OMG joanne i just wanted to say 'keep your chin up girl' because i really felt for you reading that your mum is not supporting you and i can't imagine how you must be feeling anyway going through all the emotions when getting to the end of the visa process (hoping to feel it one day though!) but then for your mum to give you all her EMOTIONAL BAGGAGE too i just want to say keep strong hun and it'll all come good in the end. I
think you're right to keep thinking of your children because that's really why most of us are doing it for them and i'm sure if your mum is honest with herself she's actually proud of you for being such a good parent and doing your damndest to look after them - if you ever get chance to open up to her and she can be honest with you without feeling hurt and worried and upset that she'll miss you and the kids - ask her if when you were little she wouldn't have done anything to give you a better life???
I feel guilty like guys&dolls because i do everything for my mum - she's on her own after mum and dad getting divorced when i was 4 and she's never remarried or even got a partner now so really on her own and me my oh and my boys are her life really - she picks my boys up from school every day so i know she'll miss them more than anything. she doesn't even speak to my brother so really does depend on us but saying all that she says we are doing the right thing to give our boys a better life - bless her. The only family not to be supportive to us is my oh's sister who i agree with cal is jealous that they never did it and that's why they are angry with us and called us selfish!!!
I always seem to butt into these posts as the older generation, so hope you don't mind. Two of my three kids are settled in Oz, and I was a single parent (and also only child), so this wasn't particularly easy, but four years after my daughter went I'm planning to emigrate myself, now that my own parents have died. I would never have done anything other than encourage them to go for it, but equally, I didn't at the time think seriously about joining them. Who can tell what parents will think once you've been clear that you're making the move, and once you are settled and happy? I'm sure all these mums will be on planes going out to visit pretty soon, and in a couple of years you will all be wondering what the heartbreak was all about. That's my hope for you, anyway. Give your parents credit that they also want the best for you, just as you do for your kids. They are just shocked and hurt at present, and it can feel like rejection..as if you're saying what's good enough for them isn't good enough for you, so to speak.
Lots of tea, hugs and patience may be required.
best of luck.
I dont know about anyone else but my mum is saying there is no way she is moving out with us and wont even say she will come out for a holiday .
She said when we go that means we will never see her again to which I replied "of course you will because we will come back for holidays", to which she replied "where are you going to stay because I have'nt got room for you" I cant win.
Im going to miss her terrible as I know she will miss me but she is just making it impossible
Thank you ladies your words are of great comfort and support, I will try and speak to my mum I really dont want to leave things as they are, sending you all big hugs and enjoy your easter eggs.
hiya
well if i was you i would speak to your mum aobut what the friend of a friend has told you, otherwise it wil eat away at you. you need to clear the air once an for all yes your mum is being selfish but what yu have to remember is that you only have one life and we have to do what we think is best.
when i told my mum that we where thinking of moving to oz she was very positive and understanding, she did get abit upset but what she said was " i have lived my life and i am going to die, you have to live your lives, yes i will miss you all but go for it" i was equally upset by her honesty.
it is hard and i sympathise with your dilema but please speak to your mum, then at least you can say well i tried to talk to my mum etc.
Most bizarre how similar your situation to how I was a year or so ago! My mum was majorly anti wouldn't talk about it for ages, a big 'bury your head in the sand job and it will go away', then she just got snotty! My dad was great and we used to have secret little chats when my mum wasn't around and I found that a great help! He was very supportive however even he became a little distant and quiet before we left. So maybe be prepared for that. I also have 2 sisters, one was great, the other crap!
We stayed with mum and dad for 6 weeks before we came out here and she did start talking about it. All I kept getting was "I can't believe you are taking those boys away from us", my favourite quote back was "I'ts because of THOSE boys we are doing this, to give them a better life" that one worked quite well!
On our last day (we were getting picked up by the taxi at 2 in the afternoon) I had all our stuff to pack and obviously two children to look after. Dad was working and hubby had to go into town to finalise some stuff. Would you believe my mum and sister both went grocery shopping for about 2 hours! It was like her way of saying if your doing this do it on your own! And I bloody did! I have to say I can probably understand her reasons and I can (just) forgive her but I will never forget that and I have to say it's still a little raw even now, 5 months later.
They have just left here from visiting and she seemed to enjoy it here, but my dad kept looking at houses and she said "I'm not living in Australia"! So I think that one is a case of watch this space. The funny thing is for that last few years I have wanted nothing more than my parents to come out here as well. Whereas now I think along the lines of if they do all well and good, if they don't well never mind (even though I do miss my dad a lot, he's not very good at talking on the phone). I think It's because I have realised I have my own family now, I am a lot stronger, a lot more independant and It is amazing what you can do and what you can cope with when you put your mind to it!
Sorry If this is all a bit of a ramble, but it's felt quite good to get it all of my chest and in black and white and I hope it will help some of you out there!
Hi Joanne,
It's not selfish to want to offer your family a better life. Your mum is obviously hurt and sad that you're going and is expressing this through anger. Have a chat to her, be truthful, you can't live your life for her you have to live it for you and your family. Sometimes opportunities don't come around again due to circumstances changing - you have to take the moment when the time is right. Would she rather you stay and be unhappy? Maybe asking her that may help her see that doing what she wants you to do would make you sad too.
You may have a fall out with your mum for a little while, but things will resolve before you go, Crack on with your medicals, your mum will have to face the reality of it - when you get your visa, you'd still have another 4 years after validation to move if you needed more time.
Ali
__________________ I am toopositive to be doubtful, too optimistic to be fearful and too determined to be defeated!
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