cazmayo

Hi Candygirl, I know its daunting, am feeling that way myself, wondering if its meant for us. I have tried the list of things to do, but he hasnt touched it. Think until he thinking is clearer, it doesnt matter what I do. Hope all goes well for you xxx Kind Regards Cazmayo

Hi Pitrat's wife!! oh how I could I identify with your post, and have used similar language, e.g. you will be here in 10 years time, if you are not pro-active in your own life. Keep doing the same thing and then expecting change!!!! definition of madness. Its hard to sympathesise about his work, if he isnt doing anything about it. After a while, sympathy runs out and frustration sets in. He probably has people telling him "Oz isnt what it was like when you where there"!!! and "you couldnt go with a young family" etc. People that have never moved more than 5 miles away from home!!! Depression is exhausting, but when he wont even take the medication he has been prescribed, what can you do!!! The dr seems to have lite a match under his bum, as he came home saying he needs to take control of his life again. I guess its like a phobia, no matter how much your conscious mind tells you do this, the unconscious over rides it. So not only is it a stressful complicated visa process, but there is all this personal stuff on top. Here hoping we will still get our new start in Oz. THanks, Cazmayo

Hi mumof4, thanks for your reply. Yes I agree, its more than general male apathy!!!! If he doesnt want to go, he has never voiced that. I have told him he needs to be honest and straight up, as its not fair on me, letting me go to all this trouble, if he doesnt want to go. He says, thats not it!!!!! and then says nothing more. I guess when your depressed you just dont have the energy, but to get through the day. Thanks for your advice, its been great to read everyones outlook. kind regards cazmayo

Que Sera Sera, yes blokes are a mystery arent they, say one thing, do another!!!!! I didnt mind doing all the paperwork, its just frustrating when Im blocked by his inaction. I cant do the Health and Safety Interview for him, hes been sent a couple of chapters to read through and it what he does on a daily basis, but excuses excuses!!! 6 months waiting. thanks for your advice hun, kind regards Cazmayo

Hi Bubbe2005, thanks for your reply. I dont have a wanted occupation and thus it all depends on his Trade!!! Think I need to get him in better shape before approaching this process again. Its just this is turning into years and Im living in Limbo Land LOL. Kind Regards Cazmayo

Hi Spyro, thanks for your reply. Yes he is going back to dr for some counselling. He cant verbalise how he feels to me, he doesnt know, and cant make any decisions. Just as you said in your post, constantly making excuses for the smallest things. I think I will enlist his dr to help me address this, and put the visa on the back burner for now. kind regards Cazmayo

Hi Hoff, I guess its a big move, so everyone needs to be in good health for all the stress of moving. Hoping your wife will be better soon. Im guessing your kids are abit older, I moved when I was 11, and although hated leaving my friends, wasnt long making new friends (from UK to Ireland). Mine are 3, 5 and 8, though the 8 yr old doesnt want to go!! Ive lived in Perth before and Loved it!!!! Guess patience is the word. Was just wondering was a beating a dead horse!! kind regards Cazmayo

Hi Stacey, yes I think its fear based, but he is fearful of everything, even making small decisions, so I think its beyond me to sort, so back to his dr. Trauma is an awful thing, its sometimes irrational. Whatever is for us, wont pass us by. Boy am I learning patience!!! LOL. kind Regards Cazmayo

Hi Pablo, thanks for your reply. It is great to get others advice, as sometimes you can get overwhelmed in it all. I am a more straightfoward person, and believe you get back up and therefore am very frustrated this has gone on for 5 years now, 3 years planning oz, and he has dragged his feet every step of the way. Then when I ask, do you not want to go, he says its not that, hes just afraid. He uses avoidance whenever he is asked something he doesnt want to talk about. He has lived in Oz before, was VERY HAPPY there, and has work offers already. I think he is a passive agressive personality, and thus says one thing and means another Ahhhhhh! Thanks, will keep pushing him gently. He is back to the dr this week. kind regards Cazmayo

Hi BritChickx, thanks for your post. Yes think it all goes back to the loss of his business 5 years ago. His dr says its like a death, some people bounce back other struggle. On reading all these replies, it became clear we need to address his health before any move. I have got him to the drs, but found he wasnt taking the antidepressants regularly!!! Good job its not the pill, Id have about 10 kids!!!! I was told we all respond differently to stress/trauma, ....... Fight, Flight, Freeze, Faint!!!! He seems to be frozen in fear of everything and hasnt managed to restart his life. thanks Cazmayo

Hi guys, OK, we have been sometime talking about moving to Oz. We have lived there before, so do know what its like. Hubby lost his business a few years ago, and while he is working for someone else, is just surviving. My confusion!! He says he wants to move to Oz, he knows his work opportunity would be so much better. He is fedup of his present work, and only goes in to pay the bills. If only he had other options. he says So I think hes keen to move. When it comes to action, he seems to put little effort in. Came to the IELTS test, I told him it wasnt so easy and practice was needed. I did the research, downloaded examples etc and asked him to come home straight from work that week to prepare for the exam. Each evening, he had an excuse why he was hours late. Then the night before, he fell asleep on the keyboard, so I said nothing. He did the exam, and yes he didnt get the required 8. So have to do this again. He doesnt have any trade papers, so I arranged for him to the a RPL with a college in OZ. I collated all his paperwork, 63 pages, references, cv, tax forms etc. He had to do a skype interview which he did, he was asked to revise on some health and safety and to get back to them, he hasnt even looked at it, and 6 months have past. Weve paid 1000 euros, which will be wasted if he doesnt go the last mile. My question is, do I take it, he doesnt really want to go, and is finding excuses?? Non - action. He is also depressed, so non action is his approach to everything for the last few years. Im at the point, do I just give up on Oz, as I have put my life on hold, thinking we are going to move, but I keep trying to move forward and when it comes to input from him, passive inaction!! So frustrating. kind regards Cazmayo

