I need some friendly advice!

[misslilly]

I know no-one can tell me what to do, but I am sooo tormented by the thoughts in my head, I could really do with some perspective and thoughts.

To cut a very long story short, my only relatives (two sisters) live in Perth. When I married I moved over there with new hubby but it was a whirlwind decision, I just said we're off and didn't look into a thing!

Anyway, hubby got a job but only labouring and he'd just started bricklaying in UK. He didn't really settle straight away (we were living with my sis and heavily pregnant), and he wasn't earning much money so he said was coming back to UK for 3-4 years to learn the bricklaying trade whilst earning good money.

We've now been back in UK for 3 years and am renting, with the view of returning to Perth. In Jan started worrying about house prices in Perth and decided to stay here in UK longer and buy a house. Only prob is about 4 weeks ago I started having 2nd thoughts and wanted to go and be with my sisters (oldest sister has been diagnosed with secondary cancer and her hubby left her).

So we decided to go to Perth, but now am having second thoughts again! Am worried am only doing this for my sisters. Although I love Oz, there are things I am not so keen on and am worried about jobs, money etc etc (earn quite good money here) and I have great friends here and a good social circle. I do have a 3 year old boy and think about his future, would it be better in Oz than here?

I feel I am torn in half and am changing my mind about 5 times a day! Any views/insights/wisdom??

[chellem]

Hi

I know how you feel I was adamant I wasn't moving my husband has been trying to get me to go for years but one day I thought enough is enough and we are going for the kids. There is nothing for them in this country and while they may not have much in oz at least they will be living in a nicer country with beaches and wildlife etc.

Your situation is a bit different - only you can decide what you want to do! I would make a list one for England and one for oz and see which one ticks most boxes. The way I look at it my kids stand no chance of getting a house or decent job over here so for us its the right option.

I know its really hard to make a decision and the thought of moving to the other side of the world is very scary - at least you do have your sisters over there though and I'm sure you will make new friends.

Sorry I'm not much help!

Chelle xx

[ali]

Why not return to Oz for a holiday first? You obviously want to be with your sister to support her. Being in there may help you decide if you want to live in the UK or Oz. I'd say don't rush into anything, take your time see how things are for your sister first and enjoy some time with her before making the decision about moving. My brother was living in Oz and not sure if he really wanted to settle there, a trip back to the UK made up his mind and he's now been settled in Brisbane for several years, have a think about what you want in your life (friends are a big part of that), and then look at where for you and your family you can best achieve it.

Ali

[misslilly]

Hi Chelle

Thanks for your reply. It does help knowing that I am not the only one worrying about it all!

I must admit I do worry about my son's future here in the UK. At the moment it's ok as he is young and is not influenced by things going on in the 'outside world' as it were, but it won't be long before he is! I do know he would love it in Oz.

Where about's are you planning to move to? Hope all goes well with your plans, and thanks again for your reply.

Sam xxx

[misslilly]

Hi Ali

Thanks, that's a good idea actually, a lot cheaper than moving over then having to move back, again!!

I think I probably worry too much about things out of my control.

How you settled in to life in Perth. Did you find it easy to get a job and make new friends? Do you think you'll stay?

Sam xxx

[chellem]

hi we want to go to brisbane but my husband doesnt have enough experience in plastering yet so we r working on it! as soon as we think we can pass tra we will go for it the sooner the better really now ive decided i want to go i want to go now - typical woman!

Ali's idea sounds really good - why cant i ever think of good ideas lol.

hope it all works out for you

chelle x

[nj]

Misslilly, when I have to make life changing decisions I imagine myself in the future as an old man looking back over his life and if there is a decision that I would regret not taking, then I take it. I already have some regrets I carry with me and I'd rather live life with no more. If it helps I always to tick charts also and add weighting to them, see which gets the higher points. Best of luck.
Neil

[ali]

Hi Misslilly,

We've settled very quickly in perth, the kids love it. Hubby and I both got jobs before we arrived, I'm a mental health nurse and emailed hospitals near to areas we wanted to live (we didn't want to spend hours driving), and asked if they had any posts available and sent them my cv, some replied then nothing else, others followed it through and I got offerred a job before my visa. Hubby also emailed companies, both of us had telephone interviews and it's not unusual to be offerred a 3 month contract which unless you're awful is turned permanant.

At this stage I can't see us going back, we've just got the keys to our own property and are now anxiously waiting our furniture from the UK.

I'm starting to make friends, and this has really been through contact who I met on one of the forums , we seemed to get along, sent lots of emails etc., and then met up when we arrived, she's been great and introduced me to some others people.

so far so good for us but I think starting work quickly (within the month) helped us feel normal and that we were living here rather than on holiday.

Ali x

[koalakids]

Hi misslilly, It seems you have some very difficult choices to make and have to make a hard decision either way and stick with it! I'm guessing that with you having just bought a house in the UK, you haven't got much equity to take with you (dosh). As you may well know, the Perth housing market has rocketed and when you temper this against low-ish wages, you must be prepared to be less well off. I feel that you want to 'have your cake and eat it' which just isn't possible. It sounds to me that you have made yourselves a good life with friends in the UK and are happy. You have left Perth once before to come back, you'd probably do it again.....what's changed since you were last there? I think your loyalty to your family and new life in the UK is what you should be concentrating on. It's natural to feel a loyalty to caring for your sister but can't your other sister who is out in Perth do that? We always want the best for our families, especially when there are children involved. But at what cost? Good luck with your decision.

[Gollywobbler]

[quote=misslilly;92353]I know no-one can tell me what to do, but I am sooo tormented by the thoughts in my head, I could really do with some perspective and thoughts.

Anyway, hubby got a job but only labouring and he'd just started bricklaying in UK. He didn't really settle straight away (we were living with my sis and heavily pregnant), and he wasn't earning much money so he said was coming back to UK for 3-4 years to learn the bricklaying trade whilst earning good money.

We've now been back in UK for 3 years and am renting, with the view of returning to Perth.

**********************************************

Hi Misslilly

How long did you live in Oz for last time around and is your visa a Permanent Residence one or would you have to start the visa process again?

Also, was your son born in Oz and did you and OH have PR in Oz at the time? If the answer is "yes" and "yes" then I believe that your son has an automatic right to immediate Australian citizenship, doesn't he? If so, I would grab an Australian passport for him pronto, to give him the choice for the rest of his life without any visa-hassle to worry about in the future.

I hear all your concerns and I think it is a next-to-impossible shot for you to call, but I am just wondering whether it would pay you and Hubby to go back to Oz soon and stick it out for a couple of years, because if you already have PR then you would qualify for Citizenship under the current rules. As with your son, once you have Citizenship, you can pick and choose for the rest of your lives.

My feeling is that this is a decision that you have to make because it is the right decision for you, not for your sisters. If you go rushing back to Oz without really wanting to, and really only because you are worried about your older sister and feel you should be there to support her, then for one thing you are less likely to be able to settle in successfully. Secondly, if she feels that you have only gone back there for her sake, with a heavy heart, then she might simply feel incredibly guilty about your return, which wouldn't help her at all.

However, if your real goal is Citizenship so that you can keep all the options wide open for yourselves and your son (and any future children) for the rest of your lives, then I think you would be doing your son a huge favour and I'm inclined to think you might be doing so for yourselves too....

These are only my own thoughts on the matter, but I felt it might be worth chucking them into the ring since nobody else on this thread has mentioned this particular angle as yet.

Good luck, hun, whatever you decide in the end.

Cheers

Gill :frown: