Never under estimate the pull back

[Phil & Vikki]

Recently we have come to the realisation that what we had in the UK was not as bad as what we may have originally thought it was. We had a good life and a good house. The house was paid for and we had no worries with money. We had a few close friends, not loads, but enough. Family were close and the kids could see their grandparents in person. The kids were in good schools and there was money for the things that we needed/wanted. Oh yes and we could go to the doctors/hospital and not have to worry about private medical insurance or if it will be covered. On the whole, things were good for us, not super star great, but enough for us.

 

We decided to give Australia a go in the hope of a better life for us all, but mainly for the kids. Looking back on it, this was something that we needed to do at the time and we are glad that we have. No matter what happens, we can look back on it and say we gave it a go. We will also get the paperwork for the kids, so they can go where they want later on in life. So there are no regrets at all. It is only recently that we have started to feel a pull back to the UK. Parents are always asking the kids when they are coming back to visit and for us the thought of another warm Christmas in Oz, is not the one we want or are used to. For us (and this will not be the case for everyone) but Christmas should be cold, wrapping up to keep warm and feeling snug. So we are always thinking about ways to travel back on holiday.

 

Recently we have looked at moving and that is when you realise how on your own we are. For example, in the UK the grandparents would look after the kids on the day of the move and two mates would come around, one with a van to move things and help. Here we looked at it and there is literally no one to help at all. Little things like this put pressure on you and you then realise that there is a bit of a pull back to the UK.

 

Parents are not getting younger either and the more time spent out here means less time that can be spent with them, in what if we are realistic, is their later years. We are starting to think that possibly we would like to spend the time we/they have left with them, so we can pop around on a Saturday night, rather than just talking on the end of Skype or a phone. We do not want to be in the position later down the line where we say we wish we had of spent what time we had left with them before it was too late, rather than losing the chance.

 

On the whole, we have come to the realisation that there are lots of little things that act to pull you back. These things we totally overlooked back in the UK when we were making the decisions to come over here. If you have any doubts, please make sure you think of the little things too. It may not stop you from coming out here, but you will be aware of them rather than looking at the big things that you may miss.

[simmo]

Good advice! I bet your family in the UK will be over the moon that you are coming home.

Edited May 16, 2013 by simmo

[nicolac34]

Good advice Phil! Out of interest when did you move over?

 

We feel a pull back to England, but think that's more to do with the fact that the employment market for what we do sucks in Perth - we see all these 'perfect' jobs that we could do back there and here they barely recognise it as a career. We didn't come for a better lifestyle or for any kids, came because it seemed like a good idea at the time! Funny you should mention moving though, when we moved a couple of months ago we had loads of people turn up with their 4x4's and even a little Barina to help us move, and we'd only known them all a few months - all poms though!

 

We'll go back one day, although I expect it to be a virtually impossible decision to make as my parents are moving here to be nearer to us towards the end of the year and my brother and his wife already live here. So I'll be going back for a better job, cold weather and the in-laws.....hmmmm!

[simmo]

Do you think its a good idea to have your parents move to australia to be closer to you if you are not 100% certain that you will stay?

Tell me to mind my own business if you like..

[ginger]

Wha a great post, most of that has hit the nail on the head for me. We left to pursue a better life leaving behind family that were damn close to us.....after nearly 2 years here we are going to return. My son is coming up the his 3rd Oz birthday which makes you realise what our parents have missed out on.

We only came on a 457 visa but were thinking of going for PR but due to cost of living here, lack of pay increases etc....we are leaving. The pull has always been there but I suppose the beaches and lifestyle have been a great change from the UK. It's not just the money making us return but it has probably forced us to decide sooner than we would have.

We gave it a go, the kids got to see something different but all in all I think the biggest regret I could face is not having been there for mine and my wifes parents as they get older.

 

ginger

[nicolac34]

Do you think its a good idea to have your parents move to australia to be closer to you if you are not 100% certain that you will stay?

Tell me to mind my own business if you like..

 

Oh they know, we've told them hundreds of times that they shouldn't move here for us, it has to be for them - we've told them we probably won't stay in Perth, we might move over East, we might move to Singapore, OH would like to move to America and then we've also said we might move back to England! They love Australia though and I think they secretly hope we'll change our minds.....:rolleyes:

[Guest chris955]

Ah yes, the old 'better life' chestnut. A large number fall for it. For some a better life seems to be nothing more than being able to walk to the beach.

