Helping Pommie DH with Move to Oz - help!

[sydneyshell]

My English DH and I (I am Australian) are moving to Sydney in 7 weeks with our 20mth old Son and another on the way.

Obviously I am excited about going home to family and friends, but also a bit anxious as I have lived in the UK for 7 years now and it will be a new life for my little family. We both know it is best for us and our family in the long term. We have a house there and DH has a job to go to (setting up the Aussie equivalent of the UK business he works for now).

Anyway, he isn't sleeping, he is distraught about leaving his Parents (who will visit us in Sydney for the birth of the baby 7 weeks after we leave, for a period of a month) and is generally in a state of constant stress due to work, the move and all that comes with it.

Does anyone have any advice on how to help him through this, or how to make it easier.

We also have our trip back to the UK planned for his Mum's birthday in August, so it's not like we will be going 'forever' and never visiting.

Thanks in advance

Shell

[Gollywobbler]

Hi Shell

Has Hubby got a permanent Spouse visa or the temporary one?

Also, how old are his Parents and are they in reasonably good health? It sounds like they are his main worry?

Obviously, if they will be making their first visit to Oz, it will be a bit of an anxious time both for them and for DH - the journey tends to seem daunting until people have done it and so forth.

I note that DH's Parents are only planning to visit for a month initially, but if they can spare the time, DIAC in London are very good about letting British Parents make long visits to Oz. Please see here:

Visa Options - Tourists - Visitors - Visas & Immigration

Don't bother with the Sponsord Family Visitor visa notion. I've nevr heardof British Parents having to use that route. The AHC in London seem quite happy to let them have subclass 676 long stay tourist visas instead.

In the longer term, would there be any possibility of DH's Parents migrating to Oz? Please see here:

Family - Visas & Immigration

That option mainly depends on the Balance of Family test, which can be a bummer but it is worth mentioning just in case you are not aware of it?

I think we all worry about our Parents growing older and being stuck in the UK on their own, maybe with no one to help them as they grow old. I get loads of PMs on this topic.

I'm sure DH will feel more settled once you are at home in Sydney, he has been in his new job for a while, the new baby has been born and so on.

In the meantime, would it be worth asking his GP for something like amtryptyllene in the short term just to help him to get a decent night's slaep? It is ot addictive and one need not take it every night or anything.

Best wishes

Gill

[sydneyshell]

Dear Gill

You always have the information to soothe even the most nervous emigrant ... thank you!

Dh will be getting (hopefully) a permanent Spousal Visa as we have been married for almost 4 years and have the 2 kids together. His parents are in very good health, and are 58 and 61 so not too old to make the journey.

This will be their 3rd visit to Oz (they love it!), but his Mum has parents here (early 80s) and another Son who is due to have his first baby in a week. They are much closer to us however, and they have looked into eventually spending half the year in Oz - probably with one of the Visa types you were kind enough to post a link too.

I just mentioned the sleeping 'aid' to my DH, and if this continues I think we might go down that route- thanks for the info.

We have done a heap more throwing out and sorting today and I think that has made him feel a bit more 'sorted' as it is all getting close now .....!!!

Thanks again for your words of wisdom

Shell x

Hi Shell:)..it is hard when two people come from different sides of the world..i love Australia, as even though i wasn't born there, i lived there from a baby up to when i was 14, and a big part of me will always be there, whatever country i live in..my hubbie is english and had the same concerns as yours, before we went to Perth last time..even though you have rellies coming out and a visit home, i think somewhere in the back of their mind they wonder if life will ever be the same..if they will ever see good old blighty again!..apart from the huge move that it is in itself!..especially with the responsibility of a little one and another on the way..has he ever visited Australia?..we've been there & lived there and know what it's all about..they haven't..well my hubbie has now and he loves it..even though we have had to come back for a while, living in Aus changed his perspective and him..all the best for your move and the new little one on the way!..take care..
Pingpong or Tess

[sydneyshell]

Thanks Tess

Dh and I have spent upwards of 4 mths each year for the past 3 years in Oz (we owned a unit in Sydney which we used as a holiday house), so he knows what it is like, has a social network (mainly thru my friends but some independently) and loves the outdoor lifestyle.

If truth be told, it is all about his Parents. The guilt he feels taking our Son away from them (they presently live 5 mins down the raod and we see them every day), and the fact that he won't have them to talk to and lean on (he has a very stressful job and talks things thru with them alot). Hopefully over time his parents will spend more and more time in Oz and it will make things easier.,

When you have people from opposite sides of the world, there is always going to be someone missing their family tho!!!

Thanks for your thoughts, just got to hang in there and enjoy the remaining Sydney summer when we get there

Shell x

Yes..if you are close to his parents and they could be there, it would be so much easier for him..it was very different for my hubbie..he had never been to Aus and so was concerned about the whole thing..yours obviously knows it well and would settle a lot easier..hope it all goes well for you and your little family..
Pingpongor Tess

[KazzE]

Hi Shell
just wanted to send you

Things will work out, you will see.

This is obviously a big move for him and moving the business on top of moving to the other side of the world is a huge thing.

My sister went to Oz 3 years ago which was very hard for me as it was 2 months after our Mum died, my Dad went over not long after for a visit and to stay for Christmas, that was very hard too.
As a family we have always been close and talked things through together (although she is doing my head in a bit over my DD at the mo, even from the other side of the world) but we talk almost every day, not always exactly when we want but we can still talk things through. There are always web cams, but we have not used them very much, my DD and her cousin sometimes do stupid things over the camera and show each other clothes etc but my sis and I never use it - could be something to do with the time difference, not a pretty site first thing in the morning
Gill suggestion of help to sleep is an very good one, nobody can function very well with little sleep, I can vouch for that.

thinking of you

[Gollywobbler]

Hi again, Shell

Hmmm. The main issue does seem to be DH worrying about his Parents and maybe his maternal grandparents as well.

The only way that DH's Parents can be absolutely assured of being able to spend half of each year in Sydney in the long term would really be if they get a Contributory Parent visa and the sooner the better for that.

DIAC regard a 50/50 split between the UK and Oz every single year as "migration" and they really don't like it to be too regular or to go on for too many years. They get the grlic and the crucifix out if they think somebody is trying to use long-stay tourism as an alternative to proper migration.

If they only have two children between them then they would be OK on the Balance of Family Test as soon as DH is living in Oz and has PR and as an Australian Citizen, you would be able to Sponsor your in-laws once you have spent 3 months back in Australia.

Armed with a CP visa, Parents can come and go from Oz as they please. If your M-i-L's Parents are in reasonable health an they can also meet the Balance of Family test (and could afford it) they could also get CP visas in due course once M-i-L has PR in Oz and is "settled" there.

My mother was 86 when her CP visa was granted around 16 months ago, and I have heard of CP visa applicants who have been much older than Mum but who have migrated successfully.

The reason why I would advocate considering a CP visa sooner rather than later is partly because it would avoid future potential ggro from DIAC. Partly, too, the CP visa is now becoming significantly over-subscribed and at the minute, not even DIAC know whether the new Minister for Immi is likely to be minded to increase the annual quotas of Parent and CP visas. Please see this article by Alan Collett:

Go Matilda - Your Gateway to Australia - News

There is no further informatio about this as yet.

Also, the 2nd Instalment of the visa application charge for Contibutory Parents is linked to the Dept of Health's predictions about the likely future cost of providing healthcarein Oz. When the visa was new in 2003, the 2nd Instalment was $25,000 per parent. In 2006/7 is was £29,330 per Parent. In 2007/8, it has gone up again to $31,555 per Parent and apparently this was an increase of around 7.5%. (I am no mathematician and haven't a clue how to work out percentages, but Alan Collett is a Chartered Accountant as well as a Registered Migration Agent, so I just believe whatever hee says about anything involving Maths!)

The visa application charge "freezes" at whatever the rate was in the year whenthe applicaiton is lodged and the visa year runs to 30 June every year, in line withthe Australian Financial Year.

So although there is o screaming urgency to consider any of this in the very immediate future, I would suggest that you and DH should discuss it before the end of 2008 or so.

Best wishes

Gill