What do we do???

[saralol]

Hi
Hoping for some advice. We have our visas (yipee) but now I'm suffering with major doubts and concerns about loneliness, guilt at leaving my parents, fear that we won't find jobs, fear that my daughter will miss her friends and family - HELP!! My OH is keen to go, but he has the benefit of having close family already settled in Brisbane, and no real family ties here. My Mum & Dad are in their mid 70's, Dad's blind and Mum finds it hard going looking after him, although I have 2 sisters they aren't really that involved with helping out - whilst my Mum's quite supportive and says they'll come and visit, Dad is being incredibly negative, making sly digs throughout their stay at Christmas. To top the lot, I've been told to avoid long haul flights - which makes travelling back and forward more tricky. I don't want to give up on our dream, but I'm already feeling guilty! Sx

[tahe49]

Oh Sarah, you poor thing, you really are feeling low aren't you?

I have no answers just words of encouragement.... I am sure these doubts are normal

if you would like to meet up to get it all off your chest, just give me a pm.

O

[Mrs C]

Hi Hun,

I am sorry to hear you are feeling this way! Let's just hope that it is just a case of the Jitters, New Year is an emotional time anyway, I don't expect that has helped much.
I was in floods of tears just before Christmas due to some minor problems with my visa application, but I should be able to sort them out tomorrow. So I am feeling a bit better.

Keep your chin up.

April

[alliekate]

Oh honey, I know where you are coming from.

Both my parents are in their 70's, and my only other sister lives in Oz. My dad said he would never make the trip to Oz again cos of his health, and he might be dead before I saw him again. My mum went into a deep depression, and a real nasty side of her came out to my poor husband.

Yup she cancelled Christmas - no card, no nothing. And it was all my (and hubbies) fault.

All I can say is that they had their chance to do their thing, and you have to live your life. Why should my sister be so supported and not me - is it cos I was the one supposed to take care of things back home ?

Tell you what, I wish I could send this as an email to my mother.

Sending you much love, and you must do what is right for you.

[brucestobrisbane]

Hi
What do you do??? You do what you think it best!! All of us can only do our best, given the information we have at the time. Of course hindsight is a wonderful thing, but we dont get it before the event (damn it).
Speaking as one who's on her way back to England, I would still do it all again. You dont know how you will like it here til you try, so try, what's the worst that can happen???
Have a good talk to your dh, and as long as you are both sure it's something you want to try for yourselves, then give it a go, but knowing that there is the possibility it might not work.
Things always turn out as they are supposed to, the only things there are to lose are material things, and they ain't everything anyway!
Good luck to you, get out there and do whatever makes you happy.

[skippy]