​For us our life was no better in Australia, it allowed us to do different things, things we cant do here but equally being here allows us to do things we cant do in Australia. For US this country offers us more and as has been said often you have to leave to appreciate a place.

[Guest Geordee]

Oh they know, we've told them hundreds of times that they shouldn't move here for us, it has to be for them - we've told them we probably won't stay in Perth, we might move over East, we might move to Singapore, OH would like to move to America and then we've also said we might move back to England! They love Australia though and I think they secretly hope we'll change our minds.....:rolleyes:

 

Quite a few years back, my in laws started applying for the parent visa - without telling us and we told them the same thing, what if we head somewhere else, not necessarily back to UK. They quick sharp withdrew visa app before the paying the large money part! As it is, we are hopefully heading back this year...

[Phil & Vikki]

Thanks for the comments. We posted this in the hope that anyone considering moving to Australia they ensure that they have considered everything, even the little things that we know we did not and we took for granted. These are the things that we are finding are starting to build up bit by bit over time and we are not sure where it is going to end. If you have any doubt it is best to address issues before you leave and are aware of them.

 

We are not trying to put anyone off, just make sure that every aspect is considered.

[MrsLZB]

When myself and the OH came out here we always thought when we had kids, we would be giving them great opportunities by living in Oz. However, it's now that we have a baby that we realise its family that are far more important than where we are in the world. Like,the OP says, it's having no one to help with the move. I am currently trying to pack with an 8 month old that is far more interested in unpacking! It's such hard work! With ageing in laws, and other poorly family members, we feel like we have to take some responsibility now and share the looking after of those that need us. But also, I readily admit that I need my family too. It's been a struggle being here with a new baby and no family members for support. And I think that's important to share with anyone thinking about coming over. Yes we have friends, but it really isn't the same.

[VERYSTORMY]

Great post and one every wanabe should read and think about.

 

We came purely for work - I got an interesting off. I strongly suspect we will leave, as although the wife says she loves Oz, when i say, can you see yourself spending your life here, she says god no.

 

I think if we had not lost her dad last year, we would be leaving about now, as, like you, family are part of the pull. As her mum is still in Peru, the pull for her is slightly reduced, though we both miss her brother and his family a lot. It will now come down to work. There is work in the UK for me, working here in Africa, but the rosters are long, though the pay more. The wife would refer me not to be away so much, and that was the attraction of Oz - your not away more than a couple of weeks maximum. But, as the work is now drying up in Oz and i am having to work in Africa anyway, the point of being there is disapearing.

[Incata]

Ah yes, the old 'better life' chestnut. A large number fall for it. For some a better life seems to be nothing more than being able to walk to the beach.

​For us our life was no better in Australia, it allowed us to do different things, things we cant do here but equally being here allows us to do things we cant do in Australia. For US this country offers us more and as has been said often you have to leave to appreciate a place.

 

It's very interesting how many people quote the "better life" chestnut. It makes me wonder how many people actually define what a "better life" will consist of before they make the decision to emigrate? We chatted to a couple of English people two or three weeks ago and they (after giving us the low down on exactly what they thought of Australia and Australians - it wasn't complimentary), said they came out here for a better life. However, they had never actually worked out how their lives would be better by coming here. They said they wanted the "great outdoors" (another chestnut I suspect) and yet back in the UK it turned out they never explored the great outdoors. They had never been to Dartmoor (for me, one of the loveliest places in the UK) or the Highlands of Scotland (a pretty close second), or anywhere much further than their local pub garden. They said they wanted a better quality of life, but did not know how they would know if they had a better quality of life, as they had not defined what it was in the first place. I got the impression in the end, that they wanted lots of pubs and clubs with cheap beer and late closing, and might actually have been better emigrating to Spain or Ibiza. Perth was certainly the wrong place for them (and they were heading back as soon as they had saved the money to go).

 

It does surprise me also, how many people emigrate and yet have never visited a place in advance (as was the case with the couple above), so have no idea about the cost of living, the price of housing or even how much a litre of milk costs. If you are planning to move to the other side of the world, so far from everything and everyone you know, surely it would be a good idea to go and have a look at it first and find out whether or not you can actually afford the cost of living there?

