How much I want Australia...

nj · 22-03-2007, 04:54 PM

Some of you may of read my thread "My dream is over..."

Well, an update is required. My father-in-law's growth is pre-cancerous and he has NEVER used sun cream in his life NOR covered up AND also goes on plenty of holidays in the sun.

Good news, eh? No. My wife's parents are not planning to go to Oz ever now. Her sister won't go if they dont go and my wife won't go if neither of them go. And I thought she'd left home...

She now wants to stay in the UK... with the rest of her family.

Am I expecting too much? When we got together she didn't get on with her family, we always had a dream of getting out the UK. Our best chance was for me to get a degree and get some experience working. I've done that, stuck to my side of the deal.

My sons are 14 and 16 and I expect in about 5 years time they'll want to make their own decisions. However my daughter is only 2 and thats a lot of years before she becomes independant. By then I'll be too old, about 55. Maybe I can look at it as somewhere to retire...

I've read some posts here of people who are leaving behind sons or daughters from a previous marriage. I've contemplated this, thats how much I want Australia. I don't think I can leave my daughter tho. I feel trapped in a life I didn't agree to, we talked about what we wanted in life at the beginning and we both wanted the same things. Do I need to give it more time? Should I keep pushing?

Neil

chellem · 22-03-2007, 05:17 PM

Hi Neil

I can totally understand your frustration especially if it is something that you have been working towards for a long time, how ever, you cant make someone do something that they dont want to as it just wont work. If you forced your wife to go to oz she wouldnt be happy you both have to be 100% behind it. Do your two older children want to go? I think having a two year old daughter and two teenagers should seriously make your wife think about the move - you need to ask her what future she thinks your children will have here and what future they will have in oz and see which one suits you both.

As awful as it may sound you cant sit around and wait for people to die and you cant live your life by other people. This is your life and its about you. your wife and your kids. Just because her sister and parents dont want to go that shouldnt stop you from going? I will miss my nana and grandads loads but I have to do whats best for my own family.

I wouldnt push your wife at the min give it time to settle down sounds like you have all had a lot happening recently - the more you push the more she will dig her heals in

Hope this helps and good luck

Chelle x

hays · 22-03-2007, 06:13 PM

Hi Neil,
i can sympathise with your situation at the moment. And i understand how your feeling, It was something you both wanted and pushed for and now one of you is pushing the other way. The thing is, unless you can both agree then one of you will be unhappy. I think chelle is right. leave it for a bit and let the dust settle ( i know it will be hard as we all live and breathe oz at the moment), then try again. I think the realism of staying is this country bringing up children knowing that there is a better future out there for them, will slowly sink in. good luck neil, and keep us informed.
hays x

ItsJo · 22-03-2007, 07:30 PM

Hi Neil...What a right crappy time for all of you right now..At times like these there never seems to be a light, Things feel as if they go from bad to worse, and you must feel so helpless..I think at times of sadness, guys often get the raw end of the deal and are sometimes forgotten..I know I sometimes forget that Paul has needs to..
It must be absolutely awful for your wife, she probably feels like she is being tugged in all directions..For now I would say go with the flow..Australia can wait, ok not forever but for the time being..
Life just doesn't seem fair at times, but I am a great believer in whats to be will be..If your destiny is Australia, then one day you will be there..Maybe not this year or even next..But one day you will..
thinking of ya all

Jo x

THE JONEZYS · 22-03-2007, 08:49 PM

Have any of you been over to Aus at any time?
How about a holiday for you all so you can have a look around. This may help your wife and boys make a decision.
There is no easy answere to this but I wish you all the best with it.
Lesley

Stuju · 22-03-2007, 11:52 PM

Hi Neil,
My heart goes out to you, i can really relate to your emotions and how down you must be feeling right now, you say you feel trapped in a life you didnt agree to ! all i can say is that sometimes we have to be cruel to be kind and at the end of the day we all only get one shot at life. Personally i have been through the most awful emotions and life lessons in the last 5 years, divorcing - and moving to oz and leaving 2 of my 3 daughters in the uk,no one can give you the answer that you want to hear, you are the only person who can decide which path in life you are going to take.Think long and hard before making any decisions becuase once you have its impossible to turn back the clock.
Take care
gizmo

johatts · 23-03-2007, 08:53 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by nj

Some of you may of read my thread "My dream is over..."

Well, an update is required. My father-in-law's growth is pre-cancerous and he has NEVER used sun cream in his life NOR covered up AND also goes on plenty of holidays in the sun.

Good news, eh? No. My wife's parents are not planning to go to Oz ever now. Her sister won't go if they dont go and my wife won't go if neither of them go. And I thought she'd left home...

She now wants to stay in the UK... with the rest of her family.

Am I expecting too much? When we got together she didn't get on with her family, we always had a dream of getting out the UK. Our best chance was for me to get a degree and get some experience working. I've done that, stuck to my side of the deal.

My sons are 14 and 16 and I expect in about 5 years time they'll want to make their own decisions. However my daughter is only 2 and thats a lot of years before she becomes independant. By then I'll be too old, about 55. Maybe I can look at it as somewhere to retire...

I've read some posts here of people who are leaving behind sons or daughters from a previous marriage. I've contemplated this, thats how much I want Australia. I don't think I can leave my daughter tho. I feel trapped in a life I didn't agree to, we talked about what we wanted in life at the beginning and we both wanted the same things. Do I need to give it more time? Should I keep pushing?

Neil

Neil,

Whats more important? Your marriage or Australia? I think that is the bottom line here. there has to be give and take in every relationship. My husband has 2 kids from his first marriage. They turned 19 in Jan. They remained in the UK. I NEVER wanted to come to Australia. I wanted to live in the States but hubby and I worked out pro`s and con`s for each and I came here!
It was always a gamble for us but like you we wanted a better life and could see nothing left for us except friends and family in the UK.

Have you talked about this situation with your wife? Are they are underlying reasons? Or are the family being used as the excuse because perhaps she really doesnt want to go and doesnt know how to tell you????

windsor · 23-03-2007, 10:43 AM

Hi Neil..

I think you should just give your wife time at the moment. Even if you don't have the closest relationship with a family member, when told that they might not have too long left then you want to be there for them and perhaps she felt that she wanted to be there for him.. Such a shock to the system and wouldn't have been right for you wife to say "sorry about your illness, but adios we are off to Oz".. Now with this news things might change for you both but just leave it be for a little while or she will dig her heels in and there will no doubt be big arguments in your household..

As suggested perhaps take a holiday in Oz and it might work!!

Good Luck
Shani