When to tell family that you are thinking of moving?

[SarahL]

Hi all, we haven't even started the process of applying for visas yet and aren't wanting to move until Jan 2020 but this is playing on my mind...

 

 

So...when did you tell your families you were thinking of moving and do you think it was the right time?

 

Interested to hear of your experiences.

 

Thanks

 

Sarah

[Simons]

Hi there, we told mine before started applying so they could get used to it, to ad honest I think they thought it was just a phase we was going through. But when told them we had started, think it sunk in with them. They still aren't to happy with it, don't think any amount of time is good for the people your leaving.

[Beaty]

Leave it as late as you can.

 

Ours were told pretty early and it was a mistake.

 

A few of them, to be honest, are wrecking our heads and we've over a year to go.

 

People need to live their own lives.

 

B

[SiameseCat]

When I first started talking about it, they thought it was just a phase. But since starting the application, I’ve been getting help from my family they’re very supportive and happy for me. I think involving them from the start, through the whole application process is really helpful

[Bungo]

Tell them as soon as you can so they can get used to the idea. Maybe wait until you have determined your eligibility but other than that don't wait. And don't spring it on them as a big announcement on Christmas Day or somebody's birthday or anything like that.

 

Hopefully the family will be supportive and will keep any negative thoughts to themselves. But equally it isn't fair to expect them to be joyful and selfless when of course there is nothing selfless about emigrating (and I do not mea that in a critical way s I have done it myself, but fact is a migrant does put themselves first).

[Guest]

Hi there I've moved your thread out of Migration as its not really a visa or specific migration related issue. The sort of question you are asking is better in News, Chat and dilemmas, so I've moved it over

 

 

As to when to tell, depends on you, your family and a whole heap of other things I think. If its playing on your mind already and you are still 3-4 years away from possibly even moving, I'd say it might be a hard task to sit on it while waiting for a visa to come through. However, depending on how close you are to your family or how you think they may react, telling them too early may not be a great thing. That its bothering you now, be prepared it might take a massive resolve and determination and a big dollop of selfishness on your part to go ahead and make the move.

 

I'm with Bungo I think. Tell them when you know you are eligible and plan to actually apply. Remember, what might be the case eligibility wise now might not be in 3 years time when you actually plan to apply so telling them now serves no purpose. However, if you plan to apply soon and validate and then migrate in a few years, telling them before you apply isn't a bad thing. However, if you are not planning to move for 4 years its a long time them waiting for you to actually migrate.

 

And agree with Bungo again, springing it on them at Christmas or a family get together isn't a wise move. It steals someone else's thunder or day or will quite probably spoil the entire day as people may well get upset at the news.

 

We told my parents before we applied for my visa and it gave them about 16 months notice ahead of the actual move IIRC. But then as I am married to an Aussie then always knew it was on the cards we'd head back there at some point and we'd talked about it openly over the years but always said they'd be the first to know if and when we did decide we wanted to go. And they never once said anything to make me feel guilty or bad about it and were really supportive, even if when out of sight my mother may have shed tears. She'd not do that in front of me, its just the kind of person she is. She'd be happy for us, support us and not want to make her sadness a part of it. She told me she was sad of course, that she'd miss her grandson and all those things but that she also appreciated she had 5 wonderful years of his life, those early years and that he had family the other side of the world that should be able to know him, to see him grow also. And that we had to live our lives for us and do what we felt was right for our little family. She got it and never once made it about her or them. I will be forever appreciative of that from them thats for sure. Not everyone has that sort of experience when telling their loved ones so be prepared for the worst case scenario perhaps and anything better than that is

[Guest Michaela60]

When/if you get a visa

[Quoll]

On your way to the airport?

 

Seriously though I don't think there is a "right" time. We actually did do it after we had booked the tickets but as we moved within 6 weeks of knowing we were going (and back then they were kind enough to accelerate a spouse visa for me!) we were rather unusual.

 

You have to understand that when you let your family know that you are taking grandkids away from them that you are more likely than not going to get a grief reaction which you might find hard to deal with (lots of posts on that here!). They won't be sharing your joy with every step in the Aussie direction and will play the entire suit of guilt cards plus a few more they have up their sleeve - some of those left behind have even played the "well that's you out of the inheritance" suit as well.

 

Only you know what your family are likely to do and at this distance I wouldn't be flagging it beyond maybe a hypothetical "one of the girls from work is emigrating " comment and see what the gut response is. If you get the "OMG I hope you never do that" response I think you know you're going to have a hard time. If you get the "oh how fabulous for them" response you stand less chance of being guilted.

 

However, you're talking years away here, it might not happen so don't worry until it does - life is what happens when you are busy making other plans you know! You might get the chance of a lifetime to be living in the Isle of Skye by then and Australia won't even be in your thought pattern!

Edited September 25, 2016 by Quoll

[SarahL]

Thank you for all your comments so far. We are going to Oz on holiday in 2018 to visit friends, so may look at sorting our visa before then so we can validate it. We are both secondary school teachers (maths and science) and I have seen a lot of comments about an over supply so I'm worried we may be taken off the skills list in future!

 

I think making casual comments about Australia over the next year may be the way forward!

 

Sarah

[Ferrets]

For ours it was early in the process (August 2015), and I think that each family is different so you need to base your thoughts and conversations on your own circumstances. All of our family have been very supportive, so there would have been nothing to gain by not telling them from the start once we had confirmed eligibility.

 

One thing for me that was tricky was persuading my parents that it was really going to happen, with their plan to lodge a contributory parent visa and follow us over (brother is already in Australia). As a result they got a bit of a shock when we went from EOI submission to direct grant quite quickly, and they now regret waiting 7 months to submit their papers.

 

Good luck!

 

Ferrets

[Guest]

Thank you for all your comments so far. We are going to Oz on holiday in 2018 to visit friends, so may look at sorting our visa before then so we can validate it. We are both secondary school teachers (maths and science) and I have seen a lot of comments about an over supply so I'm worried we may be taken off the skills list in future!

 

I think making casual comments about Australia over the next year may be the way forward!

 

Sarah

 

My understanding is that maths and science are the two areas that high schools are struggling to find enough teachers for. However, the occupation list can and does change. You can hope your professions are on the list in the future when the time comes and you want to apply, but they may be gone. Or limited to certain areas or states.

 

As for applying and validating, keep in mind how long the process of applying may be and that it isn't always possible to tie a holiday in with validating without some careful planning and perhaps being ready to change your plans.

[Fisher1]

My understanding is that maths and science are the two areas that high schools are struggling to find enough teachers for. However, the occupation list can and does change. You can hope your professions are on the list in the future when the time comes and you want to apply, but they may be gone. Or limited to certain areas or states.

 

As for applying and validating, keep in mind how long the process of applying may be and that it isn't always possible to tie a holiday in with validating without some careful planning and perhaps being ready to change your plans.

 

I've had the experience of both telling and being told.

 

Our daughter told us that she was planning to go for a year, then put it off, then went. We were terribly sad as she is our only child, and I'm afraid I have often cried in front of her, but then she's cried in front of me, and it's in no way an attempt to make her feel guilty. After a year we went to visit, and she was already angling for a second visa so we knew she was likely to stay for good if she could. We went out to visit after ten months and could see how happy she was so we didn't want her to come home (to a badly paid job) even though we wanted to see more of her.

 

fast forward twelve years and she has a partner and a baby . We've been out to visit many times, most recently ten weeks this spring - and we now have a parents visa and are planning to join her next year (if we can sell our house!!!!) So we had to tell my sister, who has just lost her husband, that we are leaving. She took it very well but it was great to be able to say 'it won't be for ages yet' and I found it made it easier to say. I am also enjoying the time here in the UK and making the most of visits to friends and relatives who I might not see much again. (At my age it's not likely that people will visit more than once, the journey is too horrendous.)

