Brother moving to Australia but hasn't told parents

upsetintheuk · 17-02-2008, 12:05 PM

Hi

I just want to make it clear that my thread is not about hating anybody or dismissing anybodies dream of moving abroad but I need advice or help or something

My brother is 32 and is partner is a bit older. They have a son who is about 18 months and I have just found out that they are planning to move to Australia. Unfortunately they have never spoken to my parents about moving to oz and because my parents have heard rumours they are very upset as it has been very secretaive. They wouldn't try to stop them going but feel the whole process has been very underhand.

My brother is very possessive over his son and will never let my parents spend any time with him on their own and my parents are now worried that they are not going to get to know their grandson before he is taken away. We are unsure how far along the process they are but they are visiting australia for a week and I think they might be doing this to activate their visas.

What I am wanting to know is how long it will be before they move if they are going to activate their visas and how did other families cope with their relatives moving and the families being left behind

johatts · 17-02-2008, 01:06 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by upsetintheuk

Hi

I just want to make it clear that my thread is not about hating anybody or dismissing anybodies dream of moving abroad but I need advice or help or something

My brother is 32 and is partner is a bit older. They have a son who is about 18 months and I have just found out that they are planning to move to Australia. Unfortunately they have never spoken to my parents about moving to oz and because my parents have heard rumours they are very upset as it has been very secretaive. They wouldn't try to stop them going but feel the whole process has been very underhand.

My brother is very possessive over his son and will never let my parents spend any time with him on their own and my parents are now worried that they are not going to get to know their grandson before he is taken away. We are unsure how far along the process they are but they are visiting australia for a week and I think they might be doing this to activate their visas.

What I am wanting to know is how long it will be before they move if they are going to activate their visas and how did other families cope with their relatives moving and the families being left behind

Hey there!

Impossible to answer how long it will be til they move unless you can find out which Visa they are coming on. Some VISAs can take as little as 8 weeks, some can take up to a year or even longer!
If they are visiting for a week it sure sounds like an "activation holiday!" Good deductions!

It may be that they have done it all, activated & then plan to sit everyone down! Once activated you have 5 years in which you must enter Oz so if that is the case you will all have some time.

Families NEVER cope! Mine were a variety of emotions. Some were happy and understood, some ignored it and never believed we would go and some were sad.

Talk to them when they get back. Be up front with them and see what happens!

getus2oz · 17-02-2008, 02:06 PM

Just read your post and wanted to say how sad that you felt unable to discuss these issues with your brother. Immigrating to oz requires alot of time, money and thought so they obviously have many reasons for their decision and maybe the birth of their son was a catalyst for this. Some people do to wait before telling family of their plans and only your brother knows the truth why he hasn't mentioned this to your parents. Be brave but sensitive and ask him. I can understand your parents being upset at finding out secondhand and nothing will take away their sadness at the prospect of losing contact with their grandson, but they only have two options to be supportive or not. Its likely your brothers mind is already made up and he sounds pretty much self reliant and independent so your parents hands seem to be tied and if they don't support him, they could run the risk of losing their relationship altogether. Communication is definitely the key here, both in the uk and when your brother immigrates. Sorry i can't offer you any practical advice but i think johatts has covered most of your questions.
best wishes x

KazzE · 17-02-2008, 02:17 PM

Oh dear it's the F word again!

you sound like a very caring sibling finding out this site and asking questions

I hate to start on a negative but are you sure they are going for a week, that is not long, they could be making the move for good

I can understand why your brother would try to keep it secret, it is a very stressful process to go through and I know that I did not like to think or say anything was definate until we actually had our visas.
We did tell our immediate family that we were applying right from the start and kept them informed at each stage. They are supportive about us going but also upset which is understandable. Although it is really only my hubby's family as my sis and dad are already out there. We are just starting to get a little bit of emotional blackmail from my bro and his wife through thier dd, age 5 who says every time we see her 'I don't want you to go, I will never see you again' obviously prompted by the evil sis in law......

Are you able to talk to your brother? and mediate between him and your parents.

Is there history here that is making him be like this about his son and the move? (you don't have to answer that, just a thought)

If you or your parents do not feel able to talk to him writing a letter can be a good way to let him know how you are feeling and open the communication channels.

Good luck

upsetintheuk · 17-02-2008, 06:23 PM

My brother's partner is not very family orientated. She doesn't speak to her sister at all and she hardly ever sees her father who is currently undergoing cancer treatment and ever since the birth of their son and even before they seemed to of shut themselves off from us. We live 2 miles apart at the mo and hardly ever see them. They don't have much to do with the rest of the family ever including my grandmother who is 92 and in a nursing home as she is suffering from dementia.

It just feels really underhand and my parents are really suffering over it. We are going out for a meal nexxxt sunday to discuss things but it's my dad's birthday on Thursay so it has really put a damper on things. My parents are not looking forwrd to it. My parents rarely say what they are feeling and bottle it all up and it is also have a bad affect on me as well.

My brother is the kind of person who would tell us the day he left that he wasn't coming back, he has lied to us and I think they are expecting us to take in thier dog as well as it is unlikely they want to pay the fees to take her with them.

My parents have done everything for my brother. He wouldn't of been able to buy a house if it was not for them and it just feels that he is throwing everything back in their face.