A change for the better/worse/

[famousfive]

Migration to another country is a pretty big upheavel to anyones life and comes with it's ups and downs for most of us.We learn a lot during the whole process,from first inkling of wanting to move through to visa application and finally to the big move itself,it is all a big learning curve.We also learn a lot about ourselves,partners,children and to a certain degree friends and family who are left behind too.For some it makes them stronger but for others it is quite the opposite.

For some of us the change of scenery also comes with a change of lifestyle or career.Our social life might be different,we might use this time to create smaller changes in our lives too......a bit like starting with a clean slate.These changes all contribute to the feeling that life indeed is now different[whether good or bad].

But what of the deeper changes.......the changes to you on a personal level.Most people will agree that the experience changes them in some subtle way,maybe it made you a more determined person,maybe you have become depressed or gained confidence.You may not have even noticed the change until someone else brought it to you attention.
No matter what else migration brings one thing is certain...... it creates a change in us all,no matter how small that change may be.

My question is..........what is different about you now?and do you consider this a good change?

[THORPES]

Hi
For me personally, I feel I have changed for the worse. I have become depressed and constantly feel guilty. I feel guilt for my boys who really dont want to be here. They had a good life in UK and I feel I have taken that away from them in search of something better, which imho Australia isnt better. I feel guilty leaving family behind. I am an only child and i have taken my parents grandchildren away. My parents have been really supportive but I know my mum is heartbroken.
I feel depressed as we have lost owning our own home again in UK (well for a long time I think) We sold ours for next to nothing and all we own now is a few suitcases. We are not materialistic people, but again has it screwed up our boys future.
Finally I feel tired and exhausted. We dont want to be here and its been a draining, tiring, stressful process to get here, yet I know when we go back to UK, its going to be the same process to get our lives back on track.
Jill
xxx

[tea4too]

Hi
For me personally, I feel I have changed for the worse. I have become depressed and constantly feel guilty. I feel guilt for my boys who really dont want to be here. They had a good life in UK and I feel I have taken that away from them in search of something better, which imho Australia isnt better. I feel guilty leaving family behind. I am an only child and i have taken my parents grandchildren away. My parents have been really supportive but I know my mum is heartbroken.
I feel depressed as we have lost owning our own home again in UK (well for a long time I think) We sold ours for next to nothing and all we own now is a few suitcases. We are not materialistic people, but again has it screwed up our boys future.
Finally I feel tired and exhausted. We dont want to be here and its been a draining, tiring, stressful process to get here, yet I know when we go back to UK, its going to be the same process to get our lives back on track.
Jill
xxx

I really felt for you when I read your post, but I do think you are being very hard on yourself in some respects…..there is often another side to things.

Your boys are still relatively young going by your signature and they will have gained a lot of positives from the experience (even if the positives aren’t obvious right now). If you can look at this as one chapter in your family’s life then, as the saying goes “ what doesn’t break you makes you stronger”. You wanted the best for your boys, and your own parents will want the same for you – which is why they are so supportive. It is natural for your mum to feel sad that she is not in closer contact, but I live only a few hundred miles from my mum and I’m pretty sure she would say the same (something we can’t change unless I move back ‘ home’, and that isn’t an option).

It is really difficult to deal with things when you feel down and tired in the way you describe, and I wonder if it is worth getting a bit of a health check, just to reassure yourself that health wise you are in the best possible position to cope with things right now?

Not sure what else to add…..other than a and my best wishes.

Apologies to FamousFive for going off topic

[pablo]

Hiya Jill
Just wanted to echo the thoughts of tea4too tbh,im sure everything you've done was for the benefit of your lads,all the best on your move back.

[Dawny]

Since our big adventure, i think i have changed a fair bit, im no longer a door mat, and i have a much more positive outlook on life, i appreciate the little things, as they seem far more important now. I also know you don't need to travel 1000s of miles to find happiness, We returned to the uk cause of our kids unhappiness whilst they were in oz, Seeing how happy and content they are now, we know we made the right decision, If they are happy then so am i

[Petals]

I was an only child when we emigrated and my brother is 13 years younger than me so two families in a way. Also did it in three different countries after UK.

Made me much harder, hurdles are to be jumped over, probably messed with my psyche long term as I suffer from a depressive illness. That said it may be in the genes. I often read of people who are sounding like me when I am on a downer and I wonder is it just migrating or do they find its a condition they need to have treat and live with.

I guess in a way its made me less sympathetic to a lot of stuff.

Often wonder what it would be like if we had never left the UK.

I think in the long run it was good for me and I understand why well heeled people send their children away or periods of time, it gives them a toughness which is needed in life to some extent.

If I had had brothers and sisters early in the piece I guess it would be have been much easier.

[kernow43]

Migration to another country is a pretty big upheavel to anyones life and comes with it's ups and downs for most of us.We learn a lot during the whole process,from first inkling of wanting to move through to visa application and finally to the big move itself,it is all a big learning curve.We also learn a lot about ourselves,partners,children and to a certain degree friends and family who are left behind too.For some it makes them stronger but for others it is quite the opposite.

For some of us the change of scenery also comes with a change of lifestyle or career.Our social life might be different,we might use this time to create smaller changes in our lives too......a bit like starting with a clean slate.These changes all contribute to the feeling that life indeed is now different[whether good or bad].

But what of the deeper changes.......the changes to you on a personal level.Most people will agree that the experience changes them in some subtle way,maybe it made you a more determined person,maybe you have become depressed or gained confidence.You may not have even noticed the change until someone else brought it to you attention.
No matter what else migration brings one thing is certain...... it creates a change in us all,no matter how small that change may be.

My question is..........what is different about you now?and do you consider this a good change?

It felt to me like letting go of the apron strings, becoming stronger & more independent.
Like I was in a bubble I could see the outside world & then it burst giving me the freedom I longed for.

[guest37336]

I guess the migration process has made me far more appreciative of the 'peripheral' aspects of life, you know, people, community, etc.

I would say very honestly that it has made me into a far more focused, (some see belligerent), independent, forceful (some see mouthy) and a loner to a degree, (though always was really) honestly don't know if it has made me into a 'better' person, different certainly, but better, that is for others to say.

But I can look back on the migration journey with a positive perspective because it has bought me to the time in my life where I finally KNOW what I want to do with it, only took me 47 years,, and I wouldn't change a thing by the way, good, bad or indifferent.

Cheers Tony.

[rebrol]

I think I have changed in both good ways and bad ways. I went travelling around the world for 7 months before arriving in Oz the first time. It was definately the best thing I ever did as I was stuck in a horrible situation in the UK both personally and professionally. I took the biggest gamble of my life, sold up and had the adventure of a lifetime. It made me appreciate things and become a much stronger person. I realised I would never get myself stuck in a horrible repressive situation again and I would never let people walk all over me again. It gave me the courage to stand up for myself and change things in my life I wasn't happy with. This proved to be essential as some very tough times were waiting for me when I returned to the UK.
On the flip side sometimes I feel I can be quite stubborn because I am so fiercely independent, but I do try very hard to reign it back when necessary.
All in all, it makes me appreciate experiences I am able to have and be positive, even when I am feeling a bit low. Tomorrow will always come, and who knows what it will bring!

[THORPES]

Since our big adventure, i think i have changed a fair bit, im no longer a door mat, and i have a much more positive outlook on life, i appreciate the little things, as they seem far more important now. I also know you don't need to travel 1000s of miles to find happiness, We returned to the uk cause of our kids unhappiness whilst they were in oz, Seeing how happy and content they are now, we know we made the right decision, If they are happy then so am i

I am hoping thats how I will feel soon.

All the best

Jill
xxx