my 3 year old finished off the post for me LOL!! Lesson learnt, keep a closer eye on those banks!!! I had to ask for a cheque book 5 times before I got it. Not great seeing as I was a business customer. They also cut my husbands OD without notifying him, through his account into disarray. Apparently they did this to everyone due to the recession. Just a bump in the road. Kind Regards Caz

Jill, that was quite rude and judgement! Chris stated he had arranged an overdraft to cover DD which the bank cut short. Once he became aware, he made contacted and has started to made amends, so its obvious he wasnt doing a runner. There are now quite alot of economic emmigrants to Oz. No work in their home country, so their not off having a good time but going to make a living and if they have debt back home, they are sending it back. I have several family members abroad for that very reason, who froze their payments, and then once in a job, activate their payments, nothing wrong with that. My uncle is a bank manager, his advice was, dont let money stop you from living life. You will always have debt, its how you negotiate and handle it. You can sit on the dole in the UK and struggle to make ends meet, or take a chance and go abroad and send the money home. Exchange rate is pretty good for sending money home. There is not many people without debt. People fall behind in repayments for a number of reasons, serious illness, lose of job, death of spouse etc. Stop accusing people that are in financial trouble as criminals. There are those that run up debt without a thought on how to repay, but the majority of people at the mo are people who have lost their jobs/businesses etc. Chris glad you are loving OZ!!!! Now your aware of the problem you can made amends and no it wont affect your visa and you wont be arrest at the airport!!! unless its the taxman you owe money too. Just contact the creditor and explain the situation, and ou98y66r3n jhgy

Well my expectations are: 1. Better work prospects Oz has a very low unemployment rate, and trades are in demand. Hubby has worked there before, has been in contact with old work colleagues to get a present update on work situation and possible work. Response - get over here! Presently living in Ireland - unemployment 14.7% with high emmigration Construction Trade - dead. Glut of properties in each town in the country, so cant see any major construction for some years. Conclusion - we would be better off in Perth workwise, Hubbby Carpenter/Joiner 2. Quality of Life Weather Ireland is a beautiful country, but we live in the west of ireland with the highest rainfall. This last summer was dreadful, as where the last 3. I have young children, and we went to the beach once this summer. Wellies most appropriate footwear. I have even a towel in the boot to dry the park equipment, waiting for a break in the weather!!! Would love to have a more outdoor lifestyle. I have lived in Perth in a previous life before kids. Family We are quite independent of our extended family, and quite a few are all around the world, Canada, Oz, UK, due to recession. Its 5 years since my mother in law babysat, so I wont be missing all the so called family support. 3. Economies Ireland - we have gone from self employed (10 yrs) to PAYE worker, 2 paycuts, then 3 day week. Cant really be cut anymore. Budget coming - with further cuts, childrens allow, new property tax, water charges, when people are already struggling. Economist predicting property wont recover til 2019. Can get 3 times present wage in Perth. Oz Have avoided recession so far. Their strong mining industry has been their saviour. Mining industry has pushed up the property prices, thus conclude prices are overpriced!! 4 Cost of LIving Property is cheap in Ireland at the mo. Cant really give it away, as there is no jobs!!!! Property is expensive in Perth! Prices seem expensive with a straight forward exchange, but that is really if you were holidaying in oz. As a resident working there, it would be the percentage of your wages and what disposable income you have left which is important. Conclusion: Is Oz all its cracked up to be? Hmmmm, depends what you are expecting. Im expecting better work prospects based on the above. Very important to us with a young family. Im expecting to be living in a nice environment in a lovely climate (I know this, lived in Perth for 3 years). Im expecting to find the Ozzies and other migrants easy to get on with. (am still friends with people in Perth, and am quite good at mixing) Im looking forward to doing more outdoor actitivies with my kids. Im looking forward to being miles away from my inlaws I have worked in Ireland, London, Sydney, Perth. I think going from one city to another, is much of the same really. Its was only when we when travelling to Frazer Island (Brill) and the Whitsundays (heaven) that I felt I was really in the real OZ. I am quite laid back and tend to accept how things are in any new place (if shops are only open between those hrs, then go then, no big deal). So I conclude Oz meets my expectations (however I have lived there before). Kind Regards Caz

I think there are 2 camps of people on here, 1. those trying to get to OZ 2. those in OZ who thankfully come back and give Reccie reports etc. The spirit of this forum is in SHARING our knowledge/research and experience. I never take one persons opinion as gospel, but read through several threads maybe on the one topic and take from it. If you dont agree with one person, come back with your opinion/experience without dishing the other person. After all their intention was to share their knowledge. I find it annoying reading an interesting thread and then it turns into a personal *** for tat argument to be honest. Back to the topic!!! please. kind Regards Cazmayo