Scotty3

It annoys me when people post questions etc, people respond but the person doesn't ever say what the end result was. Earlier today my best friend passed away back in the UK. Her mother called to tell me. She told me "dont even think about getting on a plane. You dont need to be in a room of people to show how much you care. We know you loved her". So, im not going to the funeral but i will be writing something that will get read out. When im back later in the year we will do something together as a memorial. I feel comfortable with this. I will do my own thing here on the day of her funeral. Thank you all for your advice and for sharing your experiences X

Thanks Lucy. Intetesting you mention the taping of the service. I feel that if this was an option i would take it. Given the distance during our friendship i see saying goodbye from afar very fitting. I would like to somehow feel im there. I wont know if this is possible until details come out. This is by far the hardest decision ive had to make in the 8yrs ive lived here.

Thanks for all your kind words and phrases and for sharing your thoughts. Interesting you mention the live streaming Beaty. I feel that if this is an option I would be comfortable in taking it. We have/had a very strong relationship despite distance for a number of years. We have even watched rugby matches together on Skype. Being a part of it without physically being there would be the best option. I'm close enough to the family that once the time comes I will find out more and see if it's possible. I could write something to be read out. That too would be comforting. My husband said "you have to do what's right for you and her. Only you can decide" . He's right. What's right and works for one person may not be right for another and vice versa. I'm just interested in what others did in a similar situation which will hopefully help me make the one that's right for me. Democracy, you mention my trip later in the year. My mother said that her family will probably appreciate my visit more so then than now.

Thanks for your reply Lady. My child would stay with my husband( the father) so no concerns regarding safety. If I'm honest, I think I feel I can say goodbye from afar. Half our friendship has been on opposite sides of the globe so why not our goodbye. I guess I feel it's expected of me even though I know the family wouldn't 'hold it against' me. The thought of being so far away from my child for probably 5 days just doesn't sit well. I'm not a clingy mother, I just can't bear the thought because of the distance. I do need to weigh up which is the least upsetting. I'm sure once I get 'The phone call' all will become clearer. Thanks for your response.

I'm an expat mother of a 3yr old. My best friend back home in the UK is seriously ill with only days left. I have emailed a letter and feel comfortable that I've said goodbye and accept I won't see her again. However, I have a moral dilemma. It's not practical to take my young child over just now as we are booked to go over for a holiday in a few months. Two return UK trips so close together I feel is too much, especially given that we wouldn't be there long. Therefore do I a) go it alone on an express visit leaving my young child on the other side of the world which upsets me greatly or b) miss the funeral of my best friend which also upsets me greatly. I'm incredibly torn and welcome any advice/ experience so I can make a decision. Thanks in advance.