Why are you leaving your family?

[Ms_Fi]

We're not really leaving the family, we're going to join the inlaws (OH is Australian). I love my mum dearly but I can't live near her as she drives me nuts! I've spent the best part of 33 years trying to be perfect for her but I'll never be that - I'm a flawed woman with secrets, a past, tats and piercings (not the ideal daughter my mum wants me to be).

My dad - well, what can I say about my dad. He's a star, an absolute star and I'm dreading saying goodbye to him at the airport as I know I won't ever see him alive again. He's not in the best of health and won't fly so unless I come back to England we won't ever be in the same country again :(

I've got 3 children and the move is as much for them as it is for me. I truly believe they'll have a better chance and a better future in Australia than they would in the UK.

I have a brother and a sister and I'm not particularly close to either of them. I live in the same town as my brother but I rarely see him and I only see my sister when she comes up from Devon to visit my parents.

I'm a parent first and a daughter/sister second so my priority has to be to the children.

[AnxiousMum]

I am another one with a boring answer.

I am very close to my family. My mum is practically my kids second mum. I honestly believe the move to Oz will kill her.

Let me explain, my parent went to live in Spain when my youngest child was 8 months old. (They didnt ask how I felt funnily enough) just decided one day to sell up and go to the sun) It was a huge shock to myself and my brothers, but we didnt say anything to put them off just wished them luck.

My mum became very homesick and got very stressed with it all. They eventually decided to move back here, only to find they could not afford a house/or even flat. So they moved into a caravan!!! I suppose the caravan could have helped trigger what happened next but no one can say for sure.

One morning my mum woke to find she was having a heart attack, she nearly died and was in hospital for a long time. The doctor said he thought the stress she had for all the years in Spain (3 years) and then coming back, when she started to relax this is what may have triggered the heart attack. Anyway now most of you have logged off with boredom I get to my point.

Do I do the same and go to Oz. I cant be like them I do care what my family think and dont want anyone to suffer, but I also dont want my kids to have a crap life I believe they will have if we stay in britain. I dont want my kids to start hanging round the shops and smoking, drinking and being bored enough to do something even more stupid than the things I have just listed. What do I do for the best. Dont want my mum to get so stressed it causes another heart attack that could be fatal.

[Megss]

YOU GUYS!!!

Your all so human! Who would have thought it!?

This is great group therapy isn't it!!! Its kind of nice to hear that some of you guys have problems too, i mean i know no family is perfect, but it sometimes makes you wonder if your a really bad person for wanting to move so far away! So many people have said "oh i'd love to do that, but i couldn't leave my family", and my first thought is "can't get away from mine!"

But seriously, i think that moving away will be sooo hard, but in the long run will do us all good. I think we need to get away, get somne perspective and see the bigger picture!!

Does anyone else find the guilt trip they're putting on you for moving, is making you want to go even more???!!!!! Since telling my mum and my sister about our plans, i hardly talk to them - they just make me feel so guilty all the time, i'd rather avoid them!!

Anyway, keep'em comming, we're a disfunctional lot aren't we!!!

Meg
xx

[melissa]

Firstly, i get on well with my family, i don't feel overly close to them but then i was always quite independent even as a kid.

As for Mel, she can't stand her mum, gets on okay with her dad but there's a few issue's, and will miss her sister. But she has a bigger family in Adelaide than over here. We don't know them that well but do get on with them just fine. I think for her, they will provide the family relationship she has always missed out on; ie. no arguing at every family meeting.

But a dilemma now is that our 16 1/2 year old son says he's not coming now. And though the little s##t drives me up the wall, i love him and we have good laugh together. The thought of leaving him breaks my heart, but i'll still go anyway. He's growing up fast and will leave one day anyway. He's coming to validate and stay for a while, so i just hope he changes his mind once he's out there. He loved it when we visited last year.

So leaving behind my parents and sisters will be easy compared to leaving him. They are old enough to look after themselves. But this is my only chance, and i struggle with working out how i feel about the whole thing.

Darren.

