stroppy teens

[Soexcited!]

hi there, anyone got helpful advice to make my life less stressed?

we [husband is a sparky and 2 boys 22 and 20, 2 girls 18 and 15 ] have our visas and intend to get to brisbane, sunshine coast in 12 months when house is sold and youngest has finished gse's. so far so good. we have wanted to live in oz for the 18 years but such a big step with a young family .we had a wicked 7 week tour of oz in a campervan in 2004, and we have just returned to oz perth for our visas, so we all understand the lifestyle and what to expect.now they are giving us a hard time for upping and going. after living here in the same house for 22 years, i know that leaving all our friends wont be easy but thats not a good reason to stay . we have told them all that theyre friends are welcome to visit anytime and they can still do collage in oz[all still students, none could aford to live here in a bedsit, let alone want to do their own washing]but now 22yr old not sure if oz girls be better than english although he did buy the oz nuts and fhm mags, and hes not sure what career he would want. also has no money. our 20yr old is the only one that wants to go now, cant wait, though hes set himself up for a music degree in brisbane and saving like mad from part time supermarket work. our 18yr old is studying performingarts, wants to work in theatre thinks there is no theatres in oz and wont reaserch jobs there. also has a loving boyfriend that will be hard to leave. the hardest one is our 15yr old lovely daughter who is becoming a nightmare chav. she thinks her friends will be here forever and this is her life. i dont want to upset her at the mo as she is studying her gce's but its so anoying when she says we are out of order moving, and she will live with friends parents. i would like to know who is offering her this get out being as we believe the move is to better all our quality of life and its cost us a fortune to get everyones visas. i told her that she will have to come for 2 years until shes 18 hoping by then shell want to stay and would have new friends and lifestyle. now she saying shell run away. help! sometimes i wish wed moved before this age but it never felt right. now we can go, i see it as a wonderful opertunity to have a good life and i really believe thay will have a better chance of afording their own place. we cannot aford to leave them here with money, but have said that we will pay for all flights to go, even if thay all come out at different stages in the next 4 years while they have residency. i dont expect them to live with us forever but the thought of the family splitting up is hard. anyone got advice/ stories of their ofsprings moving down under?is it illegal to kidnap them? i would like to now just concentrate on clearing out our clutter ready to go, not worrying if the kids will ever forgive us!

[kezza36]

hi mate i feel for you and know exactly what you are going though......teens are a nightmare think it must be there duty to think parents are always wrong .

If you have a nose at my threads you will see what I'm going though at the mo with my 15yrs old son but please don't let this put you off i know of plenty of expats with teens who love it ,one advise i will offer is don't do what we did and put a time scale on it , we did this and he held us to IT

Take care

[kdal]

Hi, Thought you might be able to help this lady Kezz LOL


Oh this is difficult especially when your daughter does not want the changes that you need right now. I looked on the internet for a book that I have heard about that might help you and your daughter

Club Expat: A Teenager's Guide to Moving Overseas (Paperback)


I have not read it myself but it might be an idea for you to take a look at it and see what you think then if all ok introduce the book to your daughter to read.

Another quote I have read is :-
What kind of person do the parents want their youngster to become? Do they feel strongly that they want their child to be open to new cultures; to taking on new challenges; to confronting risks? Can they effectively support him or her during this difficult period?


Also gives you thought!

Good luck and hope all turns out well for you all

Regards

[KazzE]

Hi,

I am sure it is illegal to kidnap them, but I told mine I will be drugging them and putting them on the plane
if you have a look through old posts, maybe search 'teens' you will find that most of us with teens have been through some sort of stress at one time or another.

I have a boy of 22 and a girl of 18.

Son has finished uni and is working temp until he decideds what he is going to do, his options depending on when we get visas are to do his masters here which would start in Feb, sign up to do a masters in Melbourne, that is looking less of an option as he needs to sign up soon and we do not have our visas arrrrrrrrrrgggggggggggggggggggggggggh or he could start full time work, which is not an option at the moment as he needs to be dependant on us to come on our visa.

Daughter finished college and had a place at uni which we have deferred until next year as my plan is that she does her degree in Melboune, she however does not want to research her course options or look at what it could be like there because she does not want to go to Australia, everyone is stupid, the weather is stupid, it's too American! etc etc
I have found out that Melbourne uni is 22 in the world legue tables and thier arts dept is 7th higher than any of the uni's she wanted to go to here.

She will be booking on to her course this week - a bumpy week ahead for me I think

It is very hard because I can see her point to a certain degree, very hard to leave friends behind at this age, they are all going off to thier various unis this week end and she will not see most of them until xmas.

but I am sure that this will be a good move for all of us, I know she will get a good degree that will enable her to get a good job.
She has asked why she can't stay here to do her degree - I do not see this as a viable option, she is quite independant but she still wants me to go with her for doc or dentist appointments, ring to sort out her student loan and uni stuff so I cannot see her coping on her own for long and it is such a long way, she would be totally on her own and would have to deal with everything on her own, I have not been too explicit but there are all sorts of stories, flat shares going wrong, accidents happening, finding the course hard, money not coming through etc etc she would probably not be able to talk to us when she needed too, we cannot afford to support her here while we are over there.

We have explained that this is it for us we have to go now, I don't want to wait until she finishes uni, another 3 years, I would be nearly 48 it would be that much harder to find a job etc


probably not much help, but at least you know you are not on your own we all have to find a way, good luck

[Andy & Rach]

Hi guys,

Just to give you an idea from the other side of the story....

My parents moved away when I was 18, originally to France (bit closer), then to Oz (they've been there for just over 3 years now).

I am now 24 and at the time when they first moved it didn't even occur to me to go with them, I was just about to start Uni and plus it was just France at that point!!

They moved over to oz on a temp business visa and just got their permanents a couple of weeks ago.

However, now my partner and I have made the decision that we want to move there. Obviously it's a big help now that my parents can sponsor me now but it still looks like an uphill struggle for us to get there (going for a GSM skilled sponsored visa 176) plus as de-facto.

My point is, I would do anything to get there now, would have been so much easier if I'd gone over when they first did but at the same time would have been smack bang in the middle of my course plus I would never have met Andy and I'd hate to think of my life without him.

I'm sure your kids will think differently when they have made friends over there plus if they left it too late it might make it really difficult for when they did want to move over there........

It's a hard one but as you only have their best interests at heart I'm sure everything will work out ok in the end........

Good luck!

Rach x

[Soexcited!]

thanks to all who took the time to reply to my probs with reluctent/stroppy kids. food for thought; drugging them to fly mmmmmmmmmmmmm! seriously, the bottom line is we want to do the best for our kids but they dont see it as that yet! have mentally switched off from their winging and decided to start clearing 22 years of clutter from loft. what was i thinking when i put it all up there? how sentimental is it to save xmas cards to my fiance, christening cards x4 love letters -LOVE LETTERS!- wow, theres some fun reading to be had in the comming winter months. should make a good fire! 11 months to get to oz ,and counting