Aging Parent

George · 11-04-2006, 08:04 PM

Hello, I know this is a dilemma that many have faced but would really appreciate any advice / views on the issue of leaving elderly parents behind. I am currently in the process of applying for a visa for my family and I (wife plus 2 children 14 & 13).

I have an elderly mother in her 70's who is very family oriented and who adores us and the grandchildren. She will not travel. I feel absolutely torn between moving away and starting a new life in Australia or hanging around the UK to support her and missing an opportunity. I can't face telling her as I know she will feel that I'm abandoning her in her old age. I have a single sister who still lives at home and who has never grown up. I feel duty bound to give my family the best possible chance in life and yet feel this overwhelming loyalty to be there and help her in her twighlight years. My sister will also not have any direct blood relatives once we leave - which again makes me feel guilty.

Any words of wisdom or experiences people can share? How do people cope with this?

Much appreciated.

G

koonyungdi · 11-04-2006, 08:53 PM

Hi George,

I sympathise with you and your dilemma, am facing a similar one myself.
My mother lives alone, in her early sixties but has recently been feeling depressed and alone. My sister lives abroad and makes it home once every 2 years so myself and my family are all the immediate family she has. We have asked her to move with us but she won't as she cannot bear any temp above 24 degrees! I too want to give my family the best options in life but do not want her to feel I am abandoning her..I can only hope that as a mother she fully understands my reasons for going and give us her blessing however difficult it will be for her..we may well face a similar situation in our own twilight years !

Good luck whatever you decide..
Di

Anita · 11-04-2006, 10:23 PM

I completely understand where you are coming from. My dilemma is slightly different in that we don't feel guilty leaving behind our parents as they are all fit and well and able to take care of themselves. We feel guilty because by taking our 3 year old daughter to Australia we are taking away the only grandchild of both sets of grandparents. I am an only child and my husband has 1 sister who has made it very clear she does not want any children therefore both sets of grandparents also have no chance of further grandchildren that will live in the UK. Both sets of grandparents idolise my daughter and she sees them regularly so its going to be hard for all of them if and when we leave. The only good side is that both my parents and my inlaws would like to come and live in Oz too in a couple of years time.

Good luck with your application, it's a tough decision to make but once it's made I think it gets easier and people get used to the idea.

x

Mel · 14-04-2006, 02:34 PM

Hi, I too have a similar dilemma. Have enough points to apply for the skilled workers visa but but we feel torn. We want to have a piece of the Australian lifestyle and want our two boys (2 and 5) to have more opportunities than growing up in Farnborough can offer, but feel terrible for leaving my husband's parents. My parents are very encouraging as they have always wanted to emigrate but did not have enough points. I know they would visit and would want us to take the opportunity while it's here. I haven't dared speak to my husbands parents as I know they will be devastated. They look after the baby one day per week and just adore them both. But conversely, my husband is nearly 41 and if we don't apply soon, we may miss out altogether. What can you do?