I have posted on this dilema before but now it has taken another turn. When we first spoke about moving to Oz my mum was not very happy and didnt want to speak about it, so we never spoke about Oz, now we have got our CO and we have had our medicals and waiting on our police checks, I met with a friend last week and my mother had been speaking to a friend of a friend and the friend happen to mention our plans to move, my mother said they could at least wait until i'm dead OMG, what can you say to that, should I speak to her about it, I nearly pulled out of our medicals on friday because she has made me feel so bad, but I keep telling myself that she is selfish and I need to put my family first.
I know this has been covered a few times, but its still good to get it out of your system. When I told my mam that we were going she actually said to me face to face "I hope Im dead before you go". Shes only 54!! The other one was "I feel like Im sitting on a bomb waiting for it to go off and when it does its gonna blow my world apart" (no idea where she got that one from). Lots have things have been said since then and everything did come to a head where as I ended up giving her a few home truths and said some things that as a daughter you maybe dont say. But since then I think she has took on board what I said and things have got better.
Sometimes I dont get peoples reaction that we are selfish to want to leave etc but their reaction is all about how leaving will effect them so isnt that being selfish??
Why dont you speak to her about it maybe it will clear the air cos if not then you might later regret leaving things unsettled depending on how close you are to her.
Is there any chance your mum would follow you out there?
Joanne
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I think sometimes what ever age we are it is very hard for the apron strings to be cut completly free even when our children have grown up and flown the nest, i can understand as a mum how your mum must be feeling - but on the other hand that is wrong of her to say things that im sure in time she will regret saying and also that makes you feel bad and causes alot of upset. Speak to your mum and get the air cleared and point out that all the obvious like how much you love her and the fact that this is your one shot at what you as a family want to do. I left 2 daughters in the UK (the hardest thing i have ever done) they never once said anything horrid to me they just wanted me to be happy and put myself first for a change.
Go for it dont feel guilty lifes too short
good luck
gizmo x
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I too am taking away the only grandchildren 2 girls 2.5yrs and 6mths. My mam said to me that she wished we had gone before we had then but my answer was that she then would not have had any time at all with them. She agreed with this.
Im sure that your mum will come around its all about time......I never thought I would be able to speak to her about it. She has never been on a plane and is terrified but she has told me she is going to try really hard as there is no better incentive to get on a plane than to see us.
Im sure it will come good in the end. (((((hugs)))))
It must be terrible for anyone in that position. It's only because you obviously have a good relationship that you both care, and hurt for the other's future 'loss'.
I don't think it could ever be easy, but neither do I think it's selfish. To be selfish means that you are putting your personal welfare above, and in total disregard to, other people. I would imagine that most people who emigrate do so because they want a better life for their family, not just themselves. And that's not selfish. If you see what I mean. To be honest, even if it were, what's wrong with that? We have one life (even if you believe in reincarnation!) and it would be a total waste if it wasn't as enjoyable as poss.
And if nothing else works, eat chocolate. it always works for me!(Yes, Mrs B, that is why I'm so lardy...:p )
I just wanted to add to this thread as I am also having a terrible time with my mum.
Yesterday was really bad she told me she had'nt slept all night and was crying and sobing so much I could hardly hear her what she was saying, at one point I thought she was going to have a heartattack, she's 70 and had bowel cancer two years ago but is in quite good health now for her age.
I have two other brothers and a sister (Im the youngest) but they do nothing for her and everything is left to me so know Im going the guilt I feel is some days too much to cope with .
My dad died 10 years ago (she has a partner now) but he very much sits on the fence with things which dosent help
Sorry to ramble but I really know who you feel, somedays I just want to say forget it and stay here but I know that is the wrong thing to do as we just want a better future for our children
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As a parent myself i can understand why mums and dads arent too happy about us leaving ,,but ,,in their shoes i would be happy ,if my kids are happy and if that means moving half way across the world so be it ,,hubbys parents werent to impressed when we annonced the move but you sometimes (as selfish as it sounds) have to think about the future for you and your dependants.If my kids want to return to the UK when older ,yes it will break my heart but hopefully it will make them understand why we moved here in the first place and before long they will be heading back to Oz ,and if not ,then best of luck to them,,i cant help thinking alot of the anger is jealousy that they didnt do it ,,,parents ,,can we ever understand them ???
Cal x
it always works for me!(Yes, Mrs B, that is why I'm so lardy...:p )
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