How do you cope with saying goodbye to parents

Morven33 · 03-04-2007, 07:32 AM

Hi all

This is a question for all of you who are lucky to be there already. How stressful was it saying goodbye to parents? Both my hubby's parents and my mum (she's been a widow for 17 years) are distraught. You'd think we were dying the way they are acting and I feel so selfish because I'm really not too bothered about leaving anyone. Of course I'll miss my Mum but it's kind of putting a dampner on this great big adventure my family are about to have. My husband leaves on Saturday

and I'm going to be here for three months with my kids before I go. Now I'm getting to see how upset everyone is because he's going and I'm (them too) going to have to go through it all again in July

I dont know how I'll cope. I'm a bit apprehensive at having to fly on my own with two kids, plus ship the dog out before I go but I don't think my family are going to appreciate that, their world is going to end when I leave with the kids, or so you'd think. How did you cope with leaving family.

Do you think I sound selfish?

koala12 · 03-04-2007, 07:38 AM

Hi
I found it VERY hard saying goodbye to my parents and felt and still feel very guilty about leaving them as Dad will be 80 this year and Mum 74 and there is always the thought in the back of your mind that something might happen to them and you won't be there. Neither of my parents made me feel 'bad' about leaving and were encouraging and supportive but you can't help how you feel!

Stuju · 03-04-2007, 07:50 AM

Hi morven33,

No i don´t think you sound selfish, the build up to leaving is awful not only for those that are leaving but also for those being left behind and i did try and avoid peeps as much as i could (guess that may of been selfish). We all copr in different ways as many of us a more emotional than others, i myself left 2 daughters in the uk and i cried buckets before i said goodbye during and for weeks after.

When that actual moment comes it is a very emotional time, i left my parents at Malaga airport (as they live in Spain) and just about howled all the way back to Stanstead on the flight !!!! everyone on board must of thought i´d been let out of the loony bin for the day - but i really didnt care who thought what.
On saying goodbye to my hubbys family i did weep a bit but was no where near emotional as my own family.

You say your mums putting a damper on your family adventure, i can understand how she feels and how you feel - but try and see it from her side as a mum and how you would be feeling if you children were leaving to fly to the other side of the world leaving you behind.(i dont mean that to sound awful on your behalf - but even once our kids have grown up and fled the nest the apron strings still tugg away at our hearts.
Have a good one
gizmo

johatts · 03-04-2007, 08:23 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Morven33

Hi all

This is a question for all of you who are lucky to be there already. How stressful was it saying goodbye to parents? Both my hubby's parents and my mum (she's been a widow for 17 years) are distraught. You'd think we were dying the way they are acting and I feel so selfish because I'm really not too bothered about leaving anyone. Of course I'll miss my Mum but it's kind of putting a dampner on this great big adventure my family are about to have. My husband leaves on Saturday

and I'm going to be here for three months with my kids before I go. Now I'm getting to see how upset everyone is because he's going and I'm (them too) going to have to go through it all again in July

I dont know how I'll cope. I'm a bit apprehensive at having to fly on my own with two kids, plus ship the dog out before I go but I don't think my family are going to appreciate that, their world is going to end when I leave with the kids, or so you'd think. How did you cope with leaving family.

Do you think I sound selfish?

WHEN WE DECIDED TO GO TO AUSTRALIA WE WENT THROUGH THOUSANDS OF EMOTIONS WITH DIFFERENT MEMBERS OF THE FAMILY. SOME WERE "GOOD ON YA - ENJOY - COME BACK IF ITS CRAP!" AND OTHERS COULDNT BELIEVE WE WERE THINKING ABOUT IT AND WOULDNT EVEN DISCUSS IT!

WHEN WE LEFT WE HAD LOTS OF LITTLE GOODBYE PARTIES TO ENSURE THAT WE HAD QUALITY TIME WITH EVERYONE THAT MEANT THE WORLD TO US. WE TOOK MY NANNA OUT TO LUNCH, WE SAW FRIENDS FOR DRINKS AND DINNER, OTHER FRIENDS FOR LUNCH.

THE WEEKEND BEFORE WE LEFT WE SPENT AT MY PARENTS. MY MUM COOKED ALL OUR FAVOURITE MEALS FOR US AND WE SAT UP ALL NIGHT REMINISCING AND TALKING ABOUT WHAT WE WOULD DO WHEN WE GOT THERE. MY BROTHER WAS THERE TOO.

WE HAD LOTS OF NICE EMAILS WHEN WE LEFT BUT A PARTICULARLY NICE ONE FROM MY DAD WHO SAID A LOT OF GORGEOUS THINGS ALONG WITH HOW PROUD HE WAS OF ME. WE GOT THAT WHILE IN THE AIRPORT WAITING TO LEAVE.

IT IS A LOT OF BUILD UP AND WHAT YOU HAVE TO REMEMBER IS (SELFISH OR NOT) IS THAT YOU LIVE YOUR LIFE FOR YOURSELF AND NOT FOR OTHERS. MY PARENTS TAUGHT ME THAT FROM A YOUNG AGE.

LEAVING IS THE HARDEST PART. NOONE WENT WITH US TO THE AIRPORT WHICH IN SOME WAYS WAS GOOD BUT IN OTEHR WAYS I PERSONALLY WOULDVE LOVED SOMEONE THERE TO OFFICIALLY SEE US OFF!!! HOWEVER YOU DO GET OVER IT AND YOU CAN GET ON WITH YOUR LIVES HERE.

WEB CAMS , MSN MESSENGER AND THE INTERNET HAVE MADE MY LIFE HERE MUCH MUCH EASIER AS i SEE MY PARENTS EVERY OTHER DAY ON THE WEBCAM AND FEEL THAT I AM PART OF THEIR LIFE EVEN THOUGH I AM HERE.

PM ME IF YOU WANT TO KNOW ANYTHING ELSE

THE JONEZYS · 03-04-2007, 09:31 AM

Well I've gota say, my mum has been fantastic. She totally supported us all the way thro', she helped out with the cost and came with us on our reccie 2 years ago. When we sold our house with no visa in sight she squeezed all 5 of us into her tiny little 2 bed bungalow.
My dad died 3 years ago and she has been on her own since then so having us descend on her was like a whirl wind blowing thro' her neat as a pin, orderly life and after 2 months of chaos she waved us off and thro' great heaving sobs said to me ......your doing the right thing, don't let anyone ever tell you different................

In all honesty when we finally left it was a relief. Those final few days were the hardest with everyone breaking down at the sight of us. It was as if everyone around us was in mourning so we had to pretend to be sad as well when really we were overcome with excitement.
The hardest time was the night before we left, we had people in and out all day and I thought I was all cried out as 3 days before we had had the official leaving do. My 2 older sons went to the pub with there mates while we did the last of the packing but then at 10:30 they came home....with about 20 mates. I'm a softy at the best of times but to be faced with all these 18/19 yo sobbing and begging us not to take there friends away was too much. Some of these kids they had gone to nursery with and now here they were grown men and women and it struck me that having known them most of there lives, I wouldn't know what they grew up to be, I wouldn't be around to attend there weddings or see there children born. Thats when I realised what everyone else was feeling and the tears most definately flowed........so I did the only sensible thing and invited them all to come visit whenever they wanted.........we have 6 arriving in August!!! But hey they might like it and want to stay.
Whatever your feeling, whatever your going thro' its been gone thro' and felt by others before you and even if what your feeling is unique......its still quite normal.
Lesley x

Ian&Lou · 03-04-2007, 10:04 AM

Oh Lesley...you got my eyes leaking again!

Lou

THE JONEZYS · 03-04-2007, 10:09 AM

Well hope i've redeemed myself with the PM Lou.....................

Lesley x

joetrac · 03-04-2007, 11:58 AM

It is awful..the worst thing I have ever done in my life... be prepared !

Morven33 i have PM you re North Brisbane suburbs.

motherof2 · 03-04-2007, 01:50 PM

I've got that leaking eye syndrome too!. Why do I read these threads?!!! I told my parents in Feb and they could completely understand why we are going. Mum's taken it worse than my Dad - she hates flying and my sister is already in Melbourne so she'll have no kids or g'kids left here. At the moment we don't make a point of discussing it, it's safer that way. The thing that upset me was that she brought over my weding dress that has been in their loft since I got married the other day. Now I know that the dress wasn't just inside the loft it was burried deep in it's bowels. Why give it too me now? We're not intending to go until next year.
Anyway sorry to rant. We all will feel guilty, but we have to do what we know is right for ourselves and our kids. I know this sounds really harsh, but our parents aren't going to be around forever, and by then it will be too late to make the move. So make the most of the time left in the UK and pour your hearts out here on PIO.

Morven33 · 05-04-2007, 07:28 AM

Thanks everyone for your replies. I know I sounded a bit harsh but I am the youngest of five and the only girl to make matters worse and all my brothers are useless. My Mum and I dont have a huge emotional connection so I dont know how to deal with her when she does get upset. I suppose I'm annoyed that I cannot help her emotionally as she never breaks down in front of me, though I know she does in private. She is a very pround person. She always said she wanted to go to Australia, and I just keep telling her I'm giving her that chance, I make light of the situation. Same too with all my nieces and nephews (I have 22

) I just tell her that I'm creating an opportunity for them too so I may be like you Lesley and have 6 arriving at the same time

. I'd love that though and keep telling them all, and my sons friends, to come out for their gap year and spend a year with us.

I think I'm just hugely emotional just now as my husband leaves in 2 days time. Its weird, I keep thinking we're just all going on holiday, thought its only him and he's not coming back. Roll on the next three months, I have a feeling they are going to be a bit fraught!!!