF is talking about us buying a house which I suppose we should but thinking about doing that just makes me feel even more trapped here. I've tried so hard to be happy but I still think about home all the time and the life we had there. We're finally planning to go home for a visit next Christmas after what will be 4 and a half years by then and I've got this horrible feeling that I'm going to have to be forced on the plane to come back here to Oz. Please understand I do not dislike Australia and am not bashing it at all, it's just not where I want to be. S xx Sorry to hear you're having a sad day. It's tough you can take the girl out of Britain but not Britain out of the girl. Have you spoken to your partner about how you feel? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest241083 Posted October 17, 2014 Share Posted October 17, 2014 .......sometimes we sacrifice for loved ones....! .......but be comfortable with your choices...... .......don't become a victim of circumstance..... .......voice your boundaries......expectations..... .......a union of two should be equal ...............if you feel forced there is always a danger of feeling bitter..... ........talk about you.....reach an agreement your ...both....happy with..... .......I wish you luck and happiness......tink X Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted October 17, 2014 Share Posted October 17, 2014 I feel for you. Difficult situation. I'm married to an Aussie and living in the UK for 8 years before moving here worked well for both of us. Thankfully he settled well there and loved his life, and I've done the same in Aus. However, the one thing I would say is that I would never have moved to Aus solely for him. I had to want to leave the UK and make the move for myself just as much, if not more than doing it because he wanted to. I actually was the one who inititally suggested it as I wanted our son to know his Aus family and heritage and also hubby had been gone a long time and I thought it was only fair if he wanted to that we spend some time here. I think married to or with someone from another country is always give and take, but making the move because of them is probably always going to mean you are never totally happy and perhaps never truly settle if its not where your heart lies or you only did it because of them. Some people are not cut out for migrating or living away from their loved ones long term, and those are also the ones who probably struggle the most as the migrating patner in a two nationality relationship. I freely admit to having no desire or interest to live long term in Australia before meeting hubby but its where he is from and so when we settled down and later got married, we made sure to openly talk about longer term plans and ideas and how we felt about things. I also knew having spent time here already that I could quite happily live here and have a good life. We looked at moving to the Netherlands before we considered Aus. We were both up for that but for one reason and another it didn't pan out. As it is I seem to settle well wherever I/we move to and this has been no different. Does your OH know how you feel? Is he prepared to move to the UK if you could manage it? Could you secure a job in advance to meet the criteria? If not now, in a year or two? I don't think its an impossible thing, just it needs proper research and planning and both of you happy to work toward it. Also are you ok with coming back to Aus to live at a later date? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jennifer Shields Posted October 17, 2014 Share Posted October 17, 2014 I understand how you feel.I am a career wife everywhere my husband works I move with him.Been all over the world . Now I am 53 yrs old been here 11 yrs 3 kids settled here 1 Son back home.Am I homesick yes do I want to go home...what home .No home in the u.k yes Son and a few family members but they have also moved on in their lifes.They would love to see us as a holiday.... I have never been home since we left. What I miss is what is in the past.... life changes. We are planning a 3 month holiday in 3 yrs time.We just sold our house in Oz and now traveling..we have no work available in the u.k. so where do we live in the retirement years!!! Advice save go on a holiday back home during the spring.Christmas is too emotional ...we all feel home sick. Have you made any pom friends who can understand what your missing and we are all here for you you are not alone.I know poms who are still homesick 40yrs later ... but the home they left is no longer home. Happy to chat any time you can find me on facebook too.If your local west Sydney pop over on our meet up night Tuesday 21st Taj of the Valley, Penrith high street at 7pm .Your not alone keep in touch with us all... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
grahamffc Posted October 17, 2014 Share Posted October 17, 2014 I wouldn't let a house worry you. I didn't buy a house before leaving the UK and really regret it now. Every other expat I've met seems to have one, renting easily covering the mortgage and increasing in value. I suppose it's complicated by your OH thinking it is finally putting roots down in oz, maybe you should suggest to your OH that you think it's a good idea to buy somewhere with good investment potential incase you all decide to go back. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Quoll Posted October 17, 2014 Share Posted October 17, 2014 If your house deposit could be the evidence of savings for a spouse visa then don't do it. Can you look at trying to get a job to put you over the threshold - your DH could be a short term house dad until the visa comes through. Would your folks be in a position to help you out with savings? TBH I wouldn't be blowing potential savings on a holiday no matter how much you want to go. Would he let you and your daughter go ahead so you can get a job established? in answer to your original question - yes I did go with the DH and it was a good idea at the time. I didn't get trapped until many years down the track when DH changed the goal posts but life has a funny way of sorting itself out and he is now back here with me (thank heavens for a UK born mother!). I don't know what to suggest for the trapped-ness other than some sense of compromise! Our agreement was that I stayed and he would earn enough to ensure that there was money for me to do a trip as and when I felt the need - having a date in the diary was always a positive. Otherwise, CBT helped me as I wore my big girl panties and got on with it. From being particularly slow on the uptake my DH got to appreciate the ups and downs I was going through by the length of my showers! I allowed myself cry time in the shower (bit of a bugger during a drought I can tell you!) and then put on the mask and got through the day. Hang in! If it's meant to happen it will happen! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted October 17, 2014 Share Posted October 17, 2014 I read your post earlier and had been thinking about how best to reply, I hadn't seen Quoll's reply and I was about to advise the complete opposite! I know it isn't about your OH not wanting to move to the UK but about not having the means to do so and I was thinking buying a house was a good idea as it is a forced investment that could easily increase in value by the £60k plus that you need in a couple of years. We built a house in 2010 and moved back in 2013 £60k better off - although at the time we decided to move back I really regretted having bought a house really it was the best thing we could have done. If you are going down that route I'd suggest buying a 'do-a-upperer' or building in an established suburb (not a new master-planned estate where prices tend to stagnate until there is no land left) as you will get a bigger return quicker that way, just be careful you don't take on a project that traps you for years! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Quoll Posted October 17, 2014 Share Posted October 17, 2014 LOL Lady R - I guess the thought of a do-er upper never entered my head but could be an idea. It took us 25 yrs to get around to doing up and I doubt the OP has that sort of time frame in mind! I was thinking more of an immediate deposit amount! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sarahelle Posted October 30, 2014 Author Share Posted October 30, 2014 Hey guys, thank you so much for all your responses and sorry it's taken me a while to get on here, you know what it's like with a 13 month old! When the moving to Oz thing originally came about, I was led to believe it would only be for a couple of years and it didn't occurr to me that it would take at least that long to get somewhere in a different country! It's been very difficult for us to get our heads above water here, especially with deciding to have a baby and now my DF has FINALLY been made permanent after contracting for 4 years, we have to build our savings up pretty much from scratch to make ourselves reasonably secure and then maybe have some sort of life. I kind of agree with you LR, I can see that us buying a house would bring us collateral but first we need the money. I can just see us being here for years before we can even think about moving back and life could be worse I guess so I will indeed have to put my big girl panties on and deal with it. I must say though, having our baby girl has just made me yearn for home so much more than I thought it would and I miss my friends, family and England every day and it's coming up to Christmas which is always tough. A trip back home is the best I can hope for right now and it's been so long since I've been back I couldn't pass it up. At least now DF has a good steady well paid job, we can begin to save and hopefully return one day. As wise Quoll said, if it's meant to happen it will happen, and who knows, maybe something will change the ridiculous immigration laws slightly for the better for us with non EU spouses. We live in hope. Sorry for this slightly rambly reply I really appreciate all your kind words. xxx Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Aunt Agatha Posted October 31, 2014 Share Posted October 31, 2014 Hi @Sarahelle I really feel for you. Most has been covered by other replies but I wanted to say don't feel trapped if you do buy a house. We bought a house here in 2006 and sold it in 2012 - we've been renting since and are moving back to the UK in 13 weeks! It really is just a house and hopefully some nice equity or rental income, buying one doesn't mean you are committed to living in it for the next 20 years. :-) Hopefully the financial side of things will improve and you can look at was of moving back. It isn't impossible, just takes some hard work and serious research. Hang in there x Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
starlight7 Posted October 31, 2014 Share Posted October 31, 2014 Things will definitely get better for you as your little one grows up, Sara- there will be all sorts of social things available for kinder, playgroups, schools etc and you won't have time to look back. Really. I think getting a house is not so bad a thing- at least you will have some equity whatever you decide down the track. Plus it is quite fun decorating a place to your taste! Looking after a little one is the hardest thing- quite isolating really and you sound like you are doing really well. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Join the conversation
You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.