My latest dilemma is my mum in emotional turmoil about our move. My Dad died a few weeks ago and she's been staying with me for a few weeks. She's known about us wanting to go for about 2 years but chose not to think about it while Dad was sick. I think she thought it was a passing phase and would blow over. She knows lots of people who have been to Australia in her age group (70) and they all slag it off such as flies, mossies, too hot, no culture etc. When I explain our reasons for going she says she doesn't blame us as the country has gone to the dogs. A few hours later she saying why do we want to leave when we have everything so good here. Last week out of the blue she said she'd come with us for a few months when we go for good then she only has to go one leg of the trip home on her own. Then this week she spoke to her next door neighbours who've just returned from a cricket tour down under and said why would we want to go to Melbourne. It's a small city and we'd be bored. I've read lots of posts from the forums about how great it is but it cut no ice.
I know she is scared of flying and worried about travelling so far but she can afford to go business class. My friend from Shanghai has just bought a house in the mountains near Melbourne and raved about it on the phone to my mum which bought her round a bit. I said if we were moving to Spain she'd have no problem with it. It's just that Australia is so far away. She admitted I was right.
We only see her about 5 times a year as she's in Liverpool and we're in Hampshire so she won't miss us day to day. She leads a very full life with activities and lots of friends so she won't be lonely. We've promised to come home every year but I really want her to spend the winter with us.
Anyone else had problems with parents? Did it get better after the move or worse? Any advice would be gratefully appreciated.
Location: From Bury,Manchester To Jimboomba, Brisbane
Posts: 6,409
Hiya like you we had problems but it was the hubbys parents ,we applied around the time sydney was having riots ,and youd have thought Oz was Iraq if you listened to them ,we tried explaining our reasons ,like doing it for the kids and a better life ,all falling on what seemed like deaf ears ,,it continued up till the day we left but thankfully they didnt hold a grudge,i think you have to grin and bear it ,maybe when you actually book flights etc she will realise your going and ease up on you,you will always find someone has a downer on you for moving but you have to think of you and your family ,,good luck
Cal x
Glad to hear that someone is in the same boat as me! My mum is not taking things very well at all, I try not to tell her too much as we have a long wait until we get our visa (probably Nov/Dec). My mum has a partner who she seems happy with , I have three brothers in the UK so there are another three grandchildren for my mum to fuss over but she seems to be forgetting this - I feel like we are committing a crime! I have never heard so many negative comments come from someone that has never even set foot in OZ - I totally understand that it is only natural for her to feel upset at the thought of only seeing us once a year but we have got to do the best for our children and put ourselves first for once.
We are just letting all the comments go over our heads because we want to move to OZ so badly and to live our dream giving the kids a relaxed healthy lifestyle!
Keep your chin up and try not to let things get you down and think about you and your family, your mum will come around in the end as I am sure that my mum will too!
I really feel for you. Do you have a family of your own?
She will understand you just need to give her time. Parents are strange creatures.... they always see you as their child some that ought to do as they tell you. You have to do what is right for you, you only get one chance to get it right. Plus, if you don't like Melbourne there is nothing stopping you trying some where else. I would never live in Liverpool..... (nothing personal to Liverpudlians) Each to there own thats what I say.
Hi Gail
We Are In The Same Boat But Its My Morther In Law That Will Not Talk About Us Going. If Anybody Talk To Us About It She Just Walks Away Very Cross With Anybody That Brings It Up. My Brother In Law Gets Married In Sept So We Have To Stay For The Wedding But We Have Our Visas And Somedays I Just Want To Go As Soon As. I Love My Mother In Law Very Much And Will Miss Her Loads, My Father In Law Is Really Good He Know Why We Want To Go But She Will Not Even Let Him Talk To Her About It. We Are Just Going To Have To Give Her Time Thats All We Can Do
Sharon
I have been here 2 years now ( on feb 9th anyway!). My husband and I had very mixed emotions when we told our parents!! His parents both said `we dont want you to go but you have to do what you want to do. you only have 1 life!` Now having both been out here to see us his parents can see what a difference it has made to our life and both plead with us never to come home! They said we have such a good life here.
When I told my parents it was very mixed emotions. My Dad is a matter of fact man and whatever we wanted to do then so be it. Deep down he really wasnt sure that we would do it! He actually said that to us after we had left. My Dad sent me the most gorgeous email that I collected in the internet cafe at Heathrow Airport! We went through to Departures bawling our eyes out!
As far as my Mum , I was living the dream that she always wanted to do. She found it very very hard to think about what we were doing and would not talk about it , to us or any visitors! We had to prep visitors before we got there to say `dont mention australia`.
After a while she realised that we were going to go anyway no matter what anyone said!! She then began to get involved in what was happening. We were happy to send both sets of parents any information that we could to try and reassure them that we were doing this and doing it right!!
They will come round! Mine did! The hardest part is telling relatives. I have an aunt and uncle and three cousins (all boys of 11,12,13 when we left!). Our last night with them was terribly hard! I had to tell my Nan and say goodbye knowing that I may never see her again. I actually didnt see her again as she died after we had been here 18 months.
Once you are here and settled it will be good. Involve parents in your emails, letters that you get. Show them emails of houses you want to look at, areas you want to live in. It will all work out! My parents are now about to send off their application for a contributory parent visa!
probably didnt help that I kept saying "we are just moving house!" everyones over-reacting!!!
It will work out! They will come round and no matter what they are parents and they will always love and respect you!
Joanne
Once they see what a great quality of life you will have they will understand. My parents have put in their CPV application and all fingers crossed that they will be out next year for good!
Location: From Bury,Manchester To Jimboomba, Brisbane
Posts: 6,409
Dont worry Gail it gets better ,your that far away you dont from them as much !!! we had simlar problems with hubbys mum but she seems to have come around bit now we are actually here but contact is vague ,,youll be too busy enjoyin Oz to worry ,,there comes a time to think about you and your family instead of others no matter how heartless it sounds.
Cal x
telling people
