Am I being selfish?

linziloo · 04-07-2008, 04:02 AM

Im not sure where to start really.. Been here in oz for just over 7 months now and I really love things here, but recently my o/h has been working away loads.. ive probably seen him for a total of 10 days in 6 weeks. Feeling a bit like a single parent at the moment. He was supposed to come home today, then fly back to melbourne on sunday but now they cant get him a flight back on sunday so he has to stay where he is. I know its not his fault but ive just had a big row with him coz i feel so lonely.. i feel awful now for having a go at him. but i just dont think its fair him being away for such long periods...
does anyone have any advice? sorry if im whinging!!

calNgary · 04-07-2008, 04:12 AM

possibly stating the obvious here but can he not get a job that dosnt involve working away? or maybe being away less
Cal x

linziloo · 04-07-2008, 04:17 AM

Well, that was part of my argument, he wasnt working away when he first started with the company, but over the last 4 months hes been getting sent all over. He says everyone is getting sent away its not just him,but im not really bothered about others..(selfish i know)
he used to work away in the uk, but 2 on 2 off, so its not really the working way that bothers me, its the length of time...

moving2melbourne · 04-07-2008, 07:04 AM

I suppose it is hard for both of you at the minute. Your OH will be trying to work hard and not upset his employer so that he can bring the money home to support you all in your new life but then like you say if it is upsetting you and he doesnt see your child (children) then is it all worth it

Where abouts are you, is it Melbourne? Have you made friends with anyone over here, it may help pass the time on.

You could have a sit down with him when he is next home and explain that you love living in Oz but you need him to be around. He could start applying for other jobs whilst he still works for them.
I hope things work out for you both. Give him a call and say how you feel. Remember to tell him how much you love him.

linziloo · 04-07-2008, 07:45 AM

Were in Perth. Yeah, i think you got it there, he is trying to keep everyone happy i think!
Ive made quite a few friends but as im working full time, and being a full time mam, io havent really got time to go out much! On weekends im usually tring to keep my son entertained.
Suppose i shouldnt complain too much atleast hes willing to go out and work...
would like to hear if anyone else is in the same situation?
Thanks linz x

ErmintrudeMcMoo · 04-07-2008, 07:48 AM

I know where you are coming from, my hubby left his last job after 6 months because he was away so much (much more than he`d been told about at interview). I didn`t mind him being away (he was 22 yrs in the RN so I was used to it) but it was the fact it was so disorganised, we couldn`t plan anything. He`d be due back and then told he couldn`t go cos of problems - one time they pulled him off the helicopter just before it was due to leave!!Other times he`d have a days notice that he was going somewhere. If it`s upseting you that much, try telling him how you feel, could he look for another job (it`s always easier when you are already in work as there isn`t so much pressure to just take the first thing)Try & keep your chin up, I found that I could cope most of the time but it was those odd days just caught you by suprise - they were a real killer!!

linziloo · 04-07-2008, 07:54 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ErmintrudeMcMoo

I know where you are coming from, my hubby left his last job after 6 months because he was away so much (much more than he`d been told about at interview). I didn`t mind him being away (he was 22 yrs in the RN so I was used to it) but it was the fact it was so disorganised, we couldn`t plan anything. He`d be due back and then told he couldn`t go cos of problems - one time they pulled him off the helicopter just before it was due to leave!!Other times he`d have a days notice that he was going somewhere. If it`s upseting you that much, try telling him how you feel, could he look for another job (it`s always easier when you are already in work as there isn`t so much pressure to just take the first thing)Try & keep your chin up, I found that I could cope most of the time but it was those odd days just caught you by suprise - they were a real killer!!

Thats exactly it! its the not knowing thats the worst. and trying to plan things, just cant happen..
Im ok most of the time, its just the odd day that i think, what the hell am i doing being stuck here on my own!. Ive mentioned about getting a new job but he just says he wants to try get a mortgage sorted out and needs to be in a job for more than 6 months with the same employer. hes been offered a job in the mines which is a set rota with regular shift patterns and more money but just wont take it yet. I think he thinks im being selfish when i bring it up. kinda like, like it or lump it for now x

Siblin! · 04-07-2008, 08:04 AM

Hi , no i don't think ou are being selfish, however, if there is no way out at the moment , you'll have to make-up and try and be strong. I know that's easier said than done but if you start to let this really grind you , you may end up back in the UK because you are so unhappy .
Why don't you set a target out , in terms of employment, give him a year in this job , let him find his confidence and then get him to apply for other positions . He will probably be more employable and have more confidence if he has shown he has stayed at least 12mths with one employer.
I really feel for you , as i am sure it is really lonely without him. Can you try and book a holiday for you all and spend a little quality time together, making you refreshed for a while anyway.
Can you afford to drop a day at work , then maybe you could go to a excersise class or something and meet new people.
Do you go to church , it is a really good way to make new friends and also give you some purpose and focus, helping out and things . Just a thought.
We're due in Perth very shortly , so if you need a chat then if i'm anywhere near you, i'll be sure to oblige.

Hope you feel better soon , run a bath , pour a large glass of wine , pick up the phone and tell him how much you love him and don't forget why you wanted to live the dream..
I really hope it works out for you ,
Take care,
Jo

linziloo · 04-07-2008, 08:24 AM

I think your right, ill have to grin and bear it for now, its a good idea to try put a time limit on things. things dont seem so bad when someone listens and gives you a bit of advice!!
I dont think i could drop my hours as i work in a really busy office and they wont hear of anything other than full time.
A holiday, maybe just a few days away sounds perfect! have to pester him for that when he comes home. Thanks for listening x

CharmedP3 · 04-07-2008, 08:30 AM

Whilst I can see where you are coming from and why it's getting you down, I can also see it from your OH's point of view....you had this "dream" to live in Oz and you want to make a success of it....your OH see's that as being able to provide your "own" home (not rented) and the way for him to do this for his family is to be in a position to get a mortgage....so whilst he is probably just as unhappy being away from you and your son so much, he's probably feeling pressured and torn in two to make an impression with his employer and be a good husband and father.....

I agree with last poster that you can't let it come between you.....perhaps he can explain to his employer that whilst he is more than happy to fulfill the requirements of the job, the need to at least GUARANTEE him that they will organise flights home frequently and in plenty of time, so that they can't turn round and say they can't get him a flight!!!

And then once you've got a mortgage sorted there's nothing to stop him looking for a job that will take him away less....or alternatively he takes the other job he's been offered and does his 6 months there and accepts he will have to wait a little longer for you to buy your own home.....it's not that long to wait and at the end of the day it's your family life that's the most important thing.... xxx