Sarah, you are always going to feel guilty about something, I had wanted to come to Oz since I was 7 years old, so it was a dream that I wanted to follow, my family was very supportive of our move & wanted to do the same, but unfortunately they were older than me and had established themselves well in the UK.
The day we caught the train to London, there was only my mother, sister & one good friend and his wife that came to say goodbye, says a lot doesn't it, we were 10 pound poms, so it was a matter of giving life a go down under for 2 years, that is a good yardstick to go by, we arrived here with about 100 pounds, 2 kids & our suitcases, I have already talked about that on my earliest threads,so I won't go into it all again.
I very much doubt that your daughter at 3 will miss her friends for very long, bringing kids here before they start school is the best time as they grow up in their new environment,
our kids were 3 & 4 when we came here in 1970, shortly after our daughter started school, we moved to another area, but she blended in quite easily at the new school, and met the other kids from our area, my wife also met new friends from taking our kids to & from school, the only small problem we encountered when our kids were young at school, was that they have a grandparents day here and the kids felt left out because their's couldn't be there, we made sure we attended.
As far as the family goes, I missed mine a lot, my wife didn't have any family left, so she couldn't understand what I was going through, my sister popped in nearly everyday, one of my brothers visited every Thusday evening & we went to the pub for an hour & we visited my mother every Friday, my eldest brother lived at Blackpool and we saw each other once a year, sometimes twice, but being so far away was an awful feeling for me and I turned to the drink after being here for only a year, that is mentioned in my earlier threads also.
If you treat it as a working holiday & don't get into too much debt, you can find your way around at your leisure, every City in Oz is different, so you really have to do your homework on this, also look at the climate, most of Oz is hot during Summer, but there are places that have snow, high humidity & some even have cyclones.
If any of your family dies whilst you are here, you will feel guilty about that situation, but it would have happened if you had stayed there, when things go wrong here, you think that wouldn't have happened if you had stayed in the UK and so the list goes on, every story on these threads have similarities, but our responces to these situations and how we handle them are totally different, what works for one doesn't always work for another.
I have been here for 38 years now, I have seen families come and go, and even return again, only to find that homes etc have increased in price, I have seen families break up because of the pressure, would I do it all again ? if I didn't have to go through the first few years again I would, definately, even now I can't believe the wonderful lifestyle I have
here, we lived in an environment like Coronation St in the UK, we couldn't see any future for us there, so we took the risk.
My wife never worked until our youngest [born here] left school, I wasn't a trades person so did labouring jobs all my life, I got medically retired 8 years ago & my wife is stopping working this year, we live in an ordinary bungalow & like Mrs Buckets relative, we have an inground pool with room for 2 cars and a boat, the boat is on a mooring & up for sale, so dreams can be achieved.
A lot of people today, want straight away, what it took our generation years to get, that's where they come unstuck, be satisfied with what you can achieve for your little family unit, they are the ones that reap the real benefits at the end of the day.
Nowadays, our 3 kids are all married with kids of their own, to see the young ones enjoying the outdoor lifestyle makes me positive that we did the right thing all those years ago, if I had stayed in the UK for my family, I would have been a very lonely person today, as the majority of them have passed away.

[ali]

I can't really add anything that skippy (very wise) and Nicky have said ... just follow your heart. My dad is 70 this month and already planning his next trip. We've loved talking to family and friends over the last few days - everyone (us and them) were excited and instead of feeling sad - it was lovely to hear them and share some jokes. The way your feeling is pretty normal - once the visa is granted the reality of it all sets in that you can actually come to Aus to live. My children are older at 12 and 8 and if you read any of my posts you'll know that that they have settled well and made friends quite easily.

Ali

Hi Saralol:)..congratulations on getting your visa, which can be hard going for most in itself!..your feelings are so very normal and i think are part of the process of emigrating..it is such a huge move..they say moving house is in the top most stressful things to do..let alone moving to the other side of the world!..as Skippy i was a ten pound pom back in the early 60's with my parents and brothers..it has brought both happiness and sadness for our family, as my brothers are now all still in Aus and my parents are in the uk and not able to return again..i now plan to return to Aus with my family so my heart is with my parents who will have all their children there..but i know my parents would not change a thing because their initial move to Aus has brought fantastic experiences and opened up many doors down the family..they are totally supportive of us all..yours is a personal choice which only you can come to terms with, but i wish you all the best in your decision and remember whatever there is always someone here to listen..
Pingpong

[bryam99]

You poor thing, i can really sympathise. I think if you found out all about help from social services, benefits and/or home help, support groups etc for your parents amybe they would come to understand that you do care very much but just want to follow your dream of trying a new life in Oz.
Are they on the internet? maybe fixing up a computer for tham and spending time with your mum to show her how to use it and explain how you can be in touch daily with it?? Maybe this is not practical for you but if you try to find them help they will appreciate it. Our children are free to follow thier dreams, think about how you would handle it if it were your child, i would encourage mine to do whatever they wanted.
Keep your chin up hun, it will all work out whatever happens x x x

[saralol]

Thanks guys, I really appreciate all the wise words, we're off to Brissie in Feb for a final recon trip, in the meantime it's all hands to the deck trying to get our house ready for sale! Fingers crossed that we llike Brissie and the Gold Coast as much as I remember, and that my parents accept our decision, support us, and actually come to visit!!! In reply to the question "what do we do", we both work in insurance as project managers - can't see finding work is going to be that easy but hey ho - can only give it a go!!