 

While I fully appreciate (as has been said on many posts) that you never know how you will feel about a place until you get there, it does strike me as a little odd, when people are making such a life changing decision (and let's face it, it's not as simple a choice as saying "I'm going to shop at Sainsbury's instead of Tesco's from now on"), how little practical thought is often given to how people expect their lives to change, or what they expect to be different about them when they get here.

 

I do think Phil and Vikki's original post was very thoughtful and should be read by everyone considering the move abroad.

Edited May 16, 2013 by Incata
grammar

[Ramblingrosie]

We're not coming out with the intention of staying - we'll be there for 3/4 years, exploring the area and then we'll move on to the next posting. I think we'll feel the pull back to the UK after the next posting as 6 years away from home is probably long enough in one stretch. The world is an amazing place to explore and see, but the pull of home is pretty strong too.

[Phil & Vikki]

I do think Phil and Vikki's original post was very thoughtful and should be read by everyone considering the move abroad.

 

Thanks to everyone who has said this in our post.

 

We would never say to anyone go or stay, give it a go or don't give it a go. Hopefully, by people who are considering the move having little insights like this. They may be able to make the best decision for both them self and their family. It is only when you know both sides or the story, you can make the best decision.

 

For us it has been and still is an adventure, one we are glad that we have done. However, we would be lying if we did not sat that after nearly 3 years, we are not starting to feel a pull. These little things can often be overlooked with all the excitement about moving and programs about living in Oz, so we thought it best to just remind that these little things will still be there.

[JJJB]

For people coming to Aus one big miss here is modern conveniences like central heating and a misconception about the weather, well in Victoria anyway. In the UK the ease of setting the temperature to 21c and letting the gas boiler come on at set times feels almost like a dream here. Here, new builds with energy "5 star" ratings are a joke, single glazing and one room fan heaters are considered modern technology. The fans overheat the air, then as soon as it's switched off it goes cold quickly again. It's very easy to get colds here, the winters in Victoria are long, 6-7 months long, extended by the fact that your house is probably going to be as warm inside as as it is outside. A cold winter in the UK with gas central heating is much more desirable over a slightly warmer winter here.

[carpetbelly]

I think your post is great. It's thoughtful without trying to tell anyone what to do. Just make sure they think of the little things depending on their reasons for coming over.

And I think the best think you have said is at least you gave it a good go!

 

My circumstances coming over personally was being offered a job out here while in the UK. I thought it was too good a chance to pass up to see somewhere different and experience something different.

 

Maybe someday go back, but there's still so much to explore over here I defo don't want to anytime soon.

[Paul1Perth]

It's very interesting how many people quote the "better life" chestnut.

 

For us that was one of the reasons we came and we were right in thinking we could have a better life. We'd never visited the place before but had a timeshare in Portugal and we used to love going there, the climate mostly and being near the beach.

 

Dartmoor, Highlands, Peak District, Lake District you can keep. Used to live very near the peak district and loved it up there on a nice day. Trouble was they are few and far between and it was getting to the point when we did have a nice day you wouldn't go there anyway as lots of other people would have the same idea. Got sick of sitting in traffic jams for half a day. Rest of the time it's drizzle, fog, snow.

 

It's never been a chestnut for us. Has been a better life 'cos we had a good idea that a better climate, being near fabulous beaches and a gorgeous sea that was make use of, would result in it being a better life FOR US. We knew what made us happy.

[newjez]

I feel the same - but my family is in Oz and I'm UK based. Things and lifestyle you can get in equal quantities in both countries. But family mainly resides in one, and the pull there is always strongest.

 

Wha a great post, most of that has hit the nail on the head for me. We left to pursue a better life leaving behind family that were damn close to us.....after nearly 2 years here we are going to return. My son is coming up the his 3rd Oz birthday which makes you realise what our parents have missed out on.

We only came on a 457 visa but were thinking of going for PR but due to cost of living here, lack of pay increases etc....we are leaving. The pull has always been there but I suppose the beaches and lifestyle have been a great change from the UK. It's not just the money making us return but it has probably forced us to decide sooner than we would have.

We gave it a go, the kids got to see something different but all in all I think the biggest regret I could face is not having been there for mine and my wifes parents as they get older.