 

My advice would be to tell them as soon as you can. I don't believe that families all "play the guilt card" although undoubtedly some do, and if your family have your best interests at heart they will do their best to understand and be supportive. Your job is to understand and be supportive if they struggle a bit.

 

My own reaction the day my daughter left? Not too bad at all, had braced myself for it and she texted us little messages on and off for days, which made it easier.

 

My reaction on saying goodbye after our first visit? Total hysteria. I could believe I could be that upset about leaving someone. Be warned, it catches up with you ... And avoid saying goodbye at airports wherever possible. Not only do you have your own feelings to contend with, but there are very often people bawling in the next queue.

 

Good luck, it will all work out one way or the other and never forget if you really want to go, it's your life and you need to live it your own way.

Edited September 25, 2016 by Fisher1

[tomjackman351]

I thought it when I felt that my future is not secure in my own country. Bad law and order condition and no regard of talent compel me to think about leave the country. I did diploma in performing art and I am a theater actor. So now I am planning to move to Australia or any other country for my bright future as actor. I have no enough money to move on but I am striving. My parents know now that he started struggle to move on and he would.

[Marisawright]

I thought it when I felt that my future is not secure in my own country. Bad law and order condition and no regard of talent compel me to think about leave the country. I did diploma in performing art and I am a theater actor. So now I am planning to move to Australia or any other country for my bright future as actor. I have no enough money to move on but I am striving. My parents know now that he started struggle to move on and he would.

 

Really? I would be very worried about moving to Australia as an actor. I am a dancer myself and have many friends who are musicians, dancers and actors from Europe. They came to Australia because they love the lifestyle but they were shocked at how hard it is to find work. Australia is a big country but it has a very small population so there are not nearly as many opportunities. The main problem is that it's very expensive to travel around Australia to go to gigs, so unless the hirer is willing to pay your travel expenses, you can end up out of pocket.

[Quoll]

I thought it when I felt that my future is not secure in my own country. Bad law and order condition and no regard of talent compel me to think about leave the country. I did diploma in performing art and I am a theater actor. So now I am planning to move to Australia or any other country for my bright future as actor. I have no enough money to move on but I am striving. My parents know now that he started struggle to move on and he would.

You can get a visa as an actor? Well, who knew?! It wouldn't be my destination of choice for an actor, very closed shop, small pond.

[NickyNook]

You can get a visa as an actor? Well, who knew?! It wouldn't be my destination of choice for an actor, very closed shop, small pond.

 

I wouldn't be taking anything that that poster says literally.

 

One minute he says he's an Australian living in Melbourne, the next he's an actor thinking about leaving his home country.

 

I suspect he's a kid..

[Quoll]

I wouldn't be taking anything that that poster says literally.

 

One minute he says he's an Australian living in Melbourne, the next he's an actor thinking about leaving his home country.

 

I suspect he's a kid..

Ah yes! An Australian who doesn't feel safe in his home country - surely kids make more sense?

[evets]

Really? I would be very worried about moving to Australia as an actor. I am a dancer myself and have many friends who are musicians, dancers and actors from Europe. They came to Australia because they love the lifestyle but they were shocked at how hard it is to find work. Australia is a big country but it has a very small population so there are not nearly as many opportunities. The main problem is that it's very expensive to travel around Australia to go to gigs, so unless the hirer is willing to pay your travel expenses, you can end up out of pocket.

 

So true, unless you plan to work on Neighbours or Home and Away. A large majority of Aussies actors look to move to America if they want a chance at a successful career.

[stevej]

We have always spoke about our plans to move over past 14 years but only told my mother and sister that we are actually doing it. My dad, brother, grandmother and wife's mom & dad, brothers etc will find out when we finally book flights to go. Don't really speak to family that much. Haven't seen my dad in a couple of years and only text each other couple of times a month. Wife's parents only speak to us when they want money etc so nothing holding us here. Only person I will miss is my grandmother. She's 91 and will take it hard.