Can anyone please please help me? My 14 year old son is reluctant to come with us. My husband is leaving in 2 weeks for Brisbane to start work and as we have not sold the house yet, I have decided to stay until July with the kids until it is sold.
My son will be 15 in September. He has recently got himself a girlfriend whom he is besotted with. He does not want to leave her and his friends. His behaviour has become increasingly worse in the last few months and just tonight he came home drunk, saying that he has promised his girlfriend he will not go. I am at my wits end I don't know what to do with him. He says he's let everyone down and does not know what to do for the best. I have previously tried to reason with him, saying that if he really hates it by the time he is 16 he can come back to Scotland and live with his grandparents, in reality hoping that he loves it and will stay. I suppose the question I am asking myself is am I a bad parent making him come with us in the first place? Its really hard knowing the right thing to do. I know in my heart I am giving him the chance of a lifetime but as a 14 year old he doesnt quite see it that way.
My heart goes out to you.
Its an awfull situation to be in, I know I've been there.
My son is a lot older than yours but its still hard.
He was 18 when we started our application and at college, soon after we passed the TRA he moved out of our house and left college, making him no longer dependant on us and so unable to be on our application.
We spent over a year at our wits end and then 2 months before our visa was granted he moved back home and said he would come on a working visa, just to have a look. He lasted all of 8 weeks in Aus before slipping off back to England when he thought noone was looking!
In hindesight we should have left him in England untill we were all settled and then let him come over for a holiday. As it was, he was with us thro' all the stress's and strains of arriving, finding a house, cars, schools and everything else. We were living with family all the while he was here and just as we found a rental he left, without experiancing true Aussie life.
If your husband is coming out first, does that mean that he will have somewhere for you to live on arrival? At 14/15 I think I would make the offer to him of going back as long as he agrees to give it a go for, say, a year. I'm pretty sure after a few months of school out here and all the pretty Aussie girls he will want to stay.
Best of luck with it all, its not easy with older ones I know but if you just get him out here living the life, im sure he will come round!!
By the way I have an 18yo and an 8yo who are still with us and wouldn't go home if you paid them right now.
Lesley
Been there done that & designed the t shirt !!!!
Teens are such hard years for any parent let alone when the family is deciding to move to the other side of the world !!! i can understand how your son must be feeling as he is at the age where he is settled at school with alot going on, got his group of mates and to him it probably feels as if you are shattering his own little world,.
You have lots to think about i.e would you really be able to let him stay emotion wise (its not easy to leave kids in the uk believe me) would his grandparents be able to cope with looking after a teen. I think maybe you should all get together mum/dad/grandparents/your son and only sibblings he has and all sit round and discuss this in depth, it may just change the way he feels.
But if you do decide to let him stay in the UK - don´t feel that you are a bad parent, you would be just putting him first and who knows after a couple of months even for a boy 14/15 is still a very young age to be a long way from mum & dad.
Good luck with it all and keep us posted
gizmo
Hi Ive sent you a PM, but re reading your original post. No you are not a bad parent, don't beat yourself up, be confident in your decision and he will follow. Insure he knows that although you repect him and his thoughts this is not his descion (in view of him only being 14) therefore you will take away some of his guilt at letting you down. He will then become rancy and not speak to you but thats ok at least he can secretly begin to think about his better life to come in Aus. Perants can never do the right thing sometimes but we can only do waht we think is the best. PM relates to when he is older Hope all works out for you Best wishes Gilly
Thanks so much for your replies. I hardly slept a wink last night! Its just so hard seeing your child upset and knowing you are causing it. I have told him I love him and that I'm his parent and I am trying to do what's best for us as a family. Suppose I will just have to dig my heels in as far as he can. It's comforting to know that I am not the only one who has gone through this, or is facing these difficulties and I can empathise with those who have faced similar situations. My son is still asleep and I'm sure he's going to wake up with a big hangover, but I will let you know how I get on with him.
Thanks again, PIO is truly a great site and everyone is so helpful
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Better to have tried and failed than never tried at all
Sorry , But I'm an old fashioned type of person and last time I looked 14 year olds still came under their parents jurisdiction ? Its hard but you are the boss . In 10 years(and probably a lot less) he will have left. Where does that leave you ? My mrs reckons Im too hard but I believe that my parents had their lives (and done what they wanted to do ) My children will have their lives (and do what they want to do ), But this one is ours. you cant live for your parents or your children. This is your life ,It aint a dress rehearsal and you aint coming back . "MO"
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Its better to regret things you,ve done then things you havent.... But , Never regret Growing old Because some people never have the privilege.
It may be helpful if there's any 14 year olds who your son can contact who have made the move and are happy. 14 is a difficult age, adolesence, hormones etc., and truth be told he's probably scared to death of moving to the other side of the world and not having any friends - so being able to chat to someone whose been there may help him - after all it's what we all do by coming on PIO. And of course .... adults never understand what kids are going through ... do they!!
Ali
__________________ I am toopositive to be doubtful, too optimistic to be fearful and too determined to be defeated!
I was really lucky when I was 12 I was sent to stay for 3 months with relatives in L.A, USA - I loved every second and the travel bug has never left me.
I think that it's going to be a huge move for your son, but once he gets out there and sees all the gorgeous tanned girlies and starts to make new friends, I'm sure he'll soon feel right at home.
You could, as I'm sure you already have, suggest that his best friend or girlfriend could come over for a holiday - it's unlikely that they would, but it might make him feel better.
I think it would be such a shame if he doesn't go and I'm sure that in 5-10 years time he would be kicking himself.
Good luck - I have a feeling your going to need it, but it will be worth it in the end!