 

ginger

[Incata]

For us that was one of the reasons we came and we were right in thinking we could have a better life. We'd never visited the place before but had a timeshare in Portugal and we used to love going there, the climate mostly and being near the beach.

 

Dartmoor, Highlands, Peak District, Lake District you can keep. Used to live very near the peak district and loved it up there on a nice day. Trouble was they are few and far between and it was getting to the point when we did have a nice day you wouldn't go there anyway as lots of other people would have the same idea. Got sick of sitting in traffic jams for half a day. Rest of the time it's drizzle, fog, snow.

 

It's never been a chestnut for us. Has been a better life 'cos we had a good idea that a better climate, being near fabulous beaches and a gorgeous sea that was make use of, would result in it being a better life FOR US. We knew what made us happy.

 

So you did think it through and you worked out what it was that you wanted. My point was more that many people don't. They say they "want a better life" and yet can't quantify what that better life would be. You did. Therefore with you it was not a chestnut, anymore than it was for us. We knew what we wanted and how we expected our life to change. We knew what that "better life" would be and so far it is turning out to be all that we expected it to be and yes, we do like it here!

[Sapphire]

Some really good posts on here.

Theres so much to think about when you emigrate and so many feelings and emotions that can get pushed aside in the excitement of the big move.

Phil and Vikkis post should be read by everyone considering the move.Its honest, and puts how so many of us feel into words

[Paul1Perth]

So you did think it through and you worked out what it was that you wanted. My point was more that many people don't. They say they "want a better life" and yet can't quantify what that better life would be. You did. Therefore with you it was not a chestnut, anymore than it was for us. We knew what we wanted and how we expected our life to change. We knew what that "better life" would be and so far it is turning out to be all that we expected it to be and yes, we do like it here!

 

Just gets to me a bit when people trot out the line "that old chestnut" as if it's not true for everyone and the "better lifestyle" thing is just a fallacy. It's not.

[Guest]

I actually moved over here for a worse life. I loved living in the UK and I knew that I'd be rubbish at living in Australia as I even struggled to find holidaying here enjoyable after the novelty of the first trip. So for me the "better lifestyle" thing is a fallacy.

[RoseBrown1972]

I have to own up to saying for a better life and for the outdoor life, I did research the big things like cost of living, jobs etc. But never thought of the little things that would make me happy, I loved my beach holidays and was outside when ever I got chance, but it never occurred to me that here the weather (the heat) would stop me doing far more than it ever would in the UK! It never occurred to me to check how many bands came to perth as that was a huge thing to me, the answer is a lot less than I was used to. Our biggest mistake was believing the work life balance was better! I'd love to know who all these people who work 5 hour days are, everyone I know works far longer and harder!

 

But that said we all need to take on board what others say and then make up our own minds

[Incata]

Just gets to me a bit when people trot out the line "that old chestnut" as if it's not true for everyone and the "better lifestyle" thing is just a fallacy. It's not.

 

I'm sorry if my post upset you. It wasn't meant to. When saying "that old chestnut" I was actually quoting a previous poster. It's not a phrase I would use myself. However, the "better lifestyle" phrase is one that I have heard many people use and then when I ask them what they mean by a "better quality of life", they can't answer, as they have not thought about it.

 

I quite agree that the lifestyle is much better here, but I can only say that for us, as we were (in the UK) a military family and being a military family is pants, from the way they treat you to what they consider to be acceptable standards of accommodation. I hated being a military wife and was delighted when my husbands service came to an end and we were free of them.

 

To us, what we have here is a dream, but one we thought through very carefully before embarking. We do have a better quality of life, a better lifestyle and we are happy. It sounds like you are happy too and that is wonderful!

Edited May 17, 2013 by Incata

[Incata]

I actually moved over here for a worse life. I loved living in the UK and I knew that I'd be rubbish at living in Australia as I even struggled to find holidaying here enjoyable after the novelty of the first trip. So for me the "better lifestyle" thing is a fallacy.

 

Why are you living in Australia then? I am just wondering as I have not seen many of your posts and I don't know if there is some obvious reason that I have not read. It must have been something pretty strong to make you give up a life you were happy with for one which makes you miserable. Was it love/relationship?

Edited May 17, 2013 by Incata