Stropy teenagers - at the end of our tether

[eddie&tina]

This is a bit of a moan, a bit of a rant. if your not in the mood to hear moan please don't read on. Our 12 yeard old is doing our heads in at the mo.
We have been on this journey for a very long time and had our visa a couple of weeks ago. Last night our daughter had the worst outburst ever, all to do with something so trivial like moving her bed around. Unfortunately she called me (Eddie) all the names under the sun, every f, b and c word you can think of. I was totally shocked as this is completely out of character and she has never done this before. We've been so shocked that we had to send her to her nan and grandads for a couple of days to calm down. She has told us that she is definitely not going to oz and that she hates me (eddie) for taking her there.
Sorry for this complete rant. Has anybody else experienced this as my worry is we're not even there yet and God knows how she'll react when we finally get there. Any words of wisdom/advice/criticism!
I normally come on to have a laugh and a joke with the other guys that we all take the mick out of each other, but this is a serious one and i'm totally unsure of how to react to this situation as when i was this age i know if i'd have acted this way i would have been chucked on the plane and wouldn't have said a word for the first 6 months i was there, if you know what i mean.
I don't want to follow in my parents footsteps, ie. respond as they would have - again if you know what i mean.
Sorry for the rant.
Eddie

[KazzE]

Hi eddie

this sounds like a little girl who is very worried about this huge move that she is having to make and one that she has no control over

she knows that she has no choice (so wish my 18yr old didn't) and will have to go, this outburst is a result of all her feelings coming out

You need to have a calm talk with her, acknowlege her feelings, let her know how you are feeling, hard for a man I know but.......... you don't have to get too mushy but let her know that you know it is a big scary thing and it is ok to be scared but you are doing it for all the right reasons etc let her know that she can come and talk to you both about her worries and you will take them seriously

BUT you are going and you will do your best to make the move as easy for her as you can, this will be a lot harder if she is giving you grief all the time

how long before you go?

get her (and your other kids) involved with planning and making some of the decisions in some way

maybe get her to talk to some of the kids who are already over there, I think Ali and Cal have girls around that age?

and I hate to say it but - hormones could be having a part to play here too


and of course if all that fails Bribery and corruption work for me every time

[scots-in-oz!]

Poor you! Sounds like you're having a right time of it! Teenagers! We were all one of them at some point! (Hard to beleive....we're all so responsible & sensible now! lol) I'm lucky I suppose, my 13 year old daughter can't wait to go! Perhaps someone who's now in Oz who has had similar problems with their kids will read your post and be able to give you some advice about how they coped? What about asking her to write down the reasons why she doesn't want to go, and then together, or as a family you can discuss how you might overcome these fears? If she's staying at her nan and grandads for a couple of days, why not ask them to talk to her about it? She might tell them things she might be scarred not to tell you becasue she thinks you wont listen. Just a thought!
Me & my OH have said right from the start that even if one or both of our daughters doesn't want to go, we would still do it. Just think in a few years time she'll thank you for it! Can you imagine if your parents told you that they were going to emigrate to Oz when you were 12, but because you kicked up such a stick they didn't do it!!! She WILL thank you in the end. It might take years, but I'm certain that she will realise eventually what a great opportunity it is for her!
Anyway, goodluck, and I hope she calms down!
Mags
x

[kdal]

Hi, So sorry to hear your daughter is feeling so angry about what is your dream. The problem is that your daughter knows that she has no control over what is going to happen and whether she wants to or not she is going to have to go to Australia with you. Understandbly she is hurt and upset, unfortunately not everyone is fortunate enough to have teenagers that are happy to up sticks and move on.
She feels trapped and wants to hurt and shock you which is exactly what she did. I'm sure deep down she is hurt too by her reactions and being 12 finds it difficult to chanel her anger, this is what she will now learn from you guys and how you deal with her and her anger. Don't rise to your daughters level of anger don't scream and shout or you will go round and round in circles. Listen to what she says and let her know you can understand her concerns but the decision is made and she is loved so much and is part of the reason why you want to give her this life time experience.

She will come round but you have to be patient and walk away from her and let her know that swearing doesnt get a reaction from you at all, as you will not even reason with her if she behaves in this way. Time at her Nans may give her time to reflect (as long as Nan is with you guys on this).

Good luck

[michele'n'michael]

Oh wow I know where you're coming from. My daughters waivered but for the last 5 months or says "I'm NOT going to Australia" She's 13. Were on a months holiday at xmas so I'm really hoping she'll come round. Her friends seem to be everything. I feel so bad & that I'm ruining her life & she doesn't want to move out of our house which should be in a couple of weeks. I just to keep telling myself there's nothing for her in Uk but underage drinking & drugs for recreation as this country won't spend money on youth projects cos there's no financial return!! Typical.UNLESS of course you get to the stage of a rehabilitation programme!! God I hope it all works out cos I'd hate to have to cart my 2 kids back to start again!!
Good luck I'll be watching this thread!! Michele xx

[pabloke99]

I have a 15 year-old daughterwho was also initially adamant that she wasn't going to go, and that we were ruining her life. She is gradually coming round to the idea now, and I've even caught her flicking through TV channels trying to find programs about Australia and she is getting excited about designing the decor in her bedroom when we get out there. I think the problem is that at such a precious age, their lives centre around their immediate friends and surroundings. We told her that we would be moving away from this area next year anyway, regardless of whether our Aussie application is successful or not - so it might as well be to somewhere sunny and warm with lots of hunky surf-dudes.
Conversely my 18 yr old son has no dramas whatsoever and is chomping at the bit to get out there, I think he sees himself as becoming one of the afore-mentioned surfers.
Anyway good luck - I'm sure she'll come round eventually, try leaving a few Australia & NZ magazines lying about the house, or some property papers so that she can see how big the houses are. Or you could always promise to get her a pony when you get out there - I tried that one too, but she saw straight through it.
Paul

[kdal]

Originally Posted by pabloke99

I have a 15 year-old daughterwho was also initially adamant that she wasn't going to go, and that we were ruining her life. She is gradually coming round to the idea now, and I've even caught her flicking through TV channels trying to find programs about Australia and she is getting excited about designing the decor in her bedroom when we get out there. I think the problem is that at such a precious age, their lives centre around their immediate friends and surroundings. We told her that we would be moving away from this area next year anyway, regardless of whether our Aussie application is successful or not - so it might as well be to somewhere sunny and warm with lots of hunky surf-dudes.
Conversely my 18 yr old son has no dramas whatsoever and is chomping at the bit to get out there, I think he sees himself as becoming one of the afore-mentioned surfers.
Anyway good luck - I'm sure she'll come round eventually, try leaving a few Australia & NZ magazines lying about the house, or some property papers so that she can see how big the houses are. Or you could always promise to get her a pony when you get out there - I tried that one too, but she saw straight through it.
Paul

.......

What a good idea!! Some pics of those lovely beaches with the young surfers on the beach !!

Also not sure if she speaks with anyone else on here (your daughter), but might be an idea to get some msn's addressess and speak to youngsters in a similar position, especially if they are going to the same part of Oz.

Hope your daughter feeling calmer now

[Abi&Dan]

I very distinctly remember the ridiculous emotional ups and downs of being a teenager (and just hope I can keep those memories when I have them myself!)

I bet Chelsea now feels horrified about her outburst, probably pretty guilty for calling you that stuff and a bit silly too. She may also find it really tough to explain and apologise (sorry at that age is a bit of a foreign word!!)

Therefore, I reckon now's the time to be pretty understanding, but not soft. Tell her you understand she's really upset about leaving her friends, family, known things, etc but I wouldn't back down. Tell her you forgive her for her outburst (and try not to react if this leads her to strop out again saying she meant every word or something like that!) and she should ask all the questions she wants and you'll help her to understand the whole thing.

Wow bringing back the teen years for me!! Good luck! x

[eddie&tina]

Thanks to everyone for your replies. Chelsea came home today after spending a few days at her nan and grandads and we're glad to say that after a little silence we got a lovely apology so we're hoping to grow from this and hopefully find out exactly what the outburst was exactly about.
I'm (Eddie) taking Chelsea out tomorrow so this should give us a good opportunity to talk about how she is feeling. It has just dawned on me, thanks to Pete (kP) that there could be boyfriend troubles. It shows how dumb i am as this didn't even cross my mind. I still see her as our little one even though at her age, and i can remember being that age, i know boys talk to girls and girls talk to boys . I also understand that it is going to be hard for her to leave her friends and we're going to do our best to be as understanding as possible. We want her to enjoy her time in oz as this will certainly make our lives a lot easier.
Once again thanks for all your replies.
My (Eddie) parents will be be absolutely p"@*ing themselves now as i was a little sod at her age.
Eddie and Tina

[KazzE]

Well there you go then that's where she gets it from

seriously tho, glad to hear that she is back and things are moving forward