I'm applying to go to Australia on a defacto visa as my partner is Australian and we're hoping to move in Jan 09 provided the visa gets granted. I'm just a bit nervous about it all. I'm not sure I really want to go since its such a big move and I'll be away from everyone I know and love (apart from my bf, obviously!) I do want to go because I know the lifestyle is better and I enjoy the sunshine, beach, etc and kids don't seem as bad over there and will be a better place for me to bring up children when I have them but I just keep thinking about my parents who seem so sad whenever I see them, my 85 year old grandfather who I might not see again - which I know could be the same for anyone but more likely for an 85 year old. I will even miss the town where I grew up!
Has anyone else felt like this and how did you get over it? At the moment I'm not looking forward to moving so much since I keep thinking of what I'm leaving behind. My boyfriend doesn't really understand so much since he is just looking forward to going back to the beach and sunny weather that, although I've told him, he doesn't seem to understand the 'bigness' of moving to the other side of the world!
I know what you are saying and all I can think of to ask you is this........Have you been over here yet for a visit? If you haven't, it puts things into perspective for you, firstly the flight and knowing that you can get here within 24hrs (I know that sounds long and it is) also experiencing the culture ,lifestyle, food, people, places etc.,
I don't know what else to say really, but I'm sure others who have done the move more recently than I can give you their advice.
If you look upon it as an adventure then it will be just fine. Dont burn any of your bridges if you can possibly help it and keep the options open to go home if you dont like it.
You are going to be in a very different situation from families which emigrate together because in a mixed nationality relationship, you will be the one on your own and dont underestimate the isolation that that can cause. I would advise you not to settle too close to his family - that can be quite difficult and I have certainly resented the fact that DH has his mob closer than mine is over the years. Whilst it may seem that they will be a support, and that is a possibility, there is also the possibility that you will be the outsider in all regards and that can be a problem with respect to children etc (another board I frequent has a prime example of a mixed marriage falling apart and one partner being totally isolated versus the whole family of the partner) - so if they are in Victoria, aim for NSW or the other side of Vic (at least 4 hours IMHO)
If you can twist his arm, get a cast iron agreement that if you dont like it he will go home with you. Whatever you do, make active decisions about where you go with your life rather than just going with the flow so that if your opportunities seem better back in UK then you make the decision to go.
It will be devastating for your family, of course it will, and no skyping, msn-ing or emailing is going to make up for that but hopefully they will understand that it is something you want to do. Perhaps your parents could do what my parents did in their retirement and come here for 6 months (summer of course!!!) every year - mine did it for 15 years and so saw my boys growing up.
There is IMHO nothing inherently "better" about Australia, it is just another place to live your life in and your life is absolutely what you make it. If your DH is keen to go "home" now, imagine how you may get the same feelings down the track - just be sure to acknowledge them and make decisions accordingly. As long as you dont feel pressured or trapped in Aus then you will be just fine. Have a ball!
If you are coming to get away from the problems of the UK forget it.
If you are coming for a better lifestyle.... it all depends on the kind of lifestyle you had in the UK (mine is a lot lower in Oz than it was in London).
I honestly think you should really do a reccie before you possibly waste a lot of money.
I'm applying to go to Australia on a defacto visa as my partner is Australian and we're hoping to move in Jan 09 provided the visa gets granted. I'm just a bit nervous about it all. I'm not sure I really want to go since its such a big move and I'll be away from everyone I know and love (apart from my bf, obviously!) I do want to go because I know the lifestyle is better and I enjoy the sunshine, beach, etc and kids don't seem as bad over there and will be a better place for me to bring up children when I have them but I just keep thinking about my parents who seem so sad whenever I see them, my 85 year old grandfather who I might not see again - which I know could be the same for anyone but more likely for an 85 year old. I will even miss the town where I grew up!
Has anyone else felt like this and how did you get over it? At the moment I'm not looking forward to moving so much since I keep thinking of what I'm leaving behind. My boyfriend doesn't really understand so much since he is just looking forward to going back to the beach and sunny weather that, although I've told him, he doesn't seem to understand the 'bigness' of moving to the other side of the world!
You can't lead your life for someone else, you need to what's best for yourself and your family. Keep the big picture in mind.
If you don't like it you can always come back!
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Happiness is a path not a destination - Silk Road fortune cookie
I'm in a similar position to you. I've been the apprehensive one, as all my family and close friends are here and I'm reluctant to leave them. Although my OH has an Aussie passport, he has never lived out there, and does not have close family there. Despite his family being here, he is not that close to his family as they live at the other end of the country anyway.
As others have advised, don't cut all ties with the UK. We've decided to keep our flat and rent it out while we're away, meaning that if things don't work out, we can easily come back to our home as well as a bit of money in the bank.
It may be easier for us, as we have not made the decision to actually emigrate. We're being a little cautious, or half-hearted if you like, as we're just seeing how it goes. At least with you, you'll have your partner's family there to help you settle in and support you.
I think you should be honest with your partner and maybe come to some agreement on what to do if you can't settle. It is such a worry for you moving away, never mind knowing that your partner does not share your apprehension. As long as he knows, he can help support you too. Good Luck
Sorry - this is a bit waffley
Lucia
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Subclass 309 (de-facto spouse) sent off 09/02/08
Payment taken 13/02/08
Case officer and Meds/police check requested 26/02/08
VISA GRANTED!!! 17/04/08
Thanks for the replies and advice. Its good to know others have been in a similar situation and have an idea how I'm feeling.
I've spent over a year out in Aus and several months in the area I'll be living in so I know exactly what to expect. There is no way I'd ever consider it without having been there first! I'm not that brave!! lol
I moved over to London from NZ 12 years ago and have since moved to Cardiff from London and am now moving to Oz. Having done a couple of big moves, my best advice to you is to not actually think about the 'bigness' of the situation - if you do you'll simply talk yourself out of it?! Nowhere is going to be perfect but despite what others say I'm convinced that Oz offers a better, healthier lifestyle and will be better to bring kids up in. I reckon you just get on and do it, and if it doesn't work out you can always come back - maybe not to the exact same life that you left but at least you'll always have options.
If you are coming to get away from the problems of the UK forget it.
Hi, Firstly, please take the above quote like a pinch of salt, unfortunately the guy who wrote this does live in a not so nice part of oz but not everywhere is like it.
I think quoll gave you some good advice. Its difficult travelling the other side of the world for someone you love, as it can seem when times are tough its all on his part.
As for the bigness of it all, I think thats part of emotional journey all this entails, I don't think you get over it until you get there and have been there a few weeks.
Good luck and enjoy the adventure, and remember the UK will always be here.
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