panick struck

[kelly]

i had to take my hubby to the hospital on thursday, he was in excrutiating pain in his kidney area and could not move, turns out he has a very very large kidney stone and is on constant pain relief until he gets an appointment for treatment, which i might add sounds very painful, anyway that is not what panicked me, while we were waiting in a and e an elderly man came in with a very bad cut to his hand, so bad they admitted him to operate it was horrible, his daughter and son in law had taken him to the hospital. while sitting there for the 8th hour and listening to everyone elses conversation it suddenly hit me. i wont be here to take my parents to the hospital when they need it and if hospitalised i wont be there to visit them, i got quite upset as we are a very close family and mentioned this to hubby who just replied with "your sister will have to do it," of course she will but if dad needed to go hospital now even for a sprain we would both take him together, got me thinking of alll the little things i wont be here to do and things they will have to go through without me. i went to a friends sons birthday part on say and thought oh no i wont be able to see them on their birthdays and give a big birthday kiss anymore, started to think am i doing the right thing, then i took my daughter to school today stood in the playground and had a look and thought oooooh yes i am doing the right thing but i want to be here to do all the little things for mum dad and sis too, help me someone please i think im going to end up mad

[kdal]

Hi Kelly, I think you are having all the normal feelings that we are all experiencing. But unfortunately You Cant Have It All (so they say), and this sends us mad, as we are only human and do Want It All!! You have to do whats best for you and your new family (kids and OH) as in years to come your children when they have their own children will do whats best for them and their children, and let's face it as parents it's all we want is for our children to be healthy and happy and i'm sure that's the way your parents will see it. We can't be there for every little illness for our parents but I'm going to make sure before I go to Australia that I have some emergency flight money incase I need to get back in a hurry.
I'm sure you'll be fine and that your just going through all the normal emotions.
Gd Luck x

[kelly]

thanks for that kdal, my parents are very supportive of our move and really want us to go for the kids sake, my sister is not, she wont talk about it and wont really aknoledge it, we cant talk about it in front of her, when she found out we had finally decided to apply and she cried all weekend, she doesnt know that i know that and she would never ask me not to go or make me feel bad about going but it will break her heart to see us go,especially the kids, but it just makes me feel very selfish that doing something that i want to do is hurting so many people, and the fact that she is being so brave by not crying in front of me and not creating makes me feel even worse.

[kdal]

Arr Kelly, I really do feel for you and can relate to how you and your sister are feeling. My sister moved to Australia abt 18 months ago her first husband died (was run over) her daughter at the time was only 4 years old. We tried our best to help my sis through her difficult time and looked after our little niece when my sis needed some time out, so we were close. My sis met someone else and they decided to start afresh in a different country, I was heartbroken but never told her so! As she deserved to be happy. I never contemplated in ever moving to Australia and our visit was purely a holiday - But guess what? We are off to Australia too (if we get visa's), so Never Say Never, and you never know your sis could come for a holiday and you could make a difference to her life one day by giving her the opportunity to see Australia and maybe just maybe it will be where she would like to live too!! I know now you will be worrying that if your sis goes to Oz your parents will be without the two of you, but i'm sure its all your parents want is for their children to be happy!
Don't beat yourself up Kelly, things always turn out right in the end.
x

[tahe49]

Hi Kelly

I have had the same feelings just recently, but with my rational head on (worzel gummidge eat your heart out) I think you have to think "is it enough of a reason to stay".

I know staying because I will miss certain parts of my life does not outweigh what we, my OH and two kids are going to benefit from moving. You only have to think about how you have been feeling when the sun has been shining, its a lovely bank holiday weekend and everything (apart from the M25) is rosie.

It doesn't stop me feeling really really crap though each time I think about what and who you are leaving behind

[kelly]

thanks chelle
i know everyone must got throught the same feelings but i just feel like im going nuts at the moment, dont know if im brave enough but then as you say i look my babies (9and 6) and think its all for them, i know i have to go for them and they will probably settle just fine but will i be strong enough to cope when im there, ive never been away from parents and sis, we even holiday together and when my sis goes on holiday for 2 weeks we get upset at good byes, ohhhhh whats wrong with me, maybe i need to start drinking jd it seems to help jo haha

[Vicar of Dibley]

Hi Kelly
Hope your OH is OK. I've had a kidney stone too, so I know what that's like

I just wanted to echo all the posts so far. My Mum-in-law died a few weeks back and now Dad is on his own at the ripe old age of 88. He wants us to go more than anything and so did Mum. But you still worry about how they will cope without you.

Take a good long look at your children. They are the future. As a mum we do what we believe is right for them and their future happiness.

I have a lovely poster in my study which says simply

"The wake does not steer the boat"

Plus the advice to keep some emergency flight money is good and will make you feel better.

BIG HUGZ

VOD

[kelly]

thank you, i feel abit better today, somedays i feel like i cant go and others i cant wait, im sure ill be fine once there, just dont want to do the going bit just want to wake up and be there

[kdal]

Hi Kelly and everyone else,
Glad your feeling better today Kelly, we're all on this emotional rollcoaster together!
Seems we all say the same thing "for our children to have a better future"
Who sang that song, can't think what it was called but the lyrics were
"Let the children be our future, teach them well and let them the lead the way, show them all the beauty they pocess inside, give them a sense of pride ...."
arr wasn't that a lovely song with lovely lyrics
was it George Benson?
Sorry guys know i'm going of beat here but it came to mind Vicar of Dibley mentioned children being our future

[Abi&Dan]

Good sentiment - unfortunately it's Whitney Houston Greatest Love of All, or something

Abi