The art of conversation

**Guest69235** · 29-05-2012, 08:50 PM

I am a HORRIBLE conversationalist. It's not hard to understand given that my routine 'leisure' is reading news on the internet, reading technical books on computer science, playing video games now and then... and nowadays PIO. I only get extremely philosophical/theoretical things in my mind. Which obviously makes for HORRIBLE conversation. I know some people in real life who have a knack of maintaining conversation. It's not just that they have a whole treasure trove of new things to say... they could be talking about the most mundane things, but it's just the way they converse... the way they speak... that you just pay attention. Or maybe I am a very good listener because I'm not a very good speaker so I find somethings interesting which others would find horribly boring?

Well, obviously I would like to become a better conversationalist. So I am starting this thread in the hopes that people will share advice on how to hold a good conversation. You can pitch in by suggesting possible topics. You could pitch in by suggesting some sites I should start reading (other than news sites that is). Or in any other way you like. Let's hear it from fellow conversationalists.

**whoiam** · 29-05-2012, 09:16 PM

LOL!

Now now now.... are you trying to become a better conversationalist by spending even more time reading stuff on the internet? get off your backside and go and meet people and start chatting them up--practice makes perfect!

On a more serious note I am good at conversation only if the topic interests me, otherwise I'd much rather be a listener--but hey the world needs listeners as well!

**AKA** · 29-05-2012, 09:48 PM

I guess many would say that conversation is an 'art', but at the end of the day most of us can hold a conversation 'if' it interests us.

It's often the case that when we have no knowledge of a subject matter we can 'turn off' to a degree, which is a great shame, because many times even if we just listen a little more we can still learn something.

I'm no great chatter, even if things interest me, I would rather listen about something I know a little of and hopefully learn something, the same can be said for things that may be in the past haven't interested me.

One example. Was recently at hospital for some tests and this elderly fella was talking to his son in law about shooting, (targets). I listened for a while then joined in as I wanted to know a bit more about the 'hobby'. From this started a two hour chat about his time in the second world war, (sniper) and the things he saw and did.

Not only did I learn a lot about his life, but also a great deal about modern day warfare and the 'projectiles' used, very interesting.

And also it went into the old grey matter as things like this often become useful in the future.

Cheers Tony.

**Petals** · 29-05-2012, 10:45 PM

The art of conversation. Well it probably depends on people's mood to some extent. Also whether people are genuinely interested in people. I do not like people who do not make eye contact. Look over your shoulder whilst giving the opinion of being most interested in what you have to say.

To be a good at conversation, need to be a good listener. We all have friends I am sure who are just waiting with bated breath to get their word in. Several days later you have a talk with them about the conversation and they have no idea. No they do not listen.

I am one of those people that gets picked out in the street to be asked questions. If I sit near anyone they will start talking to me. Who knows why, perhaps its my perfume.

Relax and enjoy the moment is what its all about, everyone has something interesting to say.

**Jackinabox** · 29-05-2012, 10:58 PM

Originally Posted by Petals

The art of conversation. Well it probably depends on people's mood to some extent. Also whether people are genuinely interested in people. I do not like people who do not make eye contact. Look over your shoulder whilst giving the opinion of being most interested in what you have to say.

To be a good at conversation, need to be a good listener. We all have friends I am sure who are just waiting with bated breath to get their word in. Several days later you have a talk with them about the conversation and they have no idea. No they do not listen.

I am one of those people that gets picked out in the street to be asked questions. If I sit near anyone they will start talking to me. Who knows why, perhaps its my perfume.

Relax and enjoy the moment is what its all about, everyone has something interesting to say.

Very valid points and ones that a good salesman or negotiator is taught to use. Very important to 'hear' not just listen. If you are eager or chomping at the bit to get in then you aint hearing. Empathy helps too.

**MARYROSE02** · 30-05-2012, 12:17 AM

I'm always 'pushing' myself to talk to people wherever I am - pubs, cafes, on the street even, if say I see a guy wearing a football shirt for a team I don't recognize. I took my friend Alex into the Trinity Bar a couple of times and introduced her to some of the barstaff and already they know her name. I often ask people what music they are into, and write the bands' names down in my diary, say I will look them up on Youtube.

The first thing I have learnt reading 'Why Men Won't Listen & Women Always Need More Shoes' by A & B Pease, is that women want men to listen more and not offer solutions. So, I am seeing my friend Alex in a minute and I will put this new learning into operation.

People like talking about themselves don't they??

**flag of convenience** · 30-05-2012, 02:04 AM

Originally Posted by Settling in Sydney

I am a HORRIBLE conversationalist. It's not hard to understand given that my routine 'leisure' is reading news on the internet, reading technical books on computer science, playing video games now and then... and nowadays PIO. I only get extremely philosophical/theoretical things in my mind. Which obviously makes for HORRIBLE conversation. I know some people in real life who have a knack of maintaining conversation. It's not just that they have a whole treasure trove of new things to say... they could be talking about the most mundane things, but it's just the way they converse... the way they speak... that you just pay attention. Or maybe I am a very good listener because I'm not a very good speaker so I find somethings interesting which others would find horribly boring?

Well, obviously I would like to become a better conversationalist. So I am starting this thread in the hopes that people will share advice on how to hold a good conversation. You can pitch in by suggesting possible topics. You could pitch in by suggesting some sites I should start reading (other than news sites that is). Or in any other way you like. Let's hear it from fellow conversationalists.

I am afraid conversation has taken a backseat to modern forms of social media and sound bites these days. Every chance few will notice anyway if you can make small talk as it seems to fulfill requirements by and large.
I am rather good at conversation and enjoy discussion and exchanging views but usually do feel like belonging to a minority. Will the so called answers to most everything on Wikipedia the use of words expressing a point can appear absolute at times. I feel it is a great shame that the spoken word has declined to such an extent to be replaced to an extent by soundbites on twitter or facebook .....

**Derbydiva** · 30-05-2012, 02:25 AM

I can talk the hind legs off a donkey, I also love to hear about what others are thinking/doing. If I ever had a chance at becoming a counsellor or psychologist I would, it'd be my dream job.

**Petals** · 30-05-2012, 02:27 AM

Originally Posted by Jackinabox

Very valid points and ones that a good salesman or negotiator is taught to use. Very important to 'hear' not just listen. If you are eager or chomping at the bit to get in then you aint hearing. Empathy helps too.

Actually its funny but you could apply this to social media and forums as well. How people go off track, do not notice when a member has made a valid point about the subject of the thread. Food for thought

**harpodom** · 30-05-2012, 02:32 AM

Originally Posted by flag of convenience

I am afraid conversation has taken a backseat to modern forms of social media and sound bites these days. Every chance few will notice anyway if you can make small talk as it seems to fulfill requirements by and large.
I am rather good at conversation and enjoy discussion and exchanging views but usually do feel like belonging to a minority. Will the so called answers to most everything on Wikipedia the use of words expressing a point can appear absolute at times. I feel it is a great shame that the spoken word has declined to such an extent to be replaced to an extent by soundbites on twitter or facebook .....

I couldn't agreeth moorthhh
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