[gemmahey]

I am going to miss my mum madly, I always ring her or go round when I am upset, in troube or ill. I hate the fact that I mite not be there for her as she grows older and every time I think about it it makes me not want to go.
I have many a time rung my mum when I have had to much to drink saying 'omg I shouldn't go I will miss you so much', and I know she will be devasted when I go, but she says to me you can't pass off a opportunity like this, its only 24 hours away and she will use every excuse she can to visit me, and she constantly points out that she is always there for me if I wanna move back home.
I dont wanna regret anything in life, it truely is to short, and further down the line I will try as a may to get my mother over to Aus to take care of her when she needs me most, just like she took care of me when I needed her growning up.

[ozemma]

Hi Meg,

I definitely think the 'running away' aspect holds an appeal for me. I love my family but they are a messed up bunch. Lots of people need/demand attention and because I do love them, I'm always there to babysit/listen to problems/stroke egos/share problems etc. The idea of being over the other side of the world gives me such a sense of freedom. I know I'll miss people too (especially my mum - about the only person who doesn't suck the energy out of me!) but Australia feels very liberating in the sense that it's just me and other other half living our lives for us.

We have a few problems with people putting guilt trips on us too. Sometimes it feels like it's all about other people... Stay strong and try and block them out.

Anyway, interesting thread. Home and Away's on now though so TV beckons! Got to get my fix of sunshine and beaches.

Em x

[gilliantay]

I was not escaping family issues when I first started this visa malarkey but as time has gone on, I now find that it is one of the reasons why I can't wait to move.
My mum died suddenly last year - I was devasted and suppose I still am but I know for a fact that she would not have stopped me in any way, rather, she would have been behind me being the driving force.
Note the non mention of a father figure..........he left when I was very young.
My older sister already lives in Oz - then there is me hoping to get to Oz - brother just below me is emigrating to Canada next month which leaves the two younger brothers.....one is late 30,s, the other one was 40 yesterday and boy have they tested my patience since mum died.
I have in effect become a surrogate mum to them but they tend to forget that they are infact grown men !!!!
If I am being perfectly honest, I would even move to Alaska to get peace from them !!!
Is that bad ????

Gill

[melissa]

[quote=gilliantay;240004]I was not escaping family issues when I first started this visa malarkey but as time has gone on, I now find that it is one of the reasons why I can't wait to move.
My mum died suddenly last year - I was devasted and suppose I still am but I know for a fact that she would not have stopped me in any way, rather, she would have been behind me being the driving force.
Note the non mention of a father figure..........he left when I was very young.
My older sister already lives in Oz - then there is me hoping to get to Oz - brother just below me is emigrating to Canada next month which leaves the two younger brothers.....one is late 30,s, the other one was 40 yesterday and boy have they tested my patience since mum died.
I have in effect become a surrogate mum to them but they tend to forget that they are infact grown men !!!!
If I am being perfectly honest, I would even move to Alaska to get peace from them !!!
Is that bad ????

You deserve your peace. It's funny how adults often forget they're grown up and lean on their familly.

[cantwait]

Originally Posted by gilliantay

I

the other one was 40 yesterday and boy have they tested my patience since mum died.
I have in effect become a surrogate mum to them but they tend to forget that they are infact grown men !!!!
If I am being perfectly honest, I would even move to Alaska to get peace from them !!!
Is that bad ????

Gill

That's exactly what my brothers have done. After my mom died they took all their trouble to my sister as she lived close to them. She is now living in Russia and they gave her hell for marrying a Russian and moving because they have no one to bleed dry anymore. They know better than to try it with me. She left over a year ago and they haven't spoken to her since.

[jonbj5]

We are close to a few members of our family but others, we cant wait to get away from. The thoughts of leaving my mum and sister are unbearable (my sister has m.s.). 2 of my 4 brothers have said that they will be coming over for a visit, so that will be good. Cant wait to get away from my dad, he did us out of £20,000 last year, how anyone could do that to their kids/grandkids is beyond me, so we certainly wont miss him.

You've got to get out there and live your dream though and not live your life with regrets of wishing you had tried it.

Good luck to everyone and look forward to your new lives in Oz

Kirsty, Ian, Emily & Matthew