Hi there I need some support please!!!

Leigh and Nick · 25-11-2007, 02:17 PM

Had a bit of a family party last night and took lots of pictures for the kids to remember everyone. My mum was getting a bit upset and we havent even submitted our Visa yet only the TRA. I know we are doing the right thing but I just feel that my mum has always been there for me and that I am being really selfish by taking her grandkids away from her. My dad is hurting about the whole process too. My mum has been such a major part of the kids lives and helped bring them up when I seperated from my husband. It is such a shame that it is the other side of the world as we are really close and they always come over for a cuppa and to help out etc. I know they are going to be lost without us all. I am probably sounding a bit pathetic as I know deep down that I have to think of my family but at the same time they are my family too. They would probably come too but none of us have the money to sponsor them and mum takes quite a lot of medication so there would be no chance of her passing a medical to come with us. Sorry to go on but I feel that I am having second thoughts at the moment.

Mrs C · 25-11-2007, 02:34 PM

Hi there

I know exactly how you feel, my poor old mum passed away 18 months ago and I miss her like mad, she helped me through when I was on my own. Richard and I have spoken avout living in Australia for ever (well been together 7 years) but I could not go while she was alive. My mum had a lot of health problems and it would not have been fair for me to no1 leave her and no2 let my brothers and sisters cope with it all alone. My decision was made for me, and although that wasn't easy it was a lot easier than leaving her here. Well thats enough of all that sadness.

I guess what I am trying to say is you are a very strong person, your mum & dad are very proud of you, yes they will miss you. But I'm sure your happiness is their priority. They will have the comfort of knowing that you and the children are living a better life. Also what a great holiday opportunity for them.

My dad has given me all the support I need and is really excited for us, likewise with the in law's.

Good Luck with everything you do.

April

Leigh and Nick · 25-11-2007, 02:40 PM

Thanks for that. My mum knows it will be good for us all but it feels like I am betraying her by leaving after all she has done for me. My brothers are saying that if we go they hope to follow eventually which would be like desertng a sinking ship and leaving mum and dad to it. If they did come over we would have to pay all their medical bills that is if they can even go.

KazzE · 25-11-2007, 03:03 PM

Hi
this is something you have to come to terms with for yourselves (I am sure you know that)

There is always the internet and regular phone calls, they can come for extended holidays.................................

my Dad had been in Oz more than the UK

since my sis emigrated a couple of years ago and plans to go for contributary parent visa as soon as he can
(that depends on us getting ours!)

keep talking it through

take care

The Cutches · 25-11-2007, 09:39 PM

Hi Leigh & Nick,

It's so difficult to come to terms with the guilt isn't it, I thought I was over it but had a major pang last week. It does get easier once you've got your head around it and when you have made the decision that you are defo going. I think if our parents generation had the opportunities that we have today, they would have made the same decisions too.

My advice to you would be to continue reading and posting on PIO and communicate with your family as much as possible, it then begins to feel 'normal'.

Hope that makes sense, stick with it.

CC
x

The Broughtons · 25-11-2007, 10:30 PM

Leaving loved ones behind is always going to be a hard thing to do. The day before I left my Mum broke down and said that no-one really wanted us to leave and that what she was going through was the hardest thing that she had ever had to go through. I felt so guilty and apologised for being selfish. She then said I wasn't being selfish, I had to do what was right for me and that she really did understand why I was going. As a result I think me and my Mum are closer now I'm on the other side of the world. We book times in the week to talk and we actually have proper conversations. She is more interested in what I'm doing than ever before and I have heard my family tell me they love me more in the last 2 months than in my whole life. It is very hard to be apart if you're close but the closeness doesn't just vanish when you get on the plane.

Felicity

Leigh and Nick · 26-11-2007, 05:07 PM

Sorry havent been on PIO all day. Thank you so much for your advice. I remember reading your posts when you left and thinking how brave you are. It is weird but until you read about other peoples situation you begin to think that you are the only person that has these feelings. It is nice to know that we are not alone. I think you are right about having quality time for each other as over here we take it for granted. Perhaps we should set up a site for all the mums out there who are being left to it!!!!! Maybe they could then talk to someone in the same boat.

charlyandnick · 26-11-2007, 07:20 PM

Hi there - i know how you feel! I'm off to Iraq this weekend only for 3 months but when i said goodbye to my mum yesterday i got really upset - then i thought how will i be next year when we go to Oz??!!

I even spoke to my fiance last night when i was really upset and asked him if he would come back to the uk with me if i changed my mind! He said yes thankfully!

I'm gonna be so so upset but hope i can see that its a better future for us and something i know my mum wants us to do!

Missing loved ones is tough!

Charly x

26-11-2007, 07:36 PM

Hi ..it is so hard isn't it!..unfortunately as said it is something we all have to manage in our own way, and accept as part of the journey..all of my brother's are in Aus..one has been there 41 years and the other two over 10 years..we are off now leaving my Mum and Dad here, so it weighs heavy on my shoulders..they lived in Aus for 11 years and came back, but never got their citizenship..now Dad would not pass a medical and they probably will never get back..not even for a visit..they support us 100% and understand why we would like to return but it does make you doubt your decision..i hope you can come to terms with this in your own way and feel better & wish you a good life in Aus..it's a truly brilliant place!...
Pingpong

Leigh and Nick · 26-11-2007, 11:02 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Pingpongpom

Hi ..it is so hard isn't it!..unfortunately as said it is something we all have to manage in our own way, and accept as part of the journey..all of my brother's are in Aus..one has been there 41 years and the other two over 10 years..we are off now leaving my Mum and Dad here, so it weighs heavy on my shoulders..they lived in Aus for 11 years and came back, but never got their citizenship..now Dad would not pass a medical and they probably will never get back..not even for a visit..they support us 100% and understand why we would like to return but it does make you doubt your decision..i hope you can come to terms with this in your own way and feel better & wish you a good life in Aus..it's a truly brilliant place!...
Pingpong

Oh my god! You must be feeling the strain. Your parents must be wonderful people. Best of luck